Has anyone but me seen a commercial for this dating agency Ashley Madison? Here’s the ad, but I’m warning you, watching this might make you puke and/or go out and start training for UFC. I know it made me mad enough to want to yell about some shit while pointing at the ground, which is, like, the ultimate expression of anger (at least according to people who are into the NFL).
Yeah, dude. Ashley Madison is a dating agency for married people who want to have affairs but can’t find someone at the office or a neighbor to bang. The slogan: “Life is short. Have an affair.” You see, Ashley Madison offers the asshole who wants to fuck around on his wife the opportunity to do so anonymously with other guilty cheaters so as to increase his chances of getting away with it and continuing to fool his wife into hanging around. No worrying about an affair partner getting too attached and expecting him to leave his wife (because, although she’s not good enough to be faithful to, he still wants to keep her around for, like, emotional support and shit), no rumors around the office about trysts with underlings, no need to frequent prostitutes who expect to get paid for allowing themselves to be treated disrespectfully.
The website, which features a blurry picture set in a hotel room of a man in dress pants standing over a woman in a black slip who is gripping his belt as if she’s begging him for something (lovely), guarantees the customer will find someone to have an affair with, “or your money back.” Apparently women can join for free and men can view profiles for free, but if men want to contact potential pork partners they have to pay a fee. The service is aimed at men. Surprise.
I wasn’t sure what to slap my forehead about first when I saw this commercial. The fact that there’s a business out there making a profit by destroying relationships and causing people serious emotional damage? The message that a woman who doesn’t look like a porn worker deserves to be cheated on? The fact that this company is urging people to exercise their most selfish desires without any regard for the feelings of the people they purportedly care about? The idea that this company of shitbags is sending men the message that they somehow deserve hot wives even if they look like Vietnamese pot-belly pigs with sports talk radio hosts’ faces and have no redeeming character traits? Seriously, is it just me, or is the dude in this commercial a 2 out of 15? I don’t see a real discrepancy in attractiveness here.
But who gives a shit? Men shouldn’t be getting married, getting divorced, deciding to cheat, or making lunch plans based on how porkable Maxim says someone is. Women shouldn’t be laboring under the fear that their mates will cheat on them should they commit the sin of becoming less “hawt” with age. I know I’m not dropping a new complaint on anyone here, but this is a fairly stark reminder of the old “be fuckable or die” mandate women in this country (and, really, world) face on a daily basis. If we’re absolutely terrified and insecure every second of our lives, do advertisers get some kind of a prize or something? Oh, yeah, they get us to constantly buy shit to try to “improve” ourselves. Ashley Madison should get in on a partner deal with a ring of plastic surgeons, L’Oreal, Wonderbra, Frederick’s of Hollywood, and Slim Fast so they can sell Affair Prevention Plans to the women who see their ads. Why only advertise to half the possible market? I’ve got a slogan for them: “If it doesn’t work to keep your man at home, at least it’ll help you land a new one!” Fuuuuck.
Oh, and people shouldn’t be frequenting websites where they can find someone to cheat on their spouses with. I’m not a big fan of “Christian values,” and hence I’m not that concerned with adultery qua adultery, but I am concerned with the glaring immorality of a company that can only make a profit by convincing its customers that it is OK to break promises and cause people emotional pain. Seriously, what the fuck?