The Rules

I’m, like, totally a populist and I’m all about free speech. However foolish it may be, I allow comments from almost everyone, so comment away and say whatever you feel needs saying. BUT, there are some rules, as well as some consequences for breaking them (ridicule, banishment, etc.):

  1. I’m opposed to porn, prostitution, and the comingling of sex and power that characterizes both and is a detriment to healthy sexuality, and many of my readers agree. Anti-porn feminists are doing something very brave by opposing a hegemonic influence on society, and I want to provide them with a safe place to discuss their views with other like-minded people where they don’t have to feel besieged. I also want the opportunity to engage in discussions with people on all sides of these issues in order that we might move forward in some way, but I’ve got to find a way to balance those two goals, and this is it: if you aren’t opposed to porn, you’re welcome to comment here, but please do so directly to me or to other commenters who have indicated that they are open to that. Please do not address anti-porn feminists/radical feminists without asking them first if they want to be addressed. I’ll delete any comment that does not adhere to this guideline.
  2. Don’t be an asshole. If you have something to say, find a way to be civil about it. I’m not required to expose my readers to insults or to give you a soapbox from which to insult me.
  3. Don’t bore me. If you make me respond to the same point more than once, you’re out. I’ll engage in discussion with anyone, but I won’t argue in circles with people who are not arguing in good faith (i.e., people who begin arguing knowing that they’ll never change their opinion regardless of what the facts say). That means: if you’re a dude who is just positive feminists are nothing but whiners and who likes to spend his time sapping feminists’ energy on the internet with ridiculous arguments about how good we women have it these days, you can piss off.
  4. Have a point. And have something better to say than, “Some women suck too, man!”
  5. Be familiar with Feminism 101. If you’re a dude, that means that I expect you to approach this blog with the assumption that I’m not a weak-minded little flower, that I know much more about feminism and being a woman than you do, that I don’t need your advice on how to make my message more “palatable,” and that I don’t need advice on where to direct my anger, among other things.
  6. True or false: We live in a misogynistic culture, and feminism is thus necessary. If you answered true, you’re probably welcome here. If you answered false, fuck off.
  7. I’m the king of Dirk. This is my blog, I can delete whatever I want to delete, and the criteria upon which I base my decision to allow my delete-button-pushing finger to do its work change depending on my mood, how busy I am, and whether I’m drunk. I suppose that means that you commenters ought to make sure your comments aren’t likely to bore or irritate me. That doesn’t mean I’ll delete something just because I disagree with it, but it does mean I reserve the right to delete anything snotty, whiny, or manipulative. If you’re really upset that your 874-word comment didn’t make it past moderation, consider the fact that you might be a) a presumptuous asshole, b) a crybaby MRA, c) stupid, or d) all of the above (D being the most common scenario).
  8. Check your punctuation, spelling, and grammar. If I think you’re an asshole, I’ll make fun of you if you misuse its/it’s, their/there/they’re, or your/you’re. If I like you, I’ll pretend I don’t notice.
  9. Please, please, please, spare us the pointless personal sex anecdotes. I promise, no one gives a shit. If you have had an experience that directly relates to the topic being discussed, feel free to recount it, but that is by no means an invitation to every narcissistic geek with a set of handcuffs to regale us all with the details of his/her sex life in a salacious, explicit (and yet still boring) five-page comment capped with “and that’s why I think your kind of feminism is lame.”

PS – I’m sparing with links. If I bother including them, you should click on them.

131 Responses to “The Rules”

  1. karina May 13, 2008 at 12:49 AM #

    im 17 and a newbe on your website, but im serious, you are THE coolest person alive.
    my friend showed me this website, and after reading alot of your blogs (im trying to read them all) i was so enlightened and you totally opened my mind and i see things differently now about feminism and being a woman in general. i know i sound a little dramatic, :) but u just have a very interesting point on things that i havnt heard before…. keep it up, your definately making a difference and helping destroy ignorance

    • S October 24, 2013 at 11:44 AM #

      Alright, this one made me respond. I’ve been reading the blog just having come across it via well coming across it randomly and started reading it. I agree with a lot of the things said but definitely not this law.

      If you want a society without gender roles, there’s enough evidence to indicate mental gender differences not directly tied to sexual interaction, such as hand-eye co-ordination in aiming a gun for men or language skills in women. Even if their were or weren’t (clothing and other roles such as don’t be assertive in girls are definitely not a part of it), the idle way of combating any of it would be to evolve culture to not increase the differences anymore than biologically present and ideally mitigate the differences as much as possible without causing mental harm.

      As to that law it would definitely invert things and where you say women have no incentive, yeah I’ll yield it could definitely be true on a cultural level there is still base desire incentive. That law would give incentive now, it’s definition creates harm for males without risk to the females, allowing them to take the old role and creating a society and culture that encourages women raping men. I won’t say it wouldn’t be deserved by men by allowing women to do what was done to them. However, it is both destructive to such a society created in the same way that male rape is destructive to this one and on the individual level once you got such things in place decreasingly likely.

      There are a couple other things in society that are huge problems as well such as the police not being required to protect citizens. There are enough rape, kidnapping, murder, cases in the country where the court has decided the police weren’t liable even though they knew such a thing was happening at the time because they aren’t required to protect others even if they are witnessing the crime in front of them. There is a case in New York City of Uniformed armed police offices watching a mans attempted murder and not stepping in until he had physically disarmed his assailant and incapacited the assailant. If he had been a woman she would be dead. There are also cases less extreme than the cops watching the event where they knew of it and did nothing.

      “But Justices Stevens and Ginsburg, in their dissenting opinion, said “it is clear that the elimination of police discretion was integral to Colorado and its fellow states’ solution to the problem of underenforcement in domestic violence cases.” Colorado was one of two dozen states that, in response to increased attention to the problem of domestic violence during the 1990′s, made arrest mandatory for violating protective orders.”
      qutoed from http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/28/politics/28scotus.html?_r=0

      Section 1: Police have to protect citizens from violent crimes when on duty and it is reported or they are witness to it. They also have to arrest.
      Section 2: Accusations of rape requiring mandatory arrest and prosecution, and/or depending on feasibility of first (if always going to trial always proves too problematic just make it the second one), rights for the rape victim including mandatory protective order against the accused rapist, lack of rights for the accused rapist to have any means to incur further emotionally harm the victim (I would add in language to prevent abuse or extra-legal revenge using the law, even if rare would be destructive to anyone of either sex it was used on).
      Section 3 – if there’s going to be castration you have to realize that even when someone said sew up the woman’s vagina that’s still not comparable with physical castration. Testical castration means no more testosterone is produced causing massive hormonal problems for the male, so why not mandate that problem for women as well even if it isn’t directly related to the act of having sex? It also prevents any male reproduction role regardless of actual innocence while for the woman if she keeps her ovaries does have that capacity. So why shouldn’t both genders be stuck with it if convicted? Though rates of males who got castrated would be higher than spayed women.

      The other big change that needs to be made is eliminating any social stigma from rape and giving them room to not be harmed more by reporting.

      • S October 24, 2013 at 11:46 AM #

        Sorry for having that as a reply to her comment, though it was a reply to the post itself.

        • Nine Deuce October 24, 2013 at 12:09 PM #

          Which law are you referring to?

      • Justin October 24, 2013 at 4:35 PM #

        I know a girl who has been physically abused at home by her father and this was revealed to my friends/family. We said tell the police, of course.

        The police showed up and even though the girl had physical marks, they found no cause for arrest!! This was unbelievable.

        (any suggestions on what I should do?)

        Yes, patriarchy and excuse making for male behavior is very much alive and well. What happened to mandatory arrest? Mandatory prosecution? I get angry thinking about this.

        Castration of males for criminals is a great idea; cattle ranchers know that you have to castrate (bulls) or they will become too aggressive and cause problems. The males aren’t as civilized.

        But I know that castrated people can take injected hormones. What would we do about that?

        There are plenty of good police officers out there that truly care. We need to make domestic violence a felony crime, with NO ability to plea it down to a misdemeanor. Otherwise, most DV perps will only have to take a class instead of actually being locked up. That would be a step in the right direction.

        As for the GENERAL duty of the police to protect people, that’s right the court says you cannot sue the police if they don’t arrive quick enough. The idea is that the judges are concerned that it would bankrupt the police department and lead to a public safety problem. Does that send the right message?

      • Sugarpuss October 29, 2013 at 11:34 AM #

        What about the menz!!!

        Fuck off, S.

  2. Nine Deuce May 13, 2008 at 1:02 AM #

    karina – Thanks! That was an awesome comment to read.

  3. Izzy May 13, 2008 at 5:19 AM #

    Check it out, two of us 17 yr old newbies! I can’t quite remember how I got here, but I would like to second the praise and put some emphasis on your anti-porn series. I consider it an awesome resource and have referred a few people to it who were on the fence about porn. (If only I had the power to make things required reading.)
    Anyway, great job and I appreciate it!

  4. Nine Deuce May 13, 2008 at 9:28 PM #

    Izzy – Thanks! It’s funny, I hated that series while I was writing it, but it’s turned out to be the most important thing on the blog. I’m glad to hear that there might be some fence-sitters who will see it. I hope that means the time it took to write might have been worth it.

  5. k May 16, 2008 at 4:04 PM #

    ya know, you should write a book….have you ever thought about it?

  6. jerry June 24, 2008 at 6:01 AM #

    “Don’t bore me. If you make me respond to the same point more than once, you’re out. I’ll engage in discussion with all comers, but I won’t argue in circles with people who are not arguing in good faith, i.e. people who begin arguing knowing that they’ll never change their opinion regardless of what the facts say.”

    Is this reciprocal? Can we expect that you can and will change your opinion depending on the facts?

    I’ve often seen the “don’t bore” me clause use to delete comments and ban commenters who were basically winning the argument. Are you stating this is not ever your policy?

  7. Nine Deuce June 24, 2008 at 6:16 AM #

    Let’s say that your 40% figure is right (no fucking way I believe that, though). When 94% of prosecuted rapes end in acquittal, that means that 34% of actual rapes are going unpunished. Still pretty shitty, no?

  8. jerry June 24, 2008 at 6:21 AM #

    Um, thanks for your response, but I think you were referring to a comment in a different thread. I’m not sure if I should wait until you repost your response in that thread. But I think I will wait….

  9. Nine Deuce June 24, 2008 at 6:48 AM #

    I was, but I’ll respond to this one now (the others may have to wait as I’m out of town).

    I’ll change my mind if someone shows me a logical, holistic argument backed with reliable facts. The fact that such a thing has yet to happen doesn’t mean it can’t, but it is quite unlikely, since I’ve thought about the opposition to all of my arguments thoroughly. In any case, I’ll discuss these issues with anyone who is doing so in a civil and thoughtful way.

  10. Screaming Lemur July 16, 2008 at 8:35 AM #

    I just found this blog (thanks to HellOn Hairy Legs) and have also just started my own feminist-issues blog. I’m trying to articulate my position about porn and the sex industry (among other things) and yours is one of the blogs that’s given me a lot to think about. If it’s cool with you, my blogroll is honored by your presence. ^_^

  11. Nine Deuce July 16, 2008 at 3:47 PM #

    Of course it’s cool with me. Welcome aboard. I’ll be checking your blog out ASAP.

  12. m Andrea July 31, 2008 at 1:35 AM #

    Hi Nine Deuce,

    something odd. In your link name, which shows up whenever you leave a comment, there is an error. It directs to some wacky site, which is apparently why I first thought you were a troll.

    But when I was adding your name to my blogroll, I did a copy and paste job from your website address bar, and yet the exact same thing happened.

    No clue what all that means, and am going to try getting the right address in my blogroll.

    Click on your name in this thread, and the same thing happens.

  13. saintchick July 31, 2008 at 1:44 AM #

    Hi, again not to repeat the others, I love the blog. Shout out to Screaming Lemur for the heads up about you.
    Looking for more posts.

  14. Nine Deuce July 31, 2008 at 1:51 AM #

    Balls! I fucked up the URL in my profile. Too much angel dust. Thanks for alerting me to it.

  15. J B August 16, 2008 at 10:39 AM #

    If women really want to be totally equal with men; that would be quite a drop in status if you ask me.

  16. J B August 16, 2008 at 11:50 PM #

    Sorry; my last comment wasn’t entirely clear. I’m talking about the drop in status women would have to take.

    You know; most men’s lives revolve around protecting and serving their womenfolk.

  17. Oneill August 20, 2008 at 1:10 PM #

    Well..

    i have read threw most of the comments of others and i am most impressed by the fact you have managed to inspire others. And even though it would not be something i would pick up and read i would recommend producing a book about your cause, Even though i do not agree with most of it.
    Id say keep up the good work and and keep fighting for what you think to be write. And as for the anti-porn thing….. Now that would just take all the fun out of life now wouldn’t it ;]

  18. J B August 21, 2008 at 3:23 AM #

    Oneill; I’m not sure Feminism has been as harmless as all that. It has destroyed marriage – once the bedrock of society. Being a single mother now seems to be accepted as a lifestyle choice. Men have been reduced to being nothing more than sperm donors and a cash dispenser. It’s in the nature of most blokes to look after womenfolk; but I think they are taking advantage. It does nothing for our children; who are being brought up in insecure, morally bankrupt environments. They have increased instances of mental illness; increased use of alcohol and drugs; they are shallow, materialistic, individualistic and selfish. They have horrible attitudes about their ‘rights’, and have no sense of responsibility. It can especially affect boys; who are more often denied proper male role models. If families were dysfunctional before – it is nothing to how things are now.

    I don’t know why we expect ‘equality’ to mean that both genders should behave the same way – for example; earning the same amount of money over a lifetime. To me it seems obvious that men and women are different. It is a blessed difference; borne out of the fact that we perform different roles in reproduction. Allow men to be men, and women to be women; each playing to their own strengths. As a result of being encouraged to ‘have it all’ in my country (the UK) women are leaving it later, and later to have children – for the sake of their careers. Being able to ‘have it all’ is of course a lie; there will always be compromises. The fertility rate of western women in the UK has fallen to below replacement levels. The children we do have – in my opinion – are not invested in like they should be either. Meanwhile we have immigration from all kinds of people with identities and cultures of their own; fragmenting our society even more – and doing jobs our own children should have been trained for.

    The immigrant population tend not to have been polluted so much by corrupt western values, or idealistic feminist dogma – and tend to take a more traditional approach to families. As a result; their fertility rate is higher – and our demographic is changing.

    It isn’t all bad news for me though; no western female has yet got her claws into me (I’m a bloke – in case you were wondering). Personally I find the East European women very sexy, and refreshingly unspoilt.

    Feminism doesn’t work – and it deserves to die out, along with the rest of western society’s corrupted nature.

    • Liselotte April 18, 2009 at 2:30 PM #

      Oh. My. God.
      Why do families have to be traditional in order to be good? Why is only the biological father a good male role model?
      The time of patriarchy is a minute in the history of humans. It’s the one which will die out, and it deserves to.

      Don’t talk about demographics!
      I still can’t believe it. There’s far too much humans in the world, far more than the world can feed, the demographics are still growing and the overpopulation is starving no matter what.
      The human population (though it has been matriarchy, then) has started out as much fewer. Once, there weren’t more humans than there were chimpanzees, bonobos or gorillas.
      We can’t stop starvation successfully before we stop growing.

  19. Nine Deuce August 22, 2008 at 4:03 AM #

    Wow.

  20. betty August 29, 2008 at 5:18 AM #

    Ha! JB is funny, backwards and funny… no really I laughed really hard reading his comment.

  21. J B August 31, 2008 at 1:53 PM #

    Betty: I’m glad you find our failure so amusing. Which part did you find particularly funny? Was it the genetic failure of the western women in my country? Was it the way we are failing our children? Or was it our fragmenting society? Perhaps you could tell me why it’s such a laugh; maybe I’ll join in.

  22. B September 2, 2008 at 4:41 AM #

    Betty: I’d love it if you could let me in on the secret to the humor, too. His posts just make me want to throw up, burn down the headquarters of “Focus on the Family”, and/or thank god that not all men are like that. From whence do you draw your spectacular coping abilities?

  23. Screaming Lemur September 2, 2008 at 5:10 AM #

    Translated JB: “Boo hoo, nasty feminists want women to have rights. WHY do they want to take our toys away?! Also, I like Eastern European women cuz they’re submissive sexbots like wimminz should be. Make me a sandwich!”
    …I have no patience for these jerks tonight. No intelligent woman would want her ‘claws’ in you, dude. You’re an asshole. Also, you sound kinda racist. Please go away. I have no coping abilities like Betty, and you give me a headache from banging my head into my desk at your trollery.

  24. J B September 2, 2008 at 8:51 AM #

    B: Who is your “god”?

  25. J B September 2, 2008 at 6:13 PM #

    Screaming Lemur: I take it you think things are going well? Perhaps you are not old / mature enough to be worried about your own family then?

  26. B September 2, 2008 at 7:30 PM #

    I don’t have one. I was just being rhetorical. ;-)

  27. Screaming Lemur September 2, 2008 at 9:30 PM #

    I don’t think everything is going well, and nowhere did I even imply that. I worry about a lot of things in this world, but ‘feminism needs to die’ isn’t the answer I come up with, somehow.
    What’s wrong with single mothers? Or women wanting to be treated as humans rather than sperm receptacles? What exactly do you mean by ‘Let men be men and women be women’? I’m female, with all attendant parts and self-identification. I’m a woman; are you saying that by having a job, being educated, independent, and unmarried, I’m less of a woman? And what’s so great about marriage, anyway? OR fertility, in an overpopulated world?
    …Also, you’re still a racist. ‘Genetic failure of Western women’? Are you kidding me?

  28. J B September 3, 2008 at 12:59 AM #

    B: That figures. I knew it wasn’t going to be the same God as that of “Focus on the Family” anyway. At least you are not a Satan worshiper. What with puking and burning down buildings – I was imagining scenes from “The Exorcist”. I thought perhaps your head was spinning round as well! We can probably do without that kind of rhetoric.

  29. J B September 3, 2008 at 6:36 AM #

    Screaming Lemur: Okay…

    First of all, by “genetic failure” – I mean they are failing to reproduce. I could leave that there, but note that the failure is not because they can not physically do it – but because of certain ideologies they possess I suppose. Interestingly, it is the brightest ‘career’ women who are the most likely to fail in this respect.

    I thought you must think things were going well – because you didn’t address any of the problems that I raised. The other problems in the world you refer to are perhaps different to the ones I was looking at.

    I don’t have a problem with single mothers. It is not an ideal situation though is it? To enter into such a situation by choice, doesn’t seem right to me.

    Where did you get the “sperm receptacles” thing from? Putting words in my mouth again? I’ll come back to this.

    “Allow men to be men, and women to be women”. I’m pointing out that they are different – so we probably shouldn’t expect them to behave the same. I was not being personal about you in any way.

    As for marriage: I am tempted to use the phrase ‘sanctity of marriage’, but won’t for fear of invoking another puking fit in B. When this institution was held in higher regard, and treated with more respect – it seems to me that society was all the better for it. It is a traditional point of view, but traditions only get to be traditional by being able to stand the test of time. That is to say – they work! Surely marriage used to work better in the past, compared to the mess we have today. When marriage actually meant something, it could form a sure foundation for raising children, and for society itself.

    I agree with you about the world being overpopulated. Some people might argue that some sort of cull would be in order. I must say, it is jolly decent of some people to go on ahead and commit genetic suicide. Perhaps I need to reconsider my thoughts. How can western women be the spoilt, selfish creatures I think they are – if they are willing to carry out such an act of self-sacrifice? Unfortunately I think the sacrifice will be futile. The loss of children by one group can be compensated for by another group taking the opportunity to have more.

    Back to the “sperm receptacles” comment. Is it me, or is there a divide between the sexes which appears to be growing? It isn’t helped by having a bunch of women going around with a chip on their shoulders. To my mind the relationship between a man and a woman, should be one of love and collaboration – working together. Feminism has undermined this principle.

    Once marriage was devalued, a bloke can no longer count on a woman staying around. For no good reason she can be unfaithful, possibly take away his house, and his children. (The laws will be different in our different countries, in practice it probably works out about the same.) Naturally, faced with this prospect (presuming rational thought) blokes are going to want to re-evaluate their position.

    Once upon a time, a mother would take the time to instil in her children – decent values, and a moral code. She would ensure their father was around, who would provide a good role model for her sons. This is becoming less and less often the case. Meanwhile, feminists tell us that women can ‘do it for themselves’.

    What is a young man to make of all this? If he has no sense of responsibility; he may guess that impregnating a woman, then getting the hell out of there – is the best he can do! What does it matter? Women can do it for themselves, right? ‘Good luck to them!’ he may think.

    If you are afraid of being treated like “sperm receptacles” – you only have yourselves to blame. (‘You’ means you – feminists.)

  30. B September 3, 2008 at 3:46 PM #

    I’m pretty sure marriage means a whole lot more when it’s an equal institution entered into by two people because they are independent human beings who love each other and choose to commit the rest of their lives together, instead of one of the two being forced to choose it in order to fulfill a social “obligation” to reproduce and a financial necessity to have enough to live on. And weirdly, marriages chosen at older ages, between economically independent people, last longer, report higher levels of happiness, and are generally more stable? Hmm!

    But then, I don’t know why I’m bothering to talk to you. You are clearly delusional about women, and aren’t willing to accept that they’re human beings with wants and desires beyond serving a husband and investing all of their emotional energy in their children. No wonder you believe there’s a lack in women wanting to marry men like you — very few of us are self-hating enough to put up with such extreme medieval shitheads.

  31. J B September 4, 2008 at 8:42 AM #

    B: Our medieval forefathers succeeded in founding all those generations which were to follow. What are you going to leave behind – a nice shoe collection perhaps?

    You can do what you want of course. Your actions will carry consequences though. I have set out what I think some of the consequences of feminism have been. They ain’t all good. Some seem downright destructive. Nobody seems willing to take me up on any of those concerns.

    I get fed up of hearing feminists patting themselves on the back. Their views seem very entrenched. In a movement so relatively young, they have no right to be so sure of themselves. To prevent the next generation from making the same mistakes as the last, perhaps we should have an objective critique of exactly where feminism has brought us. Preferably this critique should have a remit stretching beyond the boundaries of any one individual’s own little life. Maybe feminism could then evolve beyond holding onto its naïve idealism. I hope this isn’t asking too much of some people, people who may be harbouring little insecurities about their own life choices.

    Give your blokes some credit as well. You are never going to get the best out of them by being ungrateful and derogatory the whole time.

    Thinking about it, we should take a good look at the whole of our culture. Where to even start?! What an amoral mess. Women were once the backbone of our society, so I’m looking to you. I’m not sure we have a backbone anymore. Everyone has sold out. I hope we can raise our game before giving radical Islam or something too much scope to move in.

    It’s all going to the dogs if you ask me! :-p

  32. B September 4, 2008 at 8:07 PM #

    I guess things like mentoring youth, leaving behind a legacy of social justice work which makes a material difference in the lives of those around you, key legal victories which secure civil liberties for the citizens of my country, all don’t matter unless I have children, right? Because you can only impact the human race by contributing DNA. Guess Leonardo da Vinci didn’t leave a legacy, either…

    Of course, this idea that feminists can’t have children is absurd. We can and do, typically in stable, equitable families where both parents respect each other and have responsibilities inside and outside the home. But that decision to have children (or to adopt) is made in conjunction with our partners and in the context of the lives that we lead.

    You’re also being silly when you reference “[my] blokes.” Besides the weird nomenclature (why are the men in my life “my” men? I don’t own them anymore than they own men), you know nothing about my relationships with men. I can assure you and many other feminist women have mutually fulfilling, rad friendships with men as well as women. We hang out at each other’s houses, go out to eat, play lazer tag, talk politics, watch movies, go swimming, play beer pong, talk about our lives/selves/relationships and all kinds of other normal friend activities together. I and many other feminist women have mutually fulfilling, rad romantic/sexual relationships with men, too. My best friend has always been a very strong feminist, and she’s getting married this September to a man she loves and respects and who loves and respects her. Two older friends of mine, both vocal feminists, just got married this summer (no, they’re not lesbians, and no, he’s not a “pussy”). They plan to have children at some point in the next few years.

    I’m not insecure. Some of the things you make me angry because I thought we’d come farther than this.

  33. Screaming Lemur September 5, 2008 at 2:25 AM #

    Goddess this guy is made of stupid. He gets BINGO on all the Anti-Feminist Bingo Cards.
    I call troll, and vote that we don’t feed him anymore.
    B, we *have* come farther than this. This moron’s stuck in 1954 and he can stay there for all I care.

  34. B September 5, 2008 at 3:43 AM #

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure we have come farther than this. Just looking at the men and women around me I can see that. I guess I’m just surprised that there is *anybody* left who still thinks a woman’s worth is reliant upon her homemaking, breeding, and childcare abilities.

  35. J B September 5, 2008 at 2:56 PM #

    I didn’t mean it personally. I should have addressed my last comments more generally.

    Of the children that western women are having, how do you think they are faring? How do you think they are going to continue to fare – competing globally, over time (successive generations)? Do you care?

    Since good old 1954, we are just starting our third generation. The first generation did rather well (for itself). I am in the second generation. The third generation is the one people of my vintage will be responsible for.

    Since the first generation screwed up the second, it is now much more difficult to secure a decent sort of environment to be able to raise the third. I don’t see it getting any better from then on.

    There is competition from other cultures, and ideologies – that do not seem to be failing their children so badly.

    Nothing is set in stone.

    I don’t know if you recognise a problem or not. Either way – if we are indeed failing our children – then we need to mend our ways. Our ideas should evolve. Adapt or die! Whether or not this will compromise any of your perceived ‘rights’ or whatever – is really irrelevant.

    Think on. Try not to be too self-absorbed about it. If that is beyond us – I’d say dying out is exactly what is deserved.

  36. J B September 5, 2008 at 5:12 PM #

    Mmmm. Read that back. It sounds harsh. I’m not getting off on being called a “shithead” or whatever. However, I am trying to provoke a response. Genuinely, I think we’ve gone and made a wrong turn somewhere along the line – I’ve said why. I’m looking for a correction that would make me happier about bringing kids into the (western) world I live in.

  37. B September 5, 2008 at 8:11 PM #

    My measure of doing well, I think, is different from yours. I think doing well means being a participating, deeply and critically thinking, compassionate member of society. It means being well-balanced, with an understanding of both independence and interdependence. The more feminist the family, the more likely I believe that is to happen. For me, doing well has little to nothing to do with US international political, military, or economic primacy.

    Scientific advancement does matter, and I do think we’re failing on that front, but I think that has more to do with the anti-science wing of the religious right movement, poor teaching and promotion of science in school, an increasing rich/poor gap, and the fact that smart young women are often steered away from that area, depleting our pool of talent.

    I don’t think having a big population is inherently desirable. I think having a sustainable population with a quality standard of living for all members and groups is much more important. I also think your references to competition are probably misplaced, because the kind of competition for survival and resources you talk about is only necessary in a world of severe resource scarcity. We have abundant resources, we’re just distributing them poorly and thoughtlessly through an inefficient, hierarchic system.

  38. Screaming Lemur September 6, 2008 at 4:53 AM #

    B, you are so patient, and so right, and saying this much more eloquently than I could.
    <3

  39. J B September 6, 2008 at 3:32 PM #

    Yes, charming.

    This may just be showing the difference between males and females. Males tend compete with each other all the time.

    I do wonder though; whether you will still be thinking the same sort of way – after a few more years experience of the world.

    You must recognise how you benefit from being a part of a nation which is so strong in those ways you mentioned. I am just concerned about a rot setting in from the inside out – which is of our own doing. This weakness could then be exploited.

    Let me mention something – which could explain why I may feel these things more acutely than you do. It is something that has been – and is – quite difficult for us to get our heads around. As I have mentioned – I am in the UK. London’s 7/7 bombings were carried out by Islamic extremists – who were British born and bred. They hated us so much, that they could do such a thing. Not only that, but to their own countrymen – against those with whom they were raised. They felt more kinship with their ‘brothers’ in Iraq – a place they had never even been to.

    It suggests to me how sick our society has become. We must have failed them; and we are failing ourselves.

    I realise these were extremists. However, there are other people who would at least sympathise with the bombings. There are still more people who would agree that western civilisation is a degenerative one – and should quite rightly be extinguished.

    In your young nation’s history – 9/11 is about the only time your homeland has ever been hit isn’t it? Which is why it was so shocking to you. Amongst a warring Europe, the British are well aware that one’s security and way of life – are not things one can just take for granted.

  40. B September 6, 2008 at 7:36 PM #

    @ JB: You’re way too quick to make assumptions about me in order to reinforce your imaginary gender roles. I object to screening all human achievement through the lens of competition to accumulate the greatest possible amount of material resources, and you respond with, “See, we MEN are the only ones who really understand competition!”

    Guess what? I was a debater for all four years of high school and am currently attending college on a full ride debate scholarship. I work my ass off because I am competitive, because I love winning and I hate losing. I’m going to be a trial lawyer, and all of that same questing for victory and glory is going to push me to do well at my job, too.

    But, unlike you (apparently?), I understand that competition is only half of the picture. I am not only successful because I am hard working and informed. I am successful because I am privileged. I had two very smart and loving parents who acted as role models, read to me as a child, encouraged me to do my best, allowed me to be independent, taught me to have compassion, and hundreds of other things it would take me pages to list. I come from an upper-middle class background which gave me the resources to travel, attend debate camps, and purchase whatever materials I needed to be the very best. I grew in a safe neighborhood with a world-class public school system. I am white, and spared the judgments and some of the systematic oppression that makes life more difficult for black women. And, yes, you’re right: I’m from the United States, which is politically, economically, militarily, geographically, and technologically privileged in many ways.

    I understand my independence within the larger framework of interdependence. That’s why I intend to use my privilege to dismantle some of the inequity I see in the world.

    But I see that you are failing to respond to the substance of my points in order to pontificate about your views on your pet issues (ie, Muslim extremism). I’m not really interested in discussing those with you here and now, because that’s not really the point of this blog, and I don’t have time to fight you over every detail of your worldview that I disagree with. However, I do take your change of subject as a concession that either feminist families are healthy, and that they are a means for advancing a better society, or you can no longer think of any good reasons why that would not be true.

    P.S. Being a young woman does not mean I do not have a variety of life experiences or that my thoughts are undeveloped. It’s patronizing and obnoxious when you insinuate that you have some secret knowledge that I won’t understand until I’m older. If you have a damning argument, make it. Otherwise, spare me the sneering.

    P.P.S. You forgot Pearl Harbor, the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, and the French & Indian War, Mr. European Guy. But point taken.

    @Screaming Lemur: Thank you. :-) I’ve enjoyed reading your comments on many of these topics as well.

    I am not always this patient. Get me talking about reproductive rights and I may very well stomp out of the (figurative) room in frustration. But sometimes I find it somewhere within me to have long, civil conversations with those whom I vehemently disagree.

  41. J B September 7, 2008 at 4:46 AM #

    B: Feisty aren’t you?

    I thought it was lovely; your idea that everyone could forever just get along together, in perfect harmony and equality – naïve – but lovely. We could all join hands, and put flowers in our hair as well.

    I should hope that as you get older, you do learn more about life. I hope your ideas can develop and evolve accordingly. If not, then your extra experience has been wasted.

    There is a saying which is sometimes attributed to Winston Churchill that goes: “If you’re not liberal when you’re young, you have no heart. If you’re not conservative when you’re older, you have no brain.”

    You have indeed been very privileged. This has been afforded to you because your forefathers managed to acquire the wealth and resources necessary to give you that privilege. Wealth and resources – that at some point have been fought over, and competed for.

    I’ve heard it said (can’t give the source, but I’ve heard it numerous times) that if everyone in the world was to have the same standard of living as those living in America – it would take the resources of seven planet Earths.

    I was using extremist Muslims as an obvious example of where a challenge to our way of life could come from / is coming from.

    I have talked about the relationship between feminism and marriage before. It was one of the first things I talked about because of how feminists have undermined it. I don’t want to comment on individual cases – it is the general picture I am looking at. I hope there are still marriages which work. Good luck to them.

    I would be very wary of marrying a feminist myself – for the reasons I must have already stated (and because I am not stupid).

    So; you are at college? This argument may be like some sort of academic exercise to you. (Try not to be too offended – I mean this in good faith.) It may be worth bearing in mind, that the ways people act; are not really dictated by reason, and logical argument. Our deepest motivations come from animal instincts, emotions and desires – which haven’t really changed since the caveman. These dark forces can even remain hidden from our own conscious minds.

    Perhaps – in the throes of love – a bloke could even go ahead and do something as irrational as marrying a feminist!

    P.S. Miss American: Of those attacks, only the Civil War counts as conflict which happened on the homeland. Pearl Harbour was an attack on a military base in the middle of the Pacific. The French & Indian War happened before America as such really existed. America’s birth happened after – that’s after – the Revolutionary War. Thanks for being gracious enough to take my point though. I suppose you might include the American Indian Wars – where Americans were the perpetrators.

  42. Nine Deuce September 7, 2008 at 3:42 PM #

    JB – You are a condescending, insulting bore, not to mention presumptuous and arrogant far beyond what your rhetorical abilities or knowledge warrant. If you want to keep this shit up, do it at an MRA site. You aren’t welcome here.

  43. B September 7, 2008 at 5:38 PM #

    JB: 92′s right. I’m out of this conversation until you either recover from your delusions of grandeur or start making real arguments. Your response to my discussion competition proves that you either have poor reading comprehension or are incapable of thinking reasonably.

    One point, though. Feminism is not an “academic discussion” to me. Patriarchy is only academic to those with male privilege, which is often times the privilege to ignore gendered oppression. If you were genuinely interested in continuing this discussion, I’d suggest you take a look at these websites before responding (sorry about the formatting if it’s wrong, 92. I don’t know which formatting tags I’m supposed to use in these comments):
    http://ilykadamen.blogspot.com/2007/03/occasionally-conversations-with-my-man.html, http://www.amptoons.com/blog/the-male-privilege-checklist/, http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2007/03/11/faq-what-is-male-privilege/

    Yup, I’m privileged in a lot of ways, too. But at least I respond to that privilege by admitting it, attempting to unpack it, and trying my best not to reinforce or abuse it.

  44. alex (feminist in training) December 30, 2008 at 9:48 PM #

    Hello Nine Deuce,

    First all, I just want to say your blog is great.
    Well..that sounds trite, and I feel a little foolish saying so ..but reading your articles give me a general idea of who you are. It is the same image I get whenever I read many others feminist articles as well.
    That is to say ..it is an image of a confident, intelligent woman who’s not afraid to speak up her mind. And that is also the general image I have of most feminists, however I’m afraid I’m not a full fledged one yet.
    If I may launch into a story to explain this, it is all due to a weakness in my personality. I’m generally a loud-mouthed, opinionated person but when it comes down to it, I don’t have enough confidence to be a feminist.

    I didn’t read the entire ‘debate’ that went on, but reading JB’s first comment which ignited all of this makes me realize it sounds very similar to what a friend of mine had said a couple of weeks ago.
    She also believes that men and women have their own roles in lives and should act accordingly. She said men and women are fundamentally different. Even just looking at it biologically, she said, you’ll see that women’s bodies are built in a way to make it suitable for child birth, whilst men’s for hard labor.
    The whole time that we argued, she didn’t deny the rights of women or equality. She only maintained that feminist is a silly thing that is just too blown out of proportion. The way she treated my rebuffs made me feel like an awkward fumbling creature who was just creating a lot of noises.
    In the end, a friend intervened and said perhaps we have a difference of opinion because I’m from Canada where we value freedom of speech and liberty whereas she’s from Europe where they prefer harmony.
    I agreed to disagree with her, but that whole incident left me feeling slightly disturbed.

    But whenever I read blogs like yours, it makes me think I should be more confident in what I stand for, and make rational, legit arguments without getting too hot headed too fast.
    To finally come around to my point, I just want to say that I look forward to reading more of your posts and gradually becoming a person who’s good enough to proudly say, ‘I’m a feminist.’

    • Liselotte April 18, 2009 at 11:16 PM #

      Which Europe is Europe?
      Eastern und Southern Europe- then this might be generally true.
      But for countries like France, Scandinavia, Germany, ….. it certainly ain’t (again: generally) that way.
      Europe’s very heterogenous.
      I mus know it, I’m from Germany.

  45. PanPaw February 4, 2009 at 3:01 AM #

    I just found this website one hour ago. I haven’t had time to read all the entries yet but I’ve read enough to know that I am now a devoted fan of this blog. Thank you for saying everything I wanted to say as well as everything I didn’t know I wanted to say until I read this. Your writing is clear, concise, and, best of all, it makes me laugh. I love how you pick out and highlight the absurdities in what it means to exist as a “woman” in patriarchal society. I love how you make me feel okay to be a heterosexual, intelligent, independent woman who has desires and wants sexual fulfillment but is starting to see how more and more difficult that is becoming in a porn-based culture. Thank you so much. Please keep writing.

  46. Nine Deuce February 4, 2009 at 3:09 AM #

    Thanks!

  47. Wen April 5, 2009 at 12:29 AM #

    May you always be as brash, honest, and witty as you are now. Oh, and brave. Without your bravery, readers like me would not have this gem of a website.

  48. Ceri April 6, 2009 at 4:49 PM #

    Hey, as a feminist woman from England I just wanted to cheer B. Firstly for her comments, when earlier in the conversation he was actually debating issues, and secondly for refusing to dignify JB with further debate when he sunk to the level of being insulting and patronising towards you by suggesting your views come from naiveity and ignorance because you are young, a student, and American. Well, I am none of those things, and I know some women far older than me who are even more radical than I am, so his implication that you would grow ‘up’ and ‘out’ of your feminism and liberalism is just BS, as is his comment that you aren’t qualified to understand what he is saying about the cultural implications for the future of feminism because you are American.

    Similarly I wanted to respond to Alex – it seems to me that your friend who intervened was trying to find a tactful way to end the argument, by identifying something positive about both your positions and getting you to agree to disagree. However, I think it was a very simplistic comment at best (if not complete BS) to attribute your view and her view to Canadian versus European priorities. I’m not surprised you were left feeling slightly disturbed. I wouldn’t be surprised if somewhere you felt that (though in a more subtle way than with JB’s comments to B above, and perhaps with good intentions) you were basically being invalidated about your views, and opinions. Ie the implication is that your defense of liberty aren’t passionately held rational opinions – they are a biased perspective because you are Canadian. Liberty not as important as harmony in Europe? Well ha ha ha! Liberty, Equality, Fraternity, is the French motto, for example.

  49. Maggie April 19, 2009 at 11:21 PM #

    if you aren’t opposed to porn, you’re welcome to comment here, but please do so directly to me or to other commenters who have indicated that they are open to that. Please do not address anti-porn feminists/radical feminists without asking them first if they want to be addressed. I’ll delete any comment that does not adhere to this guideline.

    Thanks a lot, Nine, for providing a safe space. :) I will come back soon (during the week).

  50. Calvin April 23, 2009 at 4:33 AM #

    Hello,

    Are there any posts on this site that you consider reccomended reading? I read the new posts on the front page and the Bill Maher thing already. I didn’t know there were people that were worse than my dad but now I do…and reading about the thought process lots of men have is good to be aware of/ good to read about too.

    (sorry about my poor grammar and spelling- i went to a lame art college)

    • Nine Deuce April 23, 2009 at 4:53 AM #

      The “I Go Off, Dude” section maybe. They’re my favorite posts.

  51. Becstar May 19, 2009 at 5:47 AM #

    So after considering myself a radfem, but then failing miserably after the bf wanted to try BDSM and I tried to be all liberal and actually attempted to engage in conversation with BDSMers to try and change my mind (stupid, stupid idea) and copping all their verbal abuse (which is even more amusing coming from people who talk about how respectful and non-abusive they are) I started reading your blog and I feel like I’ve found sanity again. They are fucking crazy rape-apologists. I’ve learnt my lesson – only ever try to communicate with the sane.

  52. Miss Love August 30, 2009 at 1:52 AM #

    I am going through a break up with an asshole that I totally wasted 11 years of my life on. I came across this blog as I typed “men are assholes” in the google search (out of boredom I guess) and I swear, I feel as if I was MEANT to find this blog!!!

    Thanks so much for creating it, I only read one post so far, but I am going to use your blog to help me move on with my life and leave that selfish asshole for good this time! Everytime I get upset or start to feel sad about him, I am going to come to this blog, lol.

  53. Ashley October 8, 2009 at 4:06 PM #

    Hi,
    I just found this blog – I’m anti-porn and have been keeping a video blog about it on youtube. I am seriously getting crucified. Your site helps me realize i’m not alone in this opposition. I think you’re extremely strong and noble for doing this, kudos to you!

    • Nine Deuce October 29, 2009 at 4:56 PM #

      Hi and welcome. I wanted to let you know that I just saw your video posts and that I applaud you for having the courage to make your views known in such a format. I’m not sure if I could do it! As for the comments you are getting, please don’t let them get to you. There are a lot of stupid assholes out there who will come to feminist blogs/Youtube pages/etc. and say unbelievably heinous shit because they think it’s funny, or it’s a way to put us in our place, but what’s really going on is that they are angry because they’re being forced to think about something they’re doing that’s wrong. A lot of people have come to see using porn as something they’re entitled to, and that’s the big underlying factor in almost every negative response I get. People really need to ask themselves why it is that they think they’re entitled to use a product that requires that women be abused in order to exist.

  54. Jolie October 10, 2009 at 8:21 PM #

    I just found your blog, and it makes me feel less alone in my opinions. While I don’t agree with everything you say, reading your blog helps me with my own struggles. I vow to never dress up as a sexy bumble bee,nurse maid, turkey, etc.

  55. Linda October 12, 2009 at 10:30 PM #

    I have been reading your blog for 2 days now. I came upon it while googling BDSM and Renaissance Faires. I am getting divorced from a man who slowly and insidiously brainwashed me into believing that by participating in BDSM rituals, I would become a stronger, more successful woman. He was into leather whips and chains, and porn, porn… and more porn…cross-dressing, and swinging. Actually the list goes on. He tried to tell me that it would be good for me to be tied up in the bedroom all day with just enough rope to go to the bathroom and be forced to watch porn non-stop. I have broken free of his spell, but now I have my daughter to protect as he has now become super dad and insists on visitation. I knew he would start hanging out at renaissance faires (no offense to renaissance fair-ees) and I know why he would be attracted to the gothic dark ages stuff. I love your writing style. You get to the point and say it so well. Thank you. I will keep reading.

    • Nine Deuce October 12, 2009 at 10:38 PM #

      Thank you for the compliment and welcome aboard. The BDSM posts aren’t that recent, but the comments on all of them are still open, should you wish to add your experiences (though of course that is all up to you). I am very sorry to hear that you had to suffer through that kind of manipulation and abuse, and I applaud your decision to get yourself and your daughter out of that situation. It surely took a lot of courage.

      • Linda October 12, 2009 at 11:01 PM #

        Thank you – I will check out those posts.

  56. Jess October 20, 2009 at 3:55 AM #

    OK. Seriously. You are my favourite person. Ever. Sometimes I feel like no one (male or female, because so many girls have been conditioned to think like a male and belittle themselves) is nearly or at all as passionate about man-hating as I am.

    Home at last!

  57. Hoyahead October 22, 2009 at 5:25 PM #

    Hi 9-2,

    I don’t mean this to be a reply to anything, but sometimes your blog is the only thing that keeps me sane in a world that doesn’t recognize that women are people.

    This article (http://www.gazette.net/stories/10212009/rocknew222349_32522.shtml)
    made me so sad and angry…

    I’m sure you have a long list of stuff you’re planning to blog about in the future, but I thought on the off chance that you’re looking for something, you might be interested in the fact that a judge basically blamed the gang rape of a 15-year-old-girl on the fact that she had gotten too drunk and had been “provocative and exhibited sexual behavior towards” her rapists.

    I really love your blog–thanks for writing.

    Sincerely,
    Kelly

  58. allyssamarie November 5, 2009 at 5:21 AM #

    I’m sure you know this.. but you seriously kick-ass.

    Thank you for being alive.

  59. Vanessa November 23, 2009 at 5:15 AM #

    did this work?

  60. Vanessa November 23, 2009 at 5:16 AM #

    I hate guys….

  61. vanessa December 19, 2009 at 1:39 AM #

    Hi Nine deuce…. Are u only available on Twitter? Id like to friend request u or somthin, but I dont have Twitter…………..

    • Nine Deuce December 19, 2009 at 1:55 AM #

      Yep, my Twitter is over on the top right, but you’ll have to have Twitter for it to work.

  62. Kelly January 26, 2010 at 2:22 PM #

    Hello Nine Deuce,

    Have you read Chris Hedges’ book “The Empire of Illusion”? It’s depressing, but chapter 2, extremely upsetting, is a call to arms to end pornography, if ever there was one.

  63. Beacle February 20, 2010 at 4:46 PM #

    ?

    I posted here maybe 3 weeks ago, and my comment was denied.

    I don’t know if you just overlooked it, or if it never came, or what, but it doesn’t matter I suppose.

    Why do you hate all men? What did I do to you? Yes, there are some misogynistic assholes out there, who would seek to deprive women of all of their rights (which were hard earned, especially suffrage) and would only like to see them in the kitchen and in the bedroom.

    I’m not like that. My friends are not like that. My family is not like that. In fact, I have never, ever, in my entire life, met a fellow man, boy, thing with a penis, like that.

    I don’t understand why you hate on ALL men. It’s just SOME men. SOME. I’m struggling to understand this.

    Even if you don’t post this comment, could you at least shoot me an e-mail why you hate men so much, and not just the men who are misogynistic assholes who shouldn’t been shot out of a cannon and into space a long time ago?

  64. Jenna February 23, 2010 at 7:09 PM #

    Beacle, you’re living in a dream if NO MAN you know is sexist in any way, shape or form. In fact, I’d be willing to bet my left tit that YOU are sexist in that smarmy, patronizing, “boys will be boys so ignore it” kind of way.

    I don’t think Nine Deuce hates men. She merely hates the fact that you have more rights, power, influence, prestige and money merely because you have a penis. Men like you simply DO NOT GET IT. You don’t understand that women have fewer rights, fewer privileges, less money, less power and less legal recourse. You don’t have to worry about being percieved as a fuck-toy or having your credibility questioned if you are too pretty, too sexy, too smart, too dumb, too blonde, too busty, too skinny, too brunette, too blue-eyes or just have a vagina. You aren’t concerned with being raped or being insulted or humiliated because of your gender. You don’t have to worry about the million things that women do in order just to live in this society.

    Beacle, darling, pudding, dumpling, sugar……let me disabuse you of one teensy little notion that you have gotten stuck in your pretty little head……ALMOST ALL MEN ARE SEXIST TO SOME DEGREE.

    Yep, you got it, punkin…….EVEN YOU.

    You want to know what you did to make us (yes, me too) hate your whiny, vain-glorious, dismissive little self? You refuse to admit your sexism. You refuse to see the pain YOU INFLICT with your blase attitude and your white-washing of repulsive ideas and act committed against women EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF EVERY SINGLE DAY. You refuse to even consider that there MIGHT be some truth to what feminists say.

    Beacle, to sum it up succinctly, you’re either for us or against us. Pick a hole and get in it.

  65. Julian Real February 24, 2010 at 6:19 AM #

    @Beacle

    Spare the women here your ignorance. Come on over to my blog and find a place to comment and let’s tawk.

    Seriously. Google “A Radical Profeminist”.

    And please never make a comment like that again, anywhere. Seriously.

  66. Beacle February 25, 2010 at 3:38 AM #

    What?

    I was asking a logical question as to why all men are suddenly lumped into the shit category.

    Yes, I’ve known guys who are sexist. I misstated that, and I’m sorry about that. I’ve known plenty of guys who are sexist. I choose not to acknowledge them, and not to hang around them.

    Jenna, I don’t mean to sound contradictory or lame in my attempts at a rebuttal, but when you say, “ALMOST ALL MEN ARE SEXIST TO SOME DEGREE,” isn’t that sexist in itself? You’re being prejudiced (“an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason” according to the dictionary definition) by lumping men (or almost all men) into a category of sexist, while not implying at all that a woman can be sexist or vile in the same way a man can.

    I am with you. I completely agree men should have the same rights as women, and women should have the same rights as men. All for one and one for all. I said that in my post TWO times.

    I’m not sexist. I have never opposed women’s rights, I have never whistled at a woman, I have never said, “you know what, women have it just as good as men.” Women are still lacking in rights even today. I just wanted to know why I, who has NEVER done anything against a woman, am being blamed for it, along side the 83-year-old grampa who still beats his wife and tries to solicit random women on the sidewalk.

    (Also, when you say “I don’t think Nine Deuce hates men,” why is the title of her article, “Why I Hate Men Part 2: Guys Take Up Space?”)

  67. JRB February 25, 2010 at 2:53 PM #

    I’m really happy to have discovered this blog. Great presentation and zippy writing style. Of course, what you are saying is best of all.

    Thanks for giving us the benefit of your experience.

  68. Pixie February 25, 2010 at 7:50 PM #

    Beacle, none of this blog content is aimed at you PERSONALLY. So stop taking it PERSONALLY.

    It’s great if you are not a sexist arsehole. I don’t need to hear about it. I don’t know you, will never know you and I really don’t care. I’m not going to reward you for it so just quietly go about being the nice, non-sexist man you claim to be. I help people every day. I go about my day not being sexist/racist/ageist. At the end of the day I don’t go up to people within these groups and say “I wasn’t sexist/racist/ageist today, reward me/pat me on the back!” That’s not how being a decent member of society works.

    As for asking why do the people who comment on this blog/Nine Deuce hate all men, (obviously I am speaking from my own point of view here and do not speak for the other commentors/Nine Deuce), I’ll tell you why. A) I don’t hate men. B) I am extremely cautious when it comes to men. 9 out of every 10 men I meet is openly sexist in some way. It is so engrained into our society that most men do not even realise that they are being sexist. Sexism does not even have to be extreme (such as rape, porn, sexual harassment, the opposition or women’s rights etc), to be sexism. It’s the little things, talking over women, commenting on them, questioning their decisions, the way we are portrayed in the media etc. The lack of consideration for anyone but other men. That feeling of entitlement and privilege that most men are not even aware that they exude. I hate that. Big time.

    Why does anybody on this blog hate ALL men? Have some cop on. Would you ask a jew why they hate ALL Germans? Would you ask an African-American why they hate ALL white people? I should hope not. Think about it.

    Oh and I’m pretty sure you should have a sense of humour about the “Why I hate men posts”. They are meant in jest as far as I have gathered. Besides, they aren’t entitled “Why I hate ALL men”, are they?

  69. Beacle February 27, 2010 at 3:10 AM #

    Okay, that was the response I was looking for, Pixie. A straightforward reasoning behind the apparent madness.

  70. David March 2, 2010 at 1:29 PM #

    Ok, I haven’t read all of JB’s comments. Just enough to make me wish I hadn’t.

    I’m not going to respond to him, the women on here have done a far better job than I could.

    I’ll just say (to the women – this means you don’t comment JB): he’s right in one very messed up way.

    Those people (whether they style themselves feminist or not) who are concerned about women’s rights and about the impact of population growth on the planet, are being responsible and having fewer kids.

    Whereas trolls such as JB are breeding like flies.

    Yeah, the kids are not necessarily going to be like the parents in either case, but…

  71. SS March 9, 2010 at 4:40 AM #

    I have been thinking for a few minutes now just how I should comment, because I definitely want in on this conversation.
    I should start by explaining that I am a female Marine. I am a real feminist, in that I work my ass off to be taken seriously and I work with the most masculine type you can imagine, and am treated with nothing but respect. I am not an idiot; trust me when I say the respect extends to when my back is turned.
    My comment is this: Women need to force this issue. We need to make it known that we will not tolerate being belittled in even the kindest way, and we need to take equality by storm.
    I do not believe this blog is achieving that. What I mean is that I keep seeing resounding negative feedback toward men trying to participate, shock value, and ‘facts’ that are rarely linked or sourced.
    **I am with you guys on this.** I am not some anonymous internet type misrepresenting myself. I simply believe that men respond very well to strong women who do not treat them like crap, as evidenced by my experience. It is anecdotal, to be sure, but am I really the only one who isn’t pissed off?
    This might be taken the wrong way, but I am going to include it anyway:
    The women I know who have really earned something for themselves are not angry, nor pessimistic. YES, there is huge room for improvement in the world, but it is human nature to want it to come without effort. I would like to see more from women. Strength, confidence, self-esteem, comraderie. Times will change for us. Negativity holds us back.

    • Nine Deuce March 9, 2010 at 4:50 AM #

      What is the suggestion? To not call attention to misogyny? There are a lot of negative things in the world, and I think it’s important to point out why they are unjust. As for going out and doing things for myself, why are you assuming that I’m not? I don’t live in a tiny isolated cave with nothing but a computer screen to illuminate my angry fist in the air. I go out and do things every day, and I behave toward others in exactly the manner you described. I can and do do both because I think both are important if things are going to change. I poke fun at and rip on things on this blog in the hopes that I will get people to think. Outside, I behave as if I expect to be treated as if this blog weren’t necessary.

  72. SS March 9, 2010 at 5:15 AM #

    I promise that I don’t assume anything about your accomplishments, life, goals, etc. I was generalizing about the women I know. You can probably picture them without much description. They are regular, and they behave in a way I find silly (though I am a jerk). They get behind feminism because it is a form of entertainment for them. All, “hear, hear,” as long as no effort is involved. Then they flirt with worthless guys and undercut each other, put minimal effort into their jobs and educations, and that’s it. It is a depressing situation.
    I am devoutly behind the concept that we can’t change men until we change women.
    I like your blog because it is fearless, and not many people are willing to be that way. You actually share my value of being unapologetic. I suppose I just want women to be accountable, because I expect a lot from our gender.

  73. Lillie March 9, 2010 at 2:42 PM #

    SS, that word – “accountable” – strikes a false note in my ear. Women can and are being held accountable for their own choices, but women can’t be held accountable for things done by men.

    And yes, I do agree that a lot of the time it’s true that people treat you like crap if you let them, but at the same time I refuse to believe that anyone should go out of their way to be a “strong woman” in order to be given the basic respect that we owe our fellow human beings. “We expect things to come without effort”… here’s the thing: I don’t expect to get a pay raise or an Olympic medal without putting in the effort. But human rights aren’t something that you should have to earn.

    I don’t even know what “strong woman” is supposed to mean here. A woman capable of standing up herself, refusing to take any crap from anybody? I’d like to think that’s what most women want to be, but women come in all shapes, sizes and situations, and not every woman is even capable of defending herself in every situation. Not every woman is quick-witted enough to fend off verbal abuse on the spot, and not every woman is strong enough in the body to get out of a threatening or dangerous situation by kicking some ass. And the thing is, they shouldn’t have to be.

    I mean, “they flirt with worthless guys and undercut each other, put minimal effort into their jobs and educations, and that’s it” – that may describe a lot of women, but replace “guys” with “girls” (if we’re only talking about straight people here) and that would also describe a lot of men. Most people achieve nothing remarkable in the course of their lives, even when they’re given amazing opportunities to do so. But I just have to reiterate: a woman shouldn’t have to accomplish something awe-inspiring in order to be treated with decency and respect. You make it sound like an ideal woman needs to be better, stronger and less lazy than “other women” in order to be treated as an equal by men. That’s not a solution; that’s part of the problem.

  74. Jude March 28, 2010 at 7:27 PM #

    you must hate fight club..

  75. Nine Deuce March 28, 2010 at 7:47 PM #

    Worst movie ever made.

  76. Jude March 28, 2010 at 8:00 PM #

    Best book ever written.

    • Nine Deuce March 28, 2010 at 8:14 PM #

      Sure, if the only other thing you’ve read is a comic book.

  77. isme March 29, 2010 at 4:01 AM #

    Hey!

    Nothing wrong with comic books.

    Well…ok…nothing inherently wrong with comic books…in theory.

  78. Jude March 29, 2010 at 3:17 PM #

    Coincidentally, Maus is my second favorite book. But that’s more of a graphic novel. >.>

    Anywho, I love your site! Bye!

  79. polly June 3, 2010 at 2:56 AM #

    How many feminists does it take to change a man?

  80. Imaginary June 25, 2010 at 10:29 PM #

    To polly: One with a tire iron?

  81. kali September 19, 2010 at 11:55 PM #

    I read only one blog entry but appreciated your insights… which made it all the more painful for me to see “Who is this bitch?” scrawled atop the page. Et tu with this “bitch” talk?

    • Nine Deuce September 20, 2010 at 10:38 AM #

      I was sort of putting words into the mouth of a shocked reader. I don’t ever call myself a bitch (or anyone else), but I imagined people reading my posts and asking themselves that, and I wrote that ridiculous about me page with them in mind as I figured I don’t need to explain who I am to anyone who gets what I’m laying down.

  82. jlane October 19, 2010 at 3:12 PM #

    Hi Ninedeuce,

    Just wondering if there is anyway for your blogreaders to email you? I don’t mean in a flaming, trolling sense.

    Thanks for your time

    • Nine Deuce October 19, 2010 at 3:52 PM #

      The address is over on the right.

  83. Mar September 7, 2011 at 12:14 AM #

    I’m in the process of emerging from a five year coma (read, cohab with an emotionally and physically abusive, alcoholic narcissist). Still feeling a bit stupid, and lost. Among other things, you, Nine Deuce, are an especially effective smelling salt.

    (What I mean is – your voice is sharp, familiar. Maybe a little bit mine, too.)

    Thanks.

  84. Jordana October 5, 2011 at 2:17 PM #

    I love you.

  85. MB October 20, 2011 at 11:45 AM #

    Love your views; love these rules.

  86. Iris Belew November 16, 2011 at 2:35 AM #

    I love this site! You dare to say and feel all the things I FEEL but I’m afraid to say. Thanks so much! I look forward to reading more.

    Iris

  87. Lindsay December 12, 2011 at 3:20 PM #

    I was directed to your site by my friend Lili who runs PoSARC, I lived with a porn addicted partner for over three years, which resulted in my being treated for PTSD. I decided to write a book and build a website to aid my recovery and to get the message across of the harm porn does. The book and the site are written in a humorous vein but are none the less serious in their intent. I have started a series of podcasts on every area of porn, and I would love to interview you. My site is dontrewardbadbehaviour com (Brit spelling) and you can find me on Twitter as LindzMcKinnon and You Tube helpforpornaddicts. Let me know if you’re interested.

  88. tonya January 6, 2012 at 8:08 PM #

    karina
    Just discovered your blog. Im 42 and want to print your entries and post them everywhere. They are wonderful. You remind me of myself. Brass, crass and to the point. Please, don’t stop. I am going to share all your article so that everyone i know reads them. It’s time to throw our weight around and make some changes on this forsaken planet. I’m sick to death of grown women made up to look like little girls and then we take the little girls and make em look like grown women. No wonder our culture is so fucked up. We don’t know who to be attracted to anymore or what is even sexually healthy. Sorry to ramble on. Jus keep being you and getting the word out.

  89. Kathryn Bradley Leamon January 18, 2012 at 4:16 PM #

    Hello. I am very glad I found your blog. I am a feminist against porn, and I’m having trouble understanding why this isn’t a bigger issue to most people… Thank you for providing a place for us to share our views with people who agree and don’t think we’re psycho. I wish we could me the anti-porn movement bigger.

  90. freeirishwoman May 5, 2012 at 4:30 AM #

    Hi Nine Deuce, I’ve just been made aware of your blog – it’s such a joy to read a woman who knows what she’s talking about speaking her own mind.

    I wonder would you check out my blog and maybe link it under your anti porn/prostitution blogroll? Many thanks,

    FreeIrishWoman

    theprostitutionexperience.wordpress.com

  91. freeirishwoman May 5, 2012 at 7:26 AM #

    Hi there, me again. I’ve just decided to run my blog through my own domain name so you’ll find me at theprostitutionexperience.com

    Hope you stop by! :)

    FreeIrishWoman

  92. freeirishwoman May 5, 2012 at 3:29 PM #

    Thank you! :)

    FreeIrishWoman

  93. Truthteller May 24, 2012 at 12:07 PM #

    I really appreciate your wit and style. On behalf an sexual assault survivor who cannot yet take on the MRA’s and other misogynists directly because their responses are always so inane and triggering (I’m not wasting a day having flashbacks on those f’ers), thank you for kicking ass.

    Your articulate rebuttals cut right through the bullshit. It’s nice to see that some women still understand that rejecting rape culture and violent porn is not insulting people’s individual choices, but rather honoring the voices of those who have suffered from the harsh realities of the effect of rape culture has had on the culture as a whole and in the (in)justice system in particular. The first question they asked me after the assault was, of course, “What were you wearing?” asked other insulting questions like whether the stranger-rapist just “mistook” me for a prostitute. The man got off on a technicality and I got PTSD, Yeah!

    Anyhow, I don’t mean to soapbox here, but I am going to because I don’t get on the internet much and I really need to say this: I ended up on this blog because I am sick of “sex-positive feminists” spending pages and pages crying that people don’t validate their right to have rape fantasies (you know who you are…I know you lurk here). Reality check: rape is UNWANTED, UNDESIRED sex. Period. Fantasy is by definition driven by DESIRE. You can’t desire something that is in it’s essence UNWANTED. So it’s not a fucking “rape fantasy” ok? So please the next time you sex-poz femmes sit down to blog about how oppressed you are because people don’t validate your lame abuse fantasies, why consider using that all that exposure to, uh I don’t know, like help suffering women…or nevermind, just keep posting all that crap about how you just want the right to dream about being raped, or whatever. My 2c.

  94. Truthteller May 24, 2012 at 12:52 PM #

    To quickly illustrate my point: On one the top mainstream feminist blogs a search for stories containing the phrase “rape recovery” brings up 2,378 posts, but “rape fantasy” garners 2,768 posts. That’s almost 500 more posts! I am sure they do it because “rape fantasy” gets a lot more clicks, and they are happy to rake in ad revenue by exploiting myths about sexually assaulted women and girls. If that weren’t bad enough, they have the gall to call themselves “feminist” in the process. Sheesh…

  95. sameolsht July 10, 2012 at 2:02 PM #

    Thank you, Nine Deuce!

  96. Jordan July 30, 2012 at 4:24 PM #

    I don’t mean to “bore you” by making a point that you’re not interested in hearing. I consider myself a feminist, granted, a flexible term in this blog. I do not think that working in the sex industry is a healthy lifestyle- I don’t believe anybody does. And I do mean to make that a general statement, as someone who used to work in the sex industry- even pro-porn advocates know something is wrong. But the idea is not to deprive the women who (if unstable mentally or not) want to be working in the sex industry (porn, prostitution, etc.) a job. If we legalize things like prostitution or not look down on the girls who choose to do what they will with their bodies on film or whatever, more women who want to work will, and there will be less demand for things like human trafficking. I feel like you’re missing the point and degrading the women who make a decision to work in the sex industry. What we “feminists” should be fighting for is not the end of porn or prostitution but the end of “THOSE EVIL MEN” trafficking young girls or women to fill the gap in demand for this “commodity.” Another thing- I don’t think anti-porn needs a safe haven to talk in. I’m pretty sure most of the country and certainly most of the media holds the same position as you do. Which is, apparently, women are just doing what men want them to without regard for themselves. Maybe if we can get this kind of interest in the human trafficking issue, we can do something about it! Please, girls, see what you can do to help.

  97. isme July 31, 2012 at 5:52 AM #

    Well, perhaps most of people are opposed to porn, but only in the same way that most people are in favour of women’s rights in general…nominally, and with a “but” added.

    As for targetting trafficking, that is all well and good in theory. In practice, however, the institutions that create it need to be dealt with. Having said that, prostitution is legal in the state where I live, and things seems to be working better here than in other states in my country where it isn’t.

    As for encouraging the girls the take an interest in feminist issues…um…

    • Sugarpuss February 17, 2013 at 12:19 AM #

      [...]prostitution is legal in the state where I live, and things seems to be working better here than in other states in my country where it isn’t

      Yeah, I’ll bet things are “working better”…..working better for your DICK. Sorry piece of shit. FYI if you’re referring to places like the Bunny Ranch, many of those women are being held against their will.

      No woman enjoys a job like that. But keep lying to yourself so you can get your kicks, shithead.

      • isme February 17, 2013 at 9:06 AM #

        “Better” as in “better for the Australian women who work as prostitutes”

        Now, you can accuse me of soliciting prostitutes if you like (it’s not true, but I’d be surprised if you believe me), but I am totally irrelevant to this issue. Likewise, yourself. The only people whose opinions’ should matter on this point are the Australian women who work as prostitutes, and I am led to believe they generally find it better working in states where it is fully legalised, than where it is not, chiefly those states seem to do little more than provide bureaucratic obstacles and police hassles.

        Of course, I have no firsthand knowledge of this, I can only go by what I’ve been told by those who do. Since, as I understand it, you do not, I am going to take their word over yours.

        • Sugarpuss February 17, 2013 at 1:35 PM #

          Oh, attitude, huh?

          Actually, I know quite a bit about the topic. How and why I know is none of your goddamned business, though. The point is, prostitution exists because of male supremacy, and the day when women are fully liberated is the day it will die. End of.

          PS If any man ever used that tone in RL, I would have kicked him in the face. Consider yourself lucky.

          • isme February 18, 2013 at 12:47 AM #

            If you have personal experience of the effects of the Australian system, then I stand corrected and can only apologise for assuming that you did not.

            • Sugarpuss February 19, 2013 at 12:32 PM #

              Uh, I’m talking about the effects of PROSTITUTION. Doesn’t matter where it goes down; it’s still misogynistic and destructive.

              Dumbass.

              • isme February 19, 2013 at 8:44 PM #

                I don’t recall saying otherwise.

                • Sugarpuss February 20, 2013 at 1:32 PM #

                  Legalizing prostitution doesn’t make it better or safer or less problematic. You implied otherwise. Stop hopscotching and OWN YOUR WORDS, Mr. Penis.

                  • isme February 20, 2013 at 10:49 PM #

                    Yes, I said decriminalising prostitution seems to have made things better (less worse if you prefer) for women working as prostitutes in Australia.

                    I did not say that prostitution itself wasn’t destructive or misogynist.

  98. Hecate July 31, 2012 at 12:15 PM #

    Hmm, I think it’s all a bit more complex than that. I haven’t seen anyone here ‘shaming’ prostituted women. And the thing is, there is a lot of demand in the sex industry for the ‘infantilized woman.’ Yes, she may be of age, but the fantasy is still there. Even if we were to stop trafficking, it’s time we started looking at the mindset of the johns demanding that grown women reduce themselves to nothing for a few seconds of gratification. It’s not easy to observe a mind that is sick to the core, but it has to be done if we are to free women from being so beholden to men.

    What we still seem to have, is a situation in which women in prostitution take all the blame for society’s ills. It’s ridiculous, because if it were a fair system in which women could receive equal work for equal pay, etc., the sex industry really would not have such a grip or bite.

    You may see what I mean when the economy improves (if it ever does.) Johns will be beside themselves, because the pickings will be pretty slim where their next sexual prey is concerned. The entitled will always find a means to get what they want though.

  99. lizor August 4, 2012 at 7:49 AM #

    Jordan,

    Please give an example of anyone on this blog shaming or looking down on prostituted women.

    I cannot understand what your intended point is (especially since it is founded on a false premise). It seems to rest somewhere in that sentence with all of the scare quotes. Do those quotes mean that you don’t really believe in the fact of “feminists”, “evil men” or a human being turned into a sexual “commodity”? Do you really think there is a clean division between pimps, johns and “prostitution” such that one can be fought without fighting the other?

  100. Kota February 8, 2013 at 12:07 AM #

    I came across your blog a few nights ago. Since then, have been reading the discussions, agreeing with your posts thinking’my god, that’s just how I feel.’ Until I came across this, I had no idea( at all) what feminists were. Here I was thinking I must be the only woman who truly believes ‘porn ruins relationships’ (that’s what I typed in the search bar) and… that’s how I got here. I honestly feel saved. Your so witty, intelligent, and have loads of facts and information to put some of those A-holes in their place. So many other posts by women and men in your discussions, feeling just how I feel… give me hope.

  101. Mimi February 8, 2013 at 9:39 PM #

    Hey kota!

    I’m also new to the site I just found it last week lol but I went through exactly what you described, I just read a ton of bullshit by guys people would try to justify them and say shit like “porn is okay” “if a woman is raped its her fault for showing skin” “guys can hit women if she yells at him” etc and I just disagreed with all that and I thought I was alone on this but I did some research and I come across this site and it’s exactly what I’m thinking and feeling so I’m all relaxed now lmao

  102. A person who deserves to be happy September 9, 2013 at 11:36 PM #

    My hope for you (and myself, for that matter) is that you can enjoy your time on this earth. Regardless of beliefs, I think you’d agree that our time here is limited.

    I admire passionate people but your obsession represents a whole new level. I hope you can learn to be happy. Life is beautiful. People’s opinions are more important then their grammar. You aren’t always right. It starts with admitting to yourself that you might not have all the answers.

    This is just a bit of advice from someone in a late stage of life. I’m old and have learned from many mistakes. I’ve fucked up a ton. I’d like to think you’d stop for a second and consider taking advice, but from reading through your comments and the way you communicate with people, it’s pretty clear that you are extremely closed minded. That is legitimately an understatement. I will repeat that: calling you closed minded is an understatement. You see the world as you wish to see it, and you consider yourself the smartest person in any conversation. Sad.

    I hope someday, somehow, you can get past the “I have all the answers mentality.” By now you have probably decided that my opinion is invalid (once again, you come across as remarkably closed minded), but maybe you’ll eventually grow tired of living based off preconceived notions. Women are beautiful. Men are beautiful.

    I have read over this post and it sounds hateful. That wasn’t my intention. But it’s truly how I feel, and I prefer to be honest. It also sounded condescending, which is ironic, as that’s how I perceive you. Maybe we can both learn something (if we can have OPEN MINDS and see our imperfections).

    Summary: I perceive you as condescending and close-minded. Yet I hope you can figure out a way to be happy and enjoy life. These two statements are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they are both very true.

    • Sugarpuss September 14, 2013 at 1:16 AM #

      ^^^Wow, these fucks are nowhere to be found when a dude is being “hateful”. They stick their fucking heads in the sand and pretend nothing is wrong, but when a woman dares to express any emotion that isn’t a bunch of fake-assed “everyone is beautiful” (including rapists, pedophiles, porn huffers, child bride screwers, etc,) bullshit, they oh-so-bravely crawl out of the woodwork and proceed to wag those fingers.

      Women deserve to be happy, but cannot be happy while suppressing their anger to the point where they eventually explode and turn into ME. What kind of a sick fuck suggests that anger be stuffed deep down inside? Who the fuck are you? The ghost of Tiny Tim? God bless us, every one! Let’s just SMILE and pretend nothing is wrong!

      FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Sugarpuss September 14, 2013 at 1:27 AM #

        And I would just like to add that the more men & handmaidens try to silence female-bodied people, the angrier I become. And what a fucking name! A person who deserves to be happy? And, what? This little blog is where you came to demand what you THINK you deserve? I smell a cock. This one has GOT to be a dude; women rarely feel as if they deserve anything, let alone happiness. Most are too busy making some fucking piece of shit man happy. Constant sacrifice for little or no reward. A thankless job.

    • CPB September 14, 2013 at 3:44 PM #

      Summary: I perceive you as rambling, redundant, and pointless.

    • C October 6, 2013 at 1:45 PM #

      lol this made me smile

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