The World Hates People with Vaginas, Part 1: The Donkey Punch

Hello, everyone, and welcome to part one of my new series that will never, ever end, The World Hates People With Vaginas. You see, I hear on an almost daily basis that women have made impressive strides in recent history, that equality is all but a foregone conclusion, that feminism is passe, that I’m living in the past and haven’t noticed just how good we’ve got it these days. We are, the story goes, living in a “post-feminist” society, whatever the fuck that means (I think it means we’re living in a society in which most women have been duped into believing they’ve gotten as much as they’re going to get and ought to be grateful they aren’t in Afghanistan).

Well, I’m here to tell you that feminism is still necessary because the world still hates women. And in order to prove it to you, I’m starting a new series in which I will present to my dear readership and to whatever random assholes get here searching for “6 year old fucking” and “slut bitch cougar fuckers” examples of the overt and flamboyant misogyny that pervades our popular culture. I warn you, this series is going to be fucked up. Real fucked up. It’s designed to force people who are putting their all into denying that misogyny is still a serious problem to consider the idea that they might, in fact, be full of shit.

So, let’s roll.

You know what I recommend you never, ever do? Peruse Urban Dictionary. I recommend that you avoid that URL for a very good reason: it’s the most terrifyingly misogynistic website on Earth. I mean it, dude. It’s nothing but page upon page upon page of descriptions of various methods of sexual assault and abuse written by fifteen-year-old rapists and voted upon by thirteen-year-old rapists-in-training. And the implication is that these miscreants have either done what they’re describing or wish they could. I understand that these things are more often than not nothing but teenage bravado and bullshit, but that somehow doesn’t decrease the “holy shit, thank god I’m not fifteen anymore” factor. Why not, you ask? Because these descriptions abound, because they’re saturated with dehumanization and hatred, and they’re clearly not arousing much disapproval, if one can judge anything by the thumbs-up vs. thumbs-down ratios the average Urban Dictionary post receives.

Let’s get an example, huh?

The entry for “donkey punch” brings up seven pages of results. Here are some samples:

while banging ur bitch in the anus u proceed to then punch her in the back of the head… if she coughs up blood thats 10 points!!
i fucked my bestfriends bitch and donkey punched the hell out of that bitch
The ratio on that one was 4:1, thumbs-up:thumbs-down. Another charmer:
The lesser known and even lesser appreciated version of the Donkey Punch, wherein you perform the normal acts of a donkey punch but then proceed to grab onto a ceiling fan and swing around over her unconscious body, trying to shit in her mouth.
“Man, sex with Michelle has been getting boring lately”
“Have you tried to donkey punch?”
“Yeah, it doesn’t help.”
“How about the donkey swing?”
“Bitchin!!”
17:9. One more:
Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head as hard as you can. This gives a tremendous sensation. But for it to work correctly, the girl must be completely knocked out, so that her asshole tightens up uncontrollably.
Last night, when I got back from the game I donkey punched Jenny, twice.
Apparently the correct spelling bummed people out, because that one only got a 3:2 thumbs-up to thumbs-down ratio. I did find a few posts that garnered more thumbs-down than thumbs-up votes. See this one, for example:
For anybody even remotely considering this stunt (adequately explained in the definitions) or for those who somehow think the idea of a donkey punch is amusing, I have the following opinion from a prosecutor at our local District Attorney’s Office:
Donkey punching is easily indictable as a serious felony on two counts.    First: deadly assault. A blow to the back of the head is can easily cause a severe or fatal brain stem injury; even no-holds-barred professional fights ban it.

Second: it is rape, pure and simple. The logic of this would be easily understood by any jury. The object and motivation of donkey punching is clear and unambiguous: it is to render the victim unconscious and thus incapable of saying “NO” to something the victim would ordinarily and vigorously object to.

Our office, given proper evidence would, with great eagerness and determination, prosecute a case such as this. The probability of conviction would be virtually certain. Furthermore, we could convincingly argue that the perpetrator(s) are to be regarded as dangerous sex criminals and thus pose a clear community danger while awaiting trial. Few judges would deny our argument that the perpetrators should be imprisoned while awaiting trial.

In addition, there is ample precedence for conviction of those encouraging these crimes on separate felony crimes of aiding and abetting a sexual assault. A viewing of Jody Foster’s “The Accused”, based on an actual rape conviction, should make this plain to people.

In the case of a prearranged or planned assault, an additional and more serious charge of conspiracy would be added to the indictment.

774:827. Apparently the denizens of Urban Dictionary don’t wanna hear from anyone who thinks women are human.

Do I need to analyze this little example of why this world is still a shitty place in which to be female for anyone? I realize that the majority of the people who fuck around on Urban Dictionary are adolescent virgins who listen to nu metal and run around with Aqua Teen Hunger Force t-shirts on, and hence never have and quite possibly never will have the opportunity to attempt a donkey punch on a sex partner, but that isn’t the point. These posts illustrate the fact that hating women is not only still accepted and encouraged among young people, but that it’s now become an extreme sport. There are no less than 47 gleeful descriptions on this website of an act (and it’s just one of hundreds of thousands) that is nothing short of battery and rape in language so hateful and degrading that I’ll go ahead and call it hate speech. (I know, I’m such a fag.) Even if none of the little assholes who wrote or voted on any of these posts has actually attempted to carry out the act, there’s still the little problem that people are openly encouraging rape and behaving as if it were the funniest shit of all time in a public forum that gets 12 million hits a month. One can only imagine what kind of shit the adolescent girls of the world are having to deal with these days and will have to suffer at the hands of these dicks as they get older and become sexually active. But let’s also not forget that adolescent boys alone can’t account for 12 million hits a month.

To sum up, just in case anybody missed it, the goal in this little act of sexual assault is to rape a woman anally, and then to knock her out when she protests, because it purportedly feels good. Male pleasure, once again, comes at the cost of female suffering, and, quite honestly, looks as though it also derives therefrom. I wonder, really I do: could porn have anything to do with the escalation in the violence and degradation in teenage boys’ fantasies? Nah, couldn’t be. They come up with this shit on their own, I’m sure, because adolescent boys are so imaginative and creative.

Women in our society have achieved some legal rights, so misogyny’s over, right? The widespread cultural acceptance of the hatred of women is no big deal, because we prosecute rape sometimes, right? Pornography has no real impact on women’s lives because it’s pure fantasy, completely separate from the way people think about the world and interact with others, right? Whatever, dude. Tell that to this poor woman (73:29; I’m assuming the up votes are from the few outraged women on the site and from young dudes who think her suffering is just hilarious):

first, to the one that said no one actualy donkey punches, that is not tru. when i was in colege, a guy i hooked up with donkey punched me and i had to go to the hospital. i got brain damage. thatnk you, for that. anyway, a donkey punch is when a guy punches the girl in the back of the head and its sposed to make you have an orgasam. it doesnt work, and i cant telll you enogh not to do it.

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Apparently people aren’t into uppity broads.

I remember, before I started this blog, reading about women bloggers being harassed, threatened, called horrible names, and just generally having to deal with the idiocy of puerile assholes who use the internet’s anonymity to pretend to be tough guys in situations in which they know they can’t get their asses kicked for doing so. I knew I’d have to deal with it eventually, but now I’m really beginning to understand what it’s about. I wasn’t all that surprised when some MRA called me a “femskank” and told me my “girly brain” couldn’t grasp the fact that feminism was an offshoot of Marxism (which, as an intellectual historian, I can tell you is utter bullshit), and I’m not all that bothered when someone tells me I’m a feminazi, but now I’m really bearing the brunt of these fucking weenies’ insecurities. In the last week, as this blog has gotten more hits, I’ve been called a kunt (not sure how that differs from a cunt; maybe the guy’s a Korn fan), a whore, an idiot, an ugly dyke, hirsute, fat, and so on ad nauseum. The funny part is that I couldn’t give less of a fuck what these renobs want to call me, but they still think they’re scoring some serious rhetorical touchdowns with this bullshit. I’m more than willing to argue all day with someone who thinks I’m wrong/crazy/missing something, but I just don’t get what the goal is with these guys. Is this the internet equivalent of shaking a fist in my face, saying, “Woman, you’d best learn yer place er you’ll git whut’s comin’ to yuh!”? 


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Ad Council to the women and girls of America: Harassment is your own fault!

I was in the shower listening to Air America the other day when I heard an ad that described the process by which photos are spread around the internet. It, like nearly every Ad Council project, was a seriously misguided and ham-fisted attempt at directing the behavior of teenagers who couldn’t give less of a fuck what the federal government thinks they ought to be doing with their weed or their digital cameras. The ad went on a progression from “here is one of your classmates downloading your racy spring break photo,” to “here is some asshole writing dirty comments about it,” to “here is your dad seeing it.” The whole ad was aimed at convincing girls not to post saucy photos of themselves on MySpace or Facebook. You know, because the problem in this scenario is the fact that the girl posted the photos on her homepage, not that her privacy has been violated or that she has been sexually harassed.

The ad doesn’t say anything like, “Hey, asshole, don’t write gross shit about people’s photos on the internet.” Or, “Hey, fuck face, don’t spread around photos that aren’t your business to spread around.” Or, “Hey, missy, don’t let people take pictures of you without your clothes on. People who want to take or see naked pictures of you aren’t your friends, but rather are assholes who see women only as sexualized body parts.” Or, “If your photo gets passed around without your permission, you should get pissed and do something about it, like make a big deal out of how women and girls are being sexualized against their will and being openly sexually harassed online, then write a blog about it, write your senator about it, etc.”

Instead, the message is, “The problem here isn’t that our culture treats women and girls like masturbatory tools, it’s that men can’t help themselves. They just have to degrade any female they can get a picture of, so it’s women’s responsibility to save these men from themselves by curtailing their own freedoms. You girls, if you should find yourselves victimized in such a way, ought to feel nothing but shame. Oh, and one more thing, your father owns your body until you get married, at which time the deed will be transferred to your husband. If he sees that his ownership has been compromised, he’ll be really, really disappointed in you. That’ll be all.”

I suppose the fact that the Ad Council has missed the point isn’t a huge shock, what with the horrendously misguided “kid smokes weed and thus shoots self in face” or “kid smokes weed and then kills small girl on bike” ads that became complete jokes within moments of airing (and make even Reefer Madness look like a realistic depiction of the ills of pot smoking), but I’m unhappy to be confronted yet again with our society’s (and our government’s) tendency to blame women for the fact that our culture allows them to be routinely abused in such a manner.


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Larry Flynt isn’t a political hero, he’s an asshole.

I recently heard a disgustingly fawning interview with Larry Flynt on a left wing talk show, with a female host no less, in which he was made out to be a champion of free speech, and that’s all. There was no mention made of the horrendous shit his company pumps out, no mention of the fact that the only reason he fought for his “freedom of speech” in the first place was because it would allow him to turn bigger profits, and no mention of the fact that it has been repeatedly PROVEN that the kind of misogynistic bullshit he publishes contributes to increases in the numbers of sexual assaults on women and children, not to mention the general piggish attitude of most men – and many brainwashed women – in this country toward women and their right to sovereignty over their own bodies.

Well, fuck that. I don’t give a shit if Mr. Flynt and I agree that Jerry Falwell was an asshole. Falwell’s dead, and I am much less threatened by religious fanatics who most people consider insane than the ever more pervasive and mainstream porn industry. Am I really supposed to forget that Larry Flynt regularly publishes cartoons in his magazines that revolve around rape (by donkeys, no less), incest, and child molestation because some other group of assholes I don’t like are opposed to him? I’m not getting in with any strange bedfellows. Flynt is coming from essentially the same position patriarchal religious assholes like Falwell are when it comes to women: we men decide what gets done with them women’s bodies. Fuck the both of them.

And that brings something else up. What the fuck are these women thinking walking around with Hustler T-shirts on? Have they ever seen a copy of that rag? I know that pretending that smut peddlers are culture heroes can help a “chick” gain the approval and attention of the average gross asshole, but is that really the goal? Is it enough for you to have a few disgusting dudes pretend to like you (but only just as long as it takes to get you to take your pants off) because you’re pretending to be too stupid (or too deluded) to realize your entire gender is being degraded for men’s titillation? A boner is not a compliment, no matter how many times you have been told that it is. The fact is, any dude who is into Hustler (or porn in general), even if he’s unable to admit it to himself, has a low opinion of women and their place in the world and thinks our desire to be treated like human beings with autonomy equal to his own is unreasonable. No thanks.

And don’t even get me started on the idea of the Hustler coffeehouse, which I unfortunately went to for some reason when I lived in LA. I think the mainstreaming of hardcore porn through stores like the fairly posh Hollywood Hustler store and its attendant coffeehouse is worrisome, not to mention a cheat. What I mean by that is that, in the past, anyone who wanted to buy porn or the kind of humiliating “lingerie” that the Hustler store sells used to have to endure the shame of being seen going into a shady-looking store with no windows in a dodgy part of town. That seems fair to me, or at least a little closer to fair — a little humiliation as payback for creating demand in an industry that banks on women’s humiliation. But now it’s fucking COOL to go to the Hustler store, and all the same heinous shit is for sale there as at Dirty Dan’s Sex Shack, but with nice lighting, big windows, and lattes. But I digress…

Larry Flynt isn’t cool. He thinks a picture of a naked woman being turned into ground beef is funny, he thinks rape and child molestation are funny, he thinks women ought to be glad they have the opportunity to get treated like subhumans so that the kinds of shitbags who get excited by seeing people degraded can jerk off, he has no problem with the fact that most of his “models” (prostitutes, come on) have been sexually abused and/or have drug problems, and he thinks it’s intellectually honest to argue that any feminist (i.e. woman who doesn’t like to see other women abused) who dares to point out the noisomeness of what he does is “pro-censorship,” a bad word as far as he and 2 Live Crew are concerned. He even molested his own kid, for fuck’s sake.


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