To the MRAs who would comment on my blog

I know I’ve written two posts that are getting your jockstraps in a bunch. I know you want to have your say. I don’t give a fuck. This blog is officially closed to MRA commenters unless one of you comes up with something better than the bullshit you’ve been sending me. Your arguments are too simple-minded for me to take seriously, and you can’t seem to carry on logical discussions. READ MY COMMENT POLICY (and read this and this). If any of you can see past your anger for long enough to conduct a reasonable discussion, I’ll post your comments, but my blog isn’t your blog. You don’t get to come here and use my readership as an audience for your poorly thought-out, misogynistic nonsense.

Let me tell you who this blog is for. It’s for feminists, it’s for women’s liberationists, it’s for men who support feminists, and it’s for thoughtful and open-minded people who are interested in learning about women’s perspectives. It is not here for people who mistakenly believe that women have nothing to object to in today’s world and that feminism is useless and wrong.

I am more than willing to discuss men’s issues. I don’t deny that there are men who have suffered misfortunes and been discriminated against in one way or another. What I do deny is that our entire social/legal/political/cultural structure is geared in such a way that men always get the short end of the stick.

If you want to talk about programs that would allow men to work less and thus play a larger role in their children’s lives (which would free women to pursue their interests as well), I’m on board. If you want to talk about possible solutions to our rather blunt and failing family laws, then we can do that. If you want to talk about how to deal with cases of sex abuse and domestic violence effectively, we can also do that. But if you just want to come here and say that feminists are wrong because “men suffer too,” I’m not posting your comments. That is a logically flawed argument. I don’t disagree that there are men who are raped, there are men who are abused, there are men who don’t get treated fairly at times. But that does not mean that feminism doesn’t matter, it does not mean that, because one man suffered a rape, the statistically thousands of women who are raped for every man who is raped have nothing to complain about. That one woman abuses her husband does not mean that the thousands of women who are abused by their partners have no right to complain. Get it?

Let me make this 1000% clear: I’m not going to consider the idea that feminism is “nothing but whining.” I’ve spent about 15 years thinking about these issues, and many years studying them and their related phenomena, and that some half-assed Google researcher “disagrees” with feminism equals dick in my book.

I don’t give a shit if you can provide an example of a time a woman did something shitty. I don’t claim men are all bad and women are all angels, which you’d know if you read my blog without letting your anger overpower your reason. I am here to discuss issues, not whether men or women are better. So if all you have to say is that women suck just as much as men for some reason or other, piss off. That kind of thing is beneath me and beneath my readers.

Anti-Americans, that goes for you, too.

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32 thoughts on “To the MRAs who would comment on my blog

  1. Apologies, I seem to have been mistaken. All you said that saying just that men and women are equal is forbidden.


  2. Men and women aren’t equal because our laws and social structures won’t allow it. If I’ve said men and women are different, that doesn’t mean there’s some sort of quality judgment being made. So yes, you are mistaken.


  3. You know, I thought getting attention from the general public would be a good thing, that maybe some people who might not have been thinking about this stuff would accidentally find my blog and find something of interest, but it seems that all I get when randoms look at my page is comments with the word “cunt” in them. Oh well. I guess I can hope that for every one of those there’s probably at least one person whose IQ breaks 100 that might actually consider what I’ve said.


  4. You RULE, deario! Well said, well said! I’m new here, and I adore you for speaking your mind and doing it in such a no-nonsense, take no bullshit way.



  5. N.D., your logic is, as always, impeccable. I hope you don’t let these problem-people get you down. I don’t know where these guys come from, but they just seem to appear all over the place. It’s weird, beyond comprehension how some men could write such rude, hate-filled, and astonishingly irrational comments.


  6. I swear that there’s a sea of people reading some completely different blog and then commenting on it here. Like someone decided to play a trick by making some really bizarre blog posts, but if you click on “add comment” on that blog, it gets redirected to the comment page here.


  7. Do your thing, lady. I have no sympathy for men who think they’re oppressed because women (or people of color, or working-class people, or GLBTQ, take your pick of people wronged by the patriarchy) are making gains in achieving equality which might mean pointing out their inept dickitude.


  8. I theorize that part of the reason MRAs think that men are actually disadvantaged and discriminated against is that they are such incredibly obnoxious twits that even the overwhelming majority of their fellow men can’t stand them. Thus, they do not gain those benefits of male privilege which rely on the sympathy and support of their fellow men, and so don’t realize that those benefits exist.

    That’s certainly not the whole story; the typical MRA’s idea of how well he would have to be treated for it to count as “fair” also generally seems to be quite inflated, but most of the men with excessive senses of entitlement are still not MRAs. I think my theory may explain what more is needed beyond an excessive sense of entitlement to produce an MRA.


  9. You know what’s really tripping me out? These guys actually believe that MOST rape accusations are false. I’ve been checking out a few of their links before I delete their comments and block them, and they often make such a claim. Unbelievable. I am beginning to wonder if MRAs aren’t all date rapists (I can’t wait to see what they have to say to that one, which can’t be any worse than they’ve already said).


  10. ND:

    “Men and women aren’t equal because our laws and social structures won’t allow it.”

    I disagree with even the basic assumptions that underlie this statement. In fact, I think you have it backwards.

    Is an apple the equal of an orange? How can one even compare the two? That’s what it’s like comparing men and women.

    Unequal treatment under law is not the cause, but legal equality should be our goal.


  11. Rock on, Deuce. Forever and ever. Love your blog.

    A Man, what the fuck are you talking about? Human beings are human beings, regardless of their genitalia.

    Unequal treatment is a function of patriarchy. It keeps men in power and women powerless, because of people like you who seem to think that women are not, in fact, human…simply because they have uteri, ovaries and breasts instead of penises and scrotums.

    Gah. Nine Deuce (and all women)…I wish that just once, ONCE, online or anywhere, women could have one fucking conversation that belonged to us and that served us, and that our energies weren’t constantly being sapped and misdirected towards men like A Man and others who feel they are entitled to every single ounce of our time.

    Seriously, do they not understand how many times we’ve heard this crap? Over and over our entire lives. It’s why we’re all in this mess to begin with. And yet they drone on. Oh the (lack of) humanity.


  12. The man who raped me was a HUGE MRA. I have spent a great deal of time wondering if that was a coincidence.


  13. anonymous – I doubt that it could be. I often wonder why they’re so obsessed with “false” rape charges, and the only reason I can come up with is that they fear that their past or present (or planned) behavior qualifies as rape.


  14. Nine, I don’t think they even get that far. I keep hearing that rape is about power, rather than sex, and that rapists do what they do because they crave a feeling of power over someone. In my experience getting raped by an ex-boyfriend, and hearing many other victims tell their story, I’m very skeptical that they do it for a feeling of power.

    Their attitude seems to be that they are entitled to sex. They would never dream of calling what they do “rape,” because as far as they are concerned, they are just taking what they are entitled to take and women are obligated to give. That’s why victims who report their rape, as well as people like you who generally speak out against it, get so much hate thrown at them. In their eyes, it’s a case of evil, vindictive bitches taking away what they have an inalienable right to.


  15. In which case, they already have the power. They don’t need to assault someone in order to achieve of feeling of being power. The power is just something they were born with, which they see as a right.


  16. anonymous- I think you’re right, and you raise an interesting point about entitlement. I’m thinking how the entitlement and the power entertwine is that their sense of entitlement is their power, and they get off on exercising it.
    On perhaps a different level, I think the same craving to exercise their doodly power of entitlement plays into sexual harassment, discrimination, and all the misogynist bullshit you read all over the ‘nets too. They do it because they can, and because they get affirmation from their dudebro wanker friends for doing it.


  17. “These guys actually believe that MOST rape accusations are false. I’ve been checking out a few of their links before I delete their comments and block them, and they often make such a claim.”

    Well since you delete their links and comments, who knows what they are claiming?

    My claim? All rape is bad. And should be stopped. And punished. There is no good rape. False rape is a Type I error, False Positive. Reasonable people strive as hard as we can to reduce all rape, and to reduce False Negatives, rapes that are not reported. False Negatives are a Type II error.

    Experimentalists understand that you cannot drive Type II error to zero without increasing Type I error. When you work to reduce false negatives, you will certainly increase false positives.

    Since we are all human, and have human rights, since much of Western Culture jurisprudence is based on Blackstone’s ration, that it is better than ten guilty go free than imprison one innocent, that it is incumbent on us to take the issue of False Positives very seriously. Not to dismiss it. To listen to the stories of people (men and women) that have suffered it. And to make sure that our actions to reduce False Negatives to zero do what is needed to ensure that False Positives do not increase. And they should decrease.

    Part of that would be to take the problem seriously. To stop sexist cant that says people who are upset with it must be rapists. No, civil libertarians, defense attorneys, good people of all stripes should find false accusations abhorrent.


  18. I delete their comments because my readers don’t need to be insulted on a page that they come to in order to intelligently discuss issues. I delete their links because it isn’t my job to provide them with free traffic.

    I take the problem of rape very seriously. I don’t think people ought to make false rape claims. But from what I’ve gathered in reading study after study and in reading the literature on every side of the issue, unpunished rapes are far more common than false accusations. That 40% you brought up is absurd. If you send me a link I’ll be sure to read the research behind that number, but I’m willing to bet that there’s some serious bias involved.

    I’m repeating myself, but there is an assumption on your part that the western legal tradition is best equipped to deal with the full spectrum of human crimes and interactions. I don’t necessarily believe that to be so. In fact, I think it fails miserably in protecting women’s rights.

    Mind you, that doesn’t have anything to do with my opinion of false accusations. However abhorrent they may be, they cannot be worse than rape itself. And even if they were somehow equally abhorrent, they are far less common. If the goal is serving the greater good, how can you argue that it is better to allow ten guilty men to go free after raping an innocent person than to punish one innocent?


  19. ND – Awesome post.

    A Man – Seriously, you are a moron. I don’t feel like I need to back that statement up because CJ already said all that needs to be said in the comments section. But you still make me angry, so moron it is.


  20. MRA’s really ought to stop bitching about feminists and focus on their own men’s issues- such as man on man violence and the pressures of hyper-masulinity.

    I saw this great documentary on Youtube:
    It delves into the world of hip hop and it’s masculine standards and also the views it has towards women. The best part was it was made by a man (some ex pro-football player, I can’t remember the name of) who is totally into hip hop, so it wasn’t bias or condescending. Anyway- the issues it covers are exactly the type of things MRAs should be looking into.


  21. Immir you big silly MRAs have no interest in critiquing masculinity. That would challenge the status quo. MRAs LOVE the status quo!

    I downloaded that whole documentary. It’s really good. Babywipes Howard aside.


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