I was wandering around here in Atlanta the other day with Davetavius when I saw something that nearly made me lose my mind, a poster for a local band that call themselves the Bukkake Boys. Now, I normally wouldn’t complain about any stupid shit I see in Little Five Points, because Little Five Points exists solely as a collecting spot for stupid shit and because I was the one who decided to go there in the first place, but this was a bit much. I’ve now spent at least four hours of my life trying to figure out what could possibly have possessed these dudes to choose to name themselves the Bukkake Boys, and that kind of waste of my valuable time makes me very, very angry.
I had to go check out their MySpace page to see what such a band would sound like, and I have to say that I wasn’t surprised. They’re basically a shitty hardcore band that hasn’t figured out that it isn’t 1985 and that punk is, in fact, dead. Their song titles are fairly hilarious: “Nihilism Hate,” “Mind Vulture,” “Mind Copulation,” and “Trend Junkie.” Apparently they’re really angry and worried about mental contamination and they’re totally not down with social conditioning or trendiness, though I’m pretty sure that all of those sentiments are a bit trendy in the punk scene and have become parodies of themselves at this point. Regardless, nearly every week these guys can be seen here at the PBR-soaked hipster hangout known as the Star Bar getting fucked up and going off on stage about how lame those fucking posers who don’t have as many punk rock points as they do are and about how they see through all the bullshit.
As hilarious as all that might be, it doesn’t really matter. I could sit here and write about how stupid it is to be in a hardcore band in 2009 all day and never run out of bands to rip on, but that’s not the point. The point is that these guys are really special because they are indicative of the tenacity of a social trend that I was hoping was fading out; they thought that the most clever thing they could do to let us all know how punk they are would be to call themselves the fucking Bukkake Boys, to attempt to shock people into giving a shit about a band that couldn’t possibly be less noteworthy or more irrelevant. I thought the whole “talking about gross shit makes me edgy” thing was about over with, but I guess I was wrong and it’s still holding on strong here in “Hotlanta.”
But what, exactly, am I supposed to think about when I see the band’s name? I’ve been trying to figure it out for awhile and I’ve come up with a few possibilities:
- These guys watch a lot of porn and like to see women covered in semen. That means that they’re pieces of shit and should probably take up playing Russian Roulette, which would be punk as fuck if you think about it.
- They like to get together and ejaculate on people as a group as a sort of band bonding activity. I’m pretty sure these guys have a hard time getting women to come to their parties whether this is the case or not.
- They’re trying to tell people that they like to be ejaculated upon by large numbers of men. Maybe they’re going for a Jackass-style “pretending to be gay is so punk” thing.
- They’re just dumbasses who couldn’t think of anything more clever and have no idea what they’re trying to say beyond, “Grrr, plthhh, shit, piss, semen, punk, argh, beer, fuck yeah!”
I’m guessing it’s a combination of the first and last.
I know I’m talking about a local punk band that can’t get more than forty people to come to a show, but the fact that people are naming a band after an incredibly degrading porn trend is a little worrisome to me, as is the fact that the entirety of the potential punk culture once had has been destroyed by punk’s devolution into yet another bro music scene. It’s absurd that there is a band out there that is celebrating an act that degrades and dehumanizes women by naming their band after that act and then writing songs about how stupid the general public is for not seeing their way past mainstream cultural and social values. I’m pretty sure that one of the most ubiquitous and destructive systemic social forces there is (misogyny) might deserve a bit of attention if one wants to claim to be bucking the status quo, if that was actually what was going on here. But these dicks aren’t really interested in any of that, they just want to rage against the Man for trying to keep them from partying, going off, and living in their parents’ basements forever and to attempt to distinguish themselves from John Fitzgerald Page by acting just like him while wearing anarchy t-shirts that they paid tax on.