Jesus Christ. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. Ever.

26 Jul

What in the FUCK can this possibly mean? I’ve about exhausted my mental capacities trying to figure it out and have come up with almost nothing aside from a few unfathomably stupid possibilities:

  • I worship porn
  • I think porn is cooler than Jesus or evolution
  • Follow me to the porn
  • Porn is my religion
  • I’m so into porn that I can’t find enough ways to let people know
  • I’m equally into porn and seafood
  • I’m really into porn starring members of the band Phish
  • I’m into porn involving fish

What kind of person picks out an item like this and affixes it to their vehicle? Among all the bumper stickers and decals in the world, someone thought this one said more of what he wants to communicate to the world than any other. He liked this better than a Buckcherry sticker. He thought this was wittier than a “Bad Cop, No Donut” decal. He was feeling this more than a decal of Calvin pissing on the logo for whatever brand of car he doesn’t drive. He even went for this over a set of Trucknutz.

And, leaving the purchaser aside, let’s not forget that someone made this thing. Someone had to dream this up, think it was so fucking awesome that he just had to share it, make a mock-up, pass it by a few people, and tool a machine to make it. At no point was he dissuaded. Right now, someone is either profiting on this item or, worse, willing to operate at a wash or a loss because they so desperately want to put this message out there.

Seriously, someone help me. What can this mean? It’s a mystery to rival figuring out why people think Adam Corolla is the international spokesman for manhood.

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13 Responses to “Jesus Christ. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. Ever.”

  1. Friction July 26, 2008 at 4:41 AM #

    Did you forget to post the picture? I’d like to see it…

  2. Nine Deuce July 26, 2008 at 5:06 AM #

    Weird. It was there before. I’ll repost it.

  3. Jen July 26, 2008 at 5:56 AM #

    I imagine that the owner of this decal is a fan of Christian Evolution Porn. It must feature a monkey, a man, and a nun.

  4. thebewilderness July 26, 2008 at 6:58 AM #

    Possibility #1
    I guess you have to figure that if people who call themselves Christian have no problem with torture, some of them are bound to embrace porn as well. They are basically the same thing.
    So the symbol means Christian who uses porn and wants the world to know it.
    Alternately he may be saying that Christianity is torture porn, which if you rely on Mel Gibson’s movie as your source, is a reasonably accurate statement.

  5. Laurel July 26, 2008 at 10:49 AM #

    I think it means “I don’t want to have sex with, date, or speak to real a woman, Christian or otherwise, ever.”

  6. Aaron Boyden July 26, 2008 at 2:51 PM #

    Surely the message is “I’m going to show off how cool and edgy I am by mocking Christians; they’re all uptight and anti-porn, so I’ll put ‘porn’ inside one of their symbols.” No doubt the fact that porn is in itself a popular pseudo-edgy interest contributes to the choice.

  7. Nine Deuce July 26, 2008 at 4:14 PM #

    It’s almost as witty as the “Bros before Hos” election shirt, which has now moved down to world’s second dumbest statement.

  8. Sally July 26, 2008 at 5:49 PM #

    I think it just symbolizes Christianity for what it is – utter hypocrisy. It doesn’t bother me any more then the actually religion does, so meh.

  9. Screaming Lemur July 27, 2008 at 1:56 AM #

    “Porn died for your sins.” Oh wait, that’s not right. “I am a complete douchecornet who lives in a basement.” Yeah, that sounds right.

  10. hellonhairylegs July 27, 2008 at 5:01 AM #

    “I got really drunk and thought this was a good idea at the time.”

  11. sirhC July 31, 2008 at 6:46 AM #

    According to what I’ve read, back in the day – when they actually WERE being persecuted – Christians used to draw the jeebus fish in the dirt or discreetely on their homes to show other Christians that they weren’t alone, and as an invitation for prayer.

    Clearly this fish is meant to say “Hey man, I view chicks as objects too, this is my incredibly witty way of saying it, wanna come over for a circle jerk later?”

  12. Imaginary November 29, 2009 at 8:13 PM #

    If there is any porn we should all be opposed to, it’s fish porn.

  13. Immir March 20, 2010 at 8:32 AM #

    I think it’s obvious, as was posted “I worship Porn”.

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