Elliot Rodger and the Pandemic of Masculinity

3 Jun

I read Elliot Rodger’s manifesto yesterday. It was, without a doubt, the least surprising document I’ve ever read. It wasn’t hard to follow; it wasn’t bizarre; it wasn’t a collection of the meanderings of a mind that had lost touch with reality. Instead, it was boring, trite, obvious, and exactly what I expected it to be: a rant by a spoiled brat with an overweening sense of entitlement. To women, to sex, to wealth, to attention and adoration. Frankly, I suspected at times that it was written by a Marxist feminist satirizing privileged male entitlement in general and MRAs in particular.

Elliot Rodger wasn’t Holden Caulfield, he was a bratty little asshole who assumed he was somehow superior to everyone else and thus deserved rewards simply for existing. The rage that he felt wasn’t caused by the cruelty of others, but by his own unreasonable expectations, expectations shared by the majority of men. He may have been less equipped to deal with frustration than the average person, but his reaction to that frustration shouldn’t surprise anyone who has been paying attention to the directions the culture has been taking over the course of the last decade or so.

About that manifesto. I’d call it a memoir of a cult member rather than a manifesto, since it doesn’t contain an idea of any kind. Rodger spends 141 pages narcissistically recounting every detail of his privileged childhood, describing in excruciatingly boring detail each family trip to some “exotic” locale or other, each luxurious Japanese dinner, each wasteful birthday celebration, each time he and his family attended a media industry event as someone else’s plus-one. Save a few bits of ham-fisted foreshadowing, the story up until Rodger hits puberty reads like the autobiography of every kid I went to elementary school with in Southern California: upper middle class parents who have no interest in raising a child but plenty of money and help doing so raise a kid with a profound sense of both entitlement and abandonment. His family clearly had just enough money and social status to gain entry to the outer circles of extreme privilege, and to afford Rodger a glimpse of what could be his if only he were fabulously, disgustingly wealthy instead of just comfortable in the extreme.

In fact, the story Rodger tells of his life after puberty reads like a tale of the rude awakening to the fact that his parents were not that rich after all. He makes repeated reference to puberty as the mainspring of his disillusionment with life and humanity, as the catalyst to his confrontation with the cruel realities of the world, but he is clearly projecting a concept he has adopted from the Men’s Rights Movement and from the Pick-Up Artist (PUA) scene onto his own adolescent understanding of the world, while his recounting of his own memories illustrates a gradual realization that he was not, after all, a member of the Hollywood gentry.

Is it just me, or are there more cult-ish movements around these days than there were a few years ago? Rodger makes mention of his attempt to follow the advice contained in Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret, a book that encourages readers to think they are multi-millionaires to whom life’s rewards flow unremittingly and without effort, which will result in them actually becoming one-per-centers. Though Rodger ultimately dismisses The Secret when putting its methods into practice doesn’t result in his winning the lottery and thus becoming a pussy magnet, the fact that he tried it in the first place, coupled with his wholesale adoption of MRA and PUA theories of how the world works, indicates that he shared something in common with tens of millions of people: the willingness to believe that disappointments and frustrations can be explained by nebulous, ill-fitting, simplistic principles propounded by self-help mountebanks in the pursuit of book and seminar ticket sales.

The culture told Rodger that sex, money, and attention were his birthright. When the system failed to deliver, Rodger flailed around, seeking an explanation. At first, it seemed that he turned his frustration inward and assumed that he was lonely because he was somehow defective. At that point in the narrative, I almost felt sorry for him. We’ve all been bullied, we’ve all questioned our worth as human beings based on the way that others treat us, and we’ve all wondered if life would be better for us if we were somehow constitutionally different than we are. It’s gross. Some of us respond to that kind of fundamental uncertainty about our value by entering into a pattern of self-abuse, some of us begin to question the system of social values that leads to such misery, and some of us fall prey to explanations that place the blame for our unhappiness on the people who reject us. Some of us do all three. But disorder arises when someone like Rodger fails to differentiate between fantasy and reality and never grows out of the expectation that life will turn out like a Bud Light commercial. Or a porn video.

So, what did the culture tell Rodger he could expect from the world? As a privileged child, he was given everything he expressed a desire for, it would appear. Rodger, cared for by a series of nannies, also grew accustomed to being doted on by young women in his childhood years. He grew up on the edges of Hollywood’s elite, a world in which power and wealth command attention and favors from what must look to a child to be an unending parade of young, beautiful women. Once Rodger learned about sex (from porn, naturally), he reached the seemingly obvious conclusion that he was owed sex due to his superior social position.

The culture tells all men that they are owed access to women’s bodies and energy. Sitcoms feature attractive women married to and putting up with mountains of bullshit from blundering schlubs. Movies hammer the idea into boys’ minds that young, hot women, though they may resist at first, will eventually fall into the laps of lazy, misogynistic, overgrown infants like those played by Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill in Judd Apatow movies (yeah, assholes, that’s right: your movies promote misogyny and male entitlement). Porn tells young boys with no other knowledge of sex that women are filthy pigs who just love being gangbanged and ejaculated on by abusive, sneering monsters.

I don’t know why girls rejected Elliot Rodger when he entered adolescence, or whether they even did. There seemed to have been a window in junior high — before he started consuming porn — when that was not the case. He might have been a little awkward, he may have lacked social skills, but it appears that his obsessive sense of entitlement to what he believed other boys enjoyed (whether that was the case or not) took over, coloring all of his interactions and probably preempting any chance he had at relating to girls. He was consumed by the foolish belief that porn and bullshit adolescent male bragging were reality for everyone but him. Once that set in, his anger and desperation probably became palpable in social situations to the point that women — who learn from a young age how to spot signs of danger in male behavior — steered clear.

Without any real contact with women, for Rodger, they became cartoon characters, aliens, beasts, non-human. They were an enemy to be vanquished, a prize to be collected for the achievement of having been born male, the source of all of his frustrated expectations. He absorbed those messages wholesale from mass media culture. Rodger’s memoir reads like a catalog of his consumption of popular media, from Pokemon through World of Warcraft through Halo 2, from Star Wars to the Lord of the Rings trilogy to Game of Thrones, to internet pornography, to MRA discussion forums populated by legions of men railing against women for not fulfilling the fantasies instilled in them by that same media culture.

Several feminist bloggers have made the argument that writing Rodger off as mentally ill takes the focus off of systemic misogyny and allows a worldwide epidemic of woman-hating and gynophobic violence to go unexamined. They aren’t wrong. But Rodger was mentally ill. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness:

A mental illness is a medical condition that disrupts a person’s thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others and daily functioning.

By that definition, Rodger was certainly mentally ill, and so are most men. What set Rodger apart was his willingness to participate directly in violence against women as women in order to punish them for refusing to provide him with the sex he felt entitled to, rather than simply doing so by proxy via the consumption of violent and degrading porn and other products of a capitalo-misogynistic society. The existence of masculinity requires that men be unable to relate to women, as masculinity and femininity are the institutions upon which male supremacy rests. A man who is capable of relating to women — who does not suffer from the mental illness known as masculinity — is incapable of abusing them, either in person or by proxy.

60 Responses to “Elliot Rodger and the Pandemic of Masculinity”

  1. Elaine Wood June 3, 2014 at 2:06 PM #

    I can’t add anything to this that could enhance what a precise catalogue of ills you’ve listed in our present society’s culture–as your posts always do. So I’ll just say thanks again for enumerating, and illuminating, them so profoundly.

  2. Hecate June 3, 2014 at 2:09 PM #

    Very eloquent commentary, ND. Indeed, there’s very little that’s surprising with the Elliott Rodger saga. I also read the manifesto. Though the story was familiar, it was nonetheless disturbing. I was amazed at the extent to which his mother doted on him. And mothers should, but catering to anyone’s every little whim like that is clearly going to create a monster. With or without such a generous motherly figure, men do grow up with an insane sense of entitlement. Again, nothing new there.
    Regarding his having read ‘The Secret,’ I think that was more fuel to the fire of his incredible narcissism. A major trait of the narcissistic personality is that ‘magical thinking.’ So of course he genuinely believed he’d win the lottery and hence lots of female company. Blondes of course.
    You make a good point in the end. Just because all ‘macho’ men don’t act out in the way Elliott did, doesn’t mean they are any less messed up in the head. Plenty of men keep female partners silent just by the threat of their unstable/ irrational mental state and a less-than-subtle undercurrent of violence emanating from them.

  3. Redpeachmoon June 3, 2014 at 2:32 PM #

    Thank you Nine Deuce, more brilliant and insightful commentary.
    I was actually on page 40 of said Manifesto when I was relieved by notification of your new post. Rescued!
    I so appreciate your voice, it’s a great comfort to me in this misogynist wilderness we live in.
    Sincere thanks to you.

  4. Carey Mastre June 3, 2014 at 3:58 PM #

    awesome article – thank you

  5. Mel June 3, 2014 at 8:52 PM #

    Nine Deuce:
    First time commenting, but been a fan of your blog for awhile! Anyway, I’m not sure why I feel the need since this argument is so futile, but here goes: there is a difference between mental disorders and personality disorders. The former tend to be more vulnerable members of society. It’s obvious that Rodger was a narcissist, and it wouldn’t surprise me if he had antisocial personality disorder.
    I am really not trying to detract from your points re: misogyny and male entitlement, because a lot of men behave like sociopaths (and let’s be real, the cops who found Rodger “charming” must have been somewhere in that domain, as well). But people need to be wary of how this logic leads to stigma against people who are sick/struggling (and are more likely to hurt themselves than others) and bullshit like the insanity plea. That description from NAMI does not even begin to cover any of this; “mental illness” isn’t some one-type pattern of behavior/features. You cheapen your own argument AND the experiences of those of us who actually deal with this firsthand.
    Part of me feels like I’m being a little too direct for someone who has never commented before, but I have faith that you’ll understand because you offer such smart, insightful, funny commentary. Implying that mental illness = lack of emotional depth and an inability to empathize is lazy. It’s NOT what you’d expect from anyone with a basic structural or class analysis, more like the reason I’ve avoided media coverage of this entire incident. Men have no fucking excuse for the shit they pull – let alone “insanity”.

    • Sugarpuss June 4, 2014 at 1:58 PM #

      Men have no fucking excuse for the shit they pull – let alone “insanity”.

      I was diagnosed with a bunch of crap (bipolar, manic depressive, social anxiety disorder, etc.), plus my mother was abusive to me and I was bullied a lot (by both boys & girls) in my childhood, but the only person I’ve ever seriously considered killing is myself. It never crossed my mind to go buy a gun and start shooting at my classmates or just random people on the street. But then, I don’t suffer from the disease of entitled maleness.

      • goldern boy syndrome June 10, 2014 at 8:51 PM #

        Sugarpuss, my momma was abusive too (something few people understand) so my condolences to you. It’s some seriously painful shit, and people aren’t often sympathetic.
        This little picks behavior is unfathomable. Waaaaaaaaaaaa! Beautiful blonde girls won’t have sex with me!!!! WAAAAA! I’m owed sex b/c the internet said so!
        It’s a problem for kids who grow up thinking the interwebz holds all the answers. I just wonder what can be done?
        I used to think “men” had a basic sense of humanity, but since reading internet comments it seems that men default to the “I think of women as fuckholes” model of existence. And I weep for the future of humanity.
        In fact I just read a well-thought out piece by a decent guy who was making some really stellar points about teaching his son to see women as humans and (of course) the comments section is filled to the brim with jerks complaining that someone dare ask them to think
        of women as humans and not just sex objects.
        Like it’s some horrible injustice that men be asked to see the other 50% of the population as human, but whatever.
        At any rate, I’m glad to see ND is back – she is one of the few voices that I feel really represents how many women like me feel about this crap. GO ND!!!!!! you tell em girl!

        • Sugarpuss June 12, 2014 at 4:39 PM #

          This little picks behavior is unfathomable. Waaaaaaaaaaaa! Beautiful blonde girls won’t have sex with me!!!! WAAAAA! I’m owed sex b/c the internet said so!

          Yeah, talk about First World Problems. And let’s not forget that this little turd had access to thousands of prostituted women (and I’m not advocating that shit, I’m just pointing it out), so his “boo hoo I can’t get laid!” shtick was a load of disingenuous crap. Any dude with at least $50 (often times, much less) in his wallet can procure the rape sex that he feels entitled to.
          Of course, it’s entirely possible that this brat was of the tightwad variety. Those dudes believe that they should get everything handed to them for free; no mutual attraction, no exchange of goods for services rendered, nothing, nadda. Simply the one-sided expectation that women, all women, should roll over and spread our legs for every low-life slimeball that propositions us. Got standards? You’re a BITCH!11!!!

          • Hecate June 13, 2014 at 8:31 AM #

            Well reading his manifesto, it appears there were a lot of activities this little wanker considered ‘low class,’ so it’s likely that hiring someone for sex fell into that category for him too. It almost makes you appreciate the working class dudes who blow off steam at strip joints. Almost.
            And a little off topic, but I love that he was always bashing Asians, yet was half Asian himself. Racist, sexist classist. In short, a real winner!

          • Hecate June 13, 2014 at 8:32 AM #

            Well reading his manifesto, it appears there were a lot of activities this little wanker considered ‘low class,’ so it’s likely that hiring someone for sex fell into that category for him too. It almost makes you appreciate the working class dudes who blow off steam going to strip joints. Almost.
            And a little off topic, but I love that he was always bashing Asians, yet was half Asian himself. Racist, sexist classist. In short, a real winner!

          • Golden boy syndrome July 22, 2014 at 11:48 AM #

            “Of course, it’s entirely possible that this brat was of the tightwad variety. Those dudes believe that they should get everything handed to them for free; no mutual attraction, no exchange of goods for services rendered, nothing, nadda. Simply the one-sided expectation that women, all women, should roll over and spread our legs for every low-life slimeball that propositions us. Got standards? You’re a BITCH!11!!!”

            Yeah, I see that attitude becoming more and more common among males. There are posts on my local Craigslist EVERY WEEK in the “rants and raves” section by men complaining about the “stuck up” women here in town (who are mostly fit, tan, young, beach blonde Cali girls, much like the women in Santa Barbara that ER felt entitled to) and how they don’t want to fuck them.

            It’s always amazing to me, because it’s easy for me to see that these girls are autonomous and likely prefer to date people in their social circles, not random dudes who yell at them out car windows. But whatever, these men HATE these women for having a choice of who to sleep with, and despite the fact that they know nothing about them and have NOTHING in common with them, are ENRAGED when they hit on one of these college girls and they get blown off. She’s a “bitch” who must be fucking every other guy in town.

            I do think that the prevalence and extreme nature of internet porn is driving some of this sex entitlement attitude these days. In fact, just yesterday the house full of frat boys that lives across from me were whooping and yelling at the TV. At first I thought they were watching soccer (their windows were open and they have a giant TV), but when I actually walked by I could see that they were watching gang bang porn and cheering like it was a football game. It seriously made me uncomfortable – too much like pack behavior for nine drunk men to be cheering at porn like that. *shudder*

            I don’t mean to go on a tangent, but I think internet porn saturation is partially responsible for this type of ER “entitlement rage” and violence. I’m dating myself here, but in my day a person actually had to go to a porn store or order a men’s magazine subscription to get anything other than very tame nudity.

            It WAS better that way. It kept extreme porn “in its place” and it really did keep minors from getting constant access to it (even if they did still get it from friends, it was still likely to be tame). These days, little boys as young as 10 are being exposed to “gonzo porn” and it IS HAVING AN EFFECT on how they view women.

            Let’s face it – the entire attitude surrounding porn is that a woman’s body is just something to be used and abused, and that women enjoy being abused and degraded. An internet porno company even stated outright that they have run out of creative ways to abuse women’s bodies because the demand (to see simulated rape) is so high.

            I tried being progressive for a while and looked at one popular internet porn site, but the DESCRIPTIONS of the videos make me so ill that I still get sick thinking about it. And that’s the crux for me. There is just nothing playful or sexy about most modern porn. There was nothing that was even remotely positive about female sexuality at all. The descriptions don’t talk about women at all (just teens, sluts, and whores) – they are, well, as anyone who has read porn keywords, dehumanizing at best, and outright rape/violence encouraging at worst.

            I don’t know what the solution is, but men need to be presented with a counter view at a young age. Something that teaches that women are autonomous individuals and that women do not solely exist as lust objects for men. Someone needs to make a non-religious, non-moralizing video that can be shown to young boys in sex ed classed like “Porn: Myth and Reality” that says “This is a packaged product designed to make you crave images of degradation, real sex is much less one sided – proceed to discuss actual female sexuality.”

            OK, so now I have officially rambled, but this topic gets me so fired up.

          • Gowan October 10, 2014 at 9:39 AM #

            Actually, I think I read somewhere that he didn’t even proposition women. He expected women to offer sex to him. Without anything in exchange, of course.

  6. permlatord Melanie Hamilton June 4, 2014 at 3:34 AM #

    Great response to the entire mess! You’ve spoken so well for me and, really, all women who have to navigate through male duplicity and bullshit. I’m so sick of it all.
    The porn industry is pretty slick (no pun intended) when you think about it. They superimpose sick fantasies on the stupid men who make frequent use of their garbage. What men don’t seem to get is that they’re as manipulated and devalued as the women who “perform” in these twisted exhibitions. Relying on porn for some sort of sexual training or education is self defeating for men and it teaches them what I call “Hit and Miss Sex”. They go through a set of perfunctory moves that certainly aren’t meant to satisfy women and certainly don’t. They lose the ability to enjoy real physical intimacy. The result is like any other dependency. It takes more and more porn with increasingly nasty images for them to feel even a modicum of satisfaction. They’re not chasing the same dragon as heroin addicts, but the problem is the same: They’ll never experience the same level of arousal, etc., that their first viewing provided.
    I’ve always wondered if porn viewers think they’re failing with real live partners who fail to moan and go “Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh” with every thrust, delivered in high pitched squeals. All I can say is that if I wasted my time and energy making all that noise, I’d never get anywhere at all. It’s a game neither gender can win and it’s meant to be that way.
    As far as that useless little turd Elliott Rodger is concerned, I have to shake my head at the lack of real parenting this little jackass received. His parents seem to have replaced real concern and guidance with stuff and social situations which he was too young to handle and/or understand. They seem to have cared only about appearances and about being seen at all the right places, as far as was possible. He was born into a world that manufactures fantasy and false expectations which were reinforced at every turn. One of my first reactions to the news of his meltdown and killing frenzy was “What possessed his parents (father) to give that little shit bag a BMW for transportation?” Until these little snots can pay for such things themselves, it’s a HUGE mistake to furnish them. Expensive stuff is no substitute for real concern, interest and love from parents.
    When all is said and done, for all his bravado little Elliott was just another coward who didn’t have the personal integrity to face the hate motivated decisions he’d made. Typical.
    And people ask me why I’m more than reluctant to date.

    • golden boy syndrome June 10, 2014 at 9:24 PM #

      great commentary, thanks.

  7. permlatord June 4, 2014 at 4:42 AM #

    You have beautifully summed up what I think of this latest shooting debacle and the ramblings of the little snot bag who perpetrated it. You present your case so well. This event has only reinforced my total disillusionment with male duplicity and bullshit.
    To all the self entitled males out there who decry so-called feminazis and are purveyors of untrammeled misogyny, I say go diddle yourselves. I’d use the phrase “fuck yourselves” if I thought you were worthy of such a grown up insult. Since your emotional development ceased at approximately age 12, you only deserve playground level invectives.
    This whole mess is enmeshed with the slimy world of porn. Those who are involved in that particular business are pretty slick (no pun intended) if you think about it. They don’t care about anyone. Not the performers and not the misguided members of their viewing public. What men don’t seem to grasp is that the porn industry manipulates and devalues the men who view their garbage every bit as much as they do the performers. They superimpose twisted fantasies on their customers with the aim of making them dependent on porn to get any modicum of sexual release and/or satisfaction. They develop profound dependency on the nasty, degrading images they are fed, similar to drug addiction. They’re chasing the dragon just as any heroin addict does. They’re looking for the same overwhelming sensation, reaction that followed their first experience with porn, just as the heroin user is looking for the high they experienced with their initial use of the drug. They never achieve that same level of sensation and they never, never will. Just as with drugs, it takes more and more porn depicting increasing levels of debasement, disrespect and violence as the dependency continues. They learn only self defeating sexual techniques and become increasingly less interested in real physical intimacy with women, or anyone for that matter. They practice what I call “Hit and Miss Sex”. They go throw a slew of perfunctory moves with little enjoyment for themselves and certainly none for their hapless partners. Porn is generated with the sole intent to demean those on the receiving end of male sexual aggression, however comparatively tame it may seem. The poor stupid fools don’t understand that they’re pawns of the porn purveyors.
    I’ve often wondered if porn viewers even notice that real women involved in sexual activity don’t go “Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh” with every thrust, usually delivered in a high pitched sort of squeal. All I can say is that if I wasted that much energy and attention on making all that absurd noise, I’d never get anywhere. Not that they’d give a tiny rat’s ass.
    With regard to that little shit bag Elliott Rodger, I don’t think he’d ever been introduced to real life on any level. His parent seem disturbingly detached and apparently not interested in actually parenting this misbegotten little creature. He apparently was frequently involved social situations which were not appropriate for his age and/or social skills It seems that in lieu of love, guidance and real interest in him. he was given stuff. Never a good trade. He was raised in a place which manufactures fantasy and unrealistic expectations in every aspect of life. Even the mantle of apparent wealth wasn’t real. My immediate reaction to the breaking news about his killing frenzy was “What was that little shit doing with a BMW as transportation?” Just another sop from (probably) Daddy. Imagine how dismayed he would’ve been to find out just how much an automotive upgrade worthy of his superior being would’ve cost had he ever made it to the real adult world. Little asshole.
    I can’t begin to imagine what the families and friends of the murdered young women and men must be going through.
    When all is said and done, Elliott was one more shitty little coward who didn’t have the personal integrity to face and own what his hate-filled agenda had wrought. Typical.
    And people ask me why I’m reluctant to date.

    • permlatord June 4, 2014 at 5:39 AM #

      Sorry for the typos I discovered in my comment. There’s one close to the end of the third paragraph where I’ve used “throw” instead of “through”. In paragraph five I’ve left the letter “s” off the word “parent” and I’ve added a “t” to the end of the little miscreant’s name. Sorry. I can only plead extreme fatigue exacerbated by agitation. Hate sleepless nights!

  8. Sugarpuss June 4, 2014 at 2:21 PM #

    92, did you watch his pathetic video? I LOL’ed extra hard at his delusional assertion that shooting a bunch of people will make him an “alpha”. Anybody can pull the trigger on a gun… even a 7 year old child… and this LOSER thought he was so bad to the bone for doing it. What a stud! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!1111!!!!
    Oh shit. I was laughing so hard I almost spilled my coffee.

  9. internetdood June 5, 2014 at 8:56 PM #

    You’re back! Yay! Sorry, I discovered this blog a few months ago and I was worried when I saw the last post date that you were gone forever. That would have been terrible, because it’s a great blog. And you’re great!
    Uh, I should probably say something relevant to the actual topic. Porn is terrible. Why can’t kids these days just use their imaginations?

    • Serafina June 10, 2014 at 8:59 PM #

      Damn skippy, internet dood. As if is it’s some horrible affliction to have to use the imagination, rather than having actual women act like dogs so some internet perv can get his rocks off.
      And I agree, yay for the return of ND – most badass feminist commentator on the net IMO!

  10. yoursillysister June 6, 2014 at 7:58 PM #

    Excellent analysis. I also read that document, and your description of it as more of a memoir of a cult member than a manifesto is spot on. Your whole piece is spot on.

  11. Gaz June 17, 2014 at 3:45 PM #

    I can really understand how you have hatred against us men; being laid back, I have always been told I should get into fights, get laid with lots of women, get drunk, do anything I want just cause I can, etc.etc. because it would make a ‘man’ out of me.

  12. Sugarpuss June 17, 2014 at 6:47 PM #

    For all of the sleazy PUAs out there, who whine about not getting any sex and being judged by their appearance, I’ve got two words for them: Susan Boyle.

  13. Sugarpuss June 23, 2014 at 4:42 PM #

    Nice White Guys™ continue to whine and abuse the #yesallwomen hashtag on Twitter with crap like this: https://twitter.com/CloydRivers/status/481096270262460416/photo/1
    Just the sheer hypocrisy is unbelievable. Men base, literally, 101% of their judgment of female attractiveness on women’s LOOKS. Not their talents, not their sacrifices, not their intellect, just their raw flesh…and nothing more. And now, these assclows want to get their undies bunched when women do the same? Awww… boo-fucking-hooo, you damn mascunazis. I’m getting tired of these manipulative pieces of shit. Jealousy sure is ugly.

    • internetdood June 24, 2014 at 7:08 PM #

      His comparison doesn’t even make any sense. It’s not like all the women of the world were surveyed and they voted to talk about the felon rather than the veteran. It’s just a silly Internet meme that’s gone viral and making the rounds, and so people are going to pay attention to it. There’s no value judgment involved.

  14. Sugarpuss June 23, 2014 at 5:02 PM #

    Random tweet from a whiny dude: https://twitter.com/TattedBamaGent/status/479748127432667136
    Another tweet from same dude: https://twitter.com/TattedBamaGent/status/479524203259891712/photo/1
    Yeah, that’s a pretty glaring inconsistency.

    • Nova June 23, 2014 at 10:05 PM #

      Hi Sugarpuss, how are you doing today? :)

  15. M.K. Hajdin June 25, 2014 at 2:37 AM #

    “A mental illness is a medical condition that disrupts a person’s thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others and daily functioning.”
    Key words being “a medical condition”. Personality disorders such as narcissism are not considered mental illnesses.
    Sorry, but I belong to that group of feminists who believe that dismissing Rodger as mentally ill not only takes the focus off of misogyny, it contributes to the stigmatization of genuinely mentally ill people, the majority of whom are not violent.

    • CPB June 26, 2014 at 12:45 AM #

      Was Elliot Rodgers merely narcissistic or officially disordered? His actions certainly belie mental illness, but ethics dictate that no diagnosis can be rendered by someone who was not treating Rodgers at the time. Speculation is certainly allowed though, and I vote a big fat honking “Yes”.
      Hate to break it to you, but personality disorders *are* in the DSM V – the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. Hence, personality disorders do count as mental illness; whether or not you believe they should is another story. The condition is considered highly functional and often undiagnosed due to the individual’s reluctance to seek treatment, but it still technically ‘counts’. I’m pretty stunned by the amount of people who refuse to acknowledge this fact since the proof is in black and white and a pdf copy of the manual is available online. I also agree that Rodger’s act of violence was fueled by misogyny and should be recognized as such, but misogyny oftentimes goes hand in hand with narcissistic personality disorder and frequently results in violence. I see nothing wrong with acknowledging that he was both mentally ill *and* a flaming sexist…happens all the time.

  16. Sugarpuss June 29, 2014 at 4:56 PM #

    Hey you guys, I’m back on Twitter, but getting heat because I have no followers and tweet controversial things, therefore making me look like a spammer. Come play with me! Come follow me! (please?) LOL!

    • Sugarpuss June 29, 2014 at 4:57 PM #

      PS https://twitter.com/SugarpussFTW
      Ooops. forgot the important part. :D

    • Hecate July 1, 2014 at 2:50 PM #

      Sugarpuss, you can attach a bot as I did on Twitter to get more followers. It’s here: http://awd.site.nfoservers.com/replicants/ You just type in what your interests are, like art, feminism or cats :D Then it will even automatically tweet for you. Some people will not appreciate it. But I’ve had fun with it.

    • Hecate July 1, 2014 at 2:51 PM #

      Sugarpuss, you can install a bot as I did on Twitter to get more followers. It’s here: http://awd.site.nfoservers.com/replicants/ You just type in what your interests are, like art or feminism or cats. Lol. Then it will even make posts for you. Some people will not appreciate it. But I’ve had fun with it.

      • Sugarpuss July 2, 2014 at 1:23 AM #

        Why aren’t you following me?
        I’ve seen several people here claim to enjoy my comments, and say stuff like “If you got a blog, I’d totally read it”. So, Twitter isn’t good enough? So, I’m chopped liver now? I got one fucking follower…and it’s some trollish dude.
        Way to go, gals.

  17. FeralForever July 19, 2014 at 5:03 PM #

    Just found this great blog. What wild and wonderful posts. As far as Elliot Rodger goes, I met too many of his ilk in my school years. I was simply lucky they didn’t own guns.

  18. doctor nick July 19, 2014 at 6:09 PM #

    I haven’t read a better explanation of this whole business then this. Kudos!

  19. Larry August 1, 2014 at 9:09 AM #

    Dear Radical Feminists, I am a happily married white male with two children. In the last month, I have become interested in gender issues. I have always believed that people have equal rights and try to respect all, regardless of gender, race etc. I do however accept that I may have unconcious prejudices. I have been investigating a variety of views including MRA, feminist and radical feminist to try to understand these issues. What would your advice to me be?
    Thank you.

    • Sugarpuss August 1, 2014 at 9:34 PM #

      In the last month, I have become interested in gender issues.

      Lucky us.

      What would your advice to me be?

      Make friends with Google.

      • Larry August 4, 2014 at 8:26 AM #

        Thanks but I was hoping for something more specific in terms of, for example, reading or outlook than google.

        • Sugarpuss August 7, 2014 at 1:32 AM #

          Right, and Google will help you find reading material. It isn’t our job or duty to educate a grown-assed man on the finer points of Radical Feminism 101. No hand holding or sandwich making over here.

          • Larry August 8, 2014 at 11:39 AM #

            Thanks. I would have thought that if an oppressed group is asked by an oppressor how s/he can understand the perpsective of the oppressed better and modify his outlook/behaviour to reflect that constructive dialogue would be forthcoming. I was wrong!

            • doctor nick August 8, 2014 at 7:20 PM #

              Honestly, a radical feminist blog isn’t the best place to ask for basics. It’s kind of like asking how to learn to drive on a racing forum. Plus, this question comes up so often that people are tired of answering it and just tell you to google it.

              https://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/ is a pretty good resource for the basics, though.

              • Sugarpuss August 8, 2014 at 9:14 PM #

                Ah, doc nick gets it. Well said. :)

            • Sugarpuss August 8, 2014 at 9:12 PM #

              You’re welcome. I would have thought that somebody who is aware of their oppressor status wouldn’t have the audacity to march into the blog of the oppressed, demand a hand-holding session. and then get angry when said oppressed people don’t drop what they are doing and cater to his lazy, fat attention-seeking ass. I was SO wrong.

            • Gowan October 10, 2014 at 10:00 AM #

              You may be interested in this service, Larry:


  20. aegispenguin November 28, 2014 at 1:06 AM #

    Pandemic of male sexual entitlement, disgusting indeed. The sooner men began to unlearn this sick thinking, the better this world will become for everyone.

  21. Lisa December 5, 2014 at 11:55 PM #

    How do you like these brown apples?


    • Nine Deuce December 6, 2014 at 10:15 AM #

      “[P]eaceful, erotic solutions to conflicts” is the grossest thing anyone has ever written.

      • internetdood December 7, 2014 at 8:07 PM #

        How does one erotically solve a conflict? This concept sounds troubling.

  22. Golden boy syndrome January 7, 2015 at 11:06 PM #

    I’ve been thinking. I read a post today about “How to raise respectful boys” and it had a section about “not blaming boys for their sexual curiosity” when they are caught looking at internet porn. I’m not usually for shaming or punishing people, but in the case of internet porn, it’s a valid option because of the sheer violence and degradation of women in it.

    I think a lot of parents of boys like to bury their heads in the sand about the types of depictions of women their teen boys are really exposed to “what’s wrong with a red-blooded boy wanting to look at some boobs? they say. There is a really prevalent attitude of “boys will be boys” even when it’s a 15 year old watching some poor Mexican woman have sex with a donkey on a pornsite and laughing about it with his friends (an actual example from a mom forum I used to read). She was “uncomfortable” with the material but “boys will be boys” she said – right?

    It’s kinda weird but my personal opinion is that when the boy is caught by his parents jacking off to woman hating porn like they all apparently do, the parents should flip the script. Whatever is being done to the woman in the video should be done to the boy and You Tubbed for all his friends to see and laugh at.

    Porn won’t be such a treat for Billy when he is the one choking on on a shit covered dildo that’s been shoved up his ass for the entertainment of other people’s “sexual needs”. I think this would be a hilarious way to teach boys not to be such porn consumers. If it’s good enough for the woman isn’t it good enough for the boy? I’m being serious. Parents tolerate their boys consuming violent misogynist porn because they are too lazy and they frankly don’t care that they are raising shitty little date rapists and porn freaks. Billy won’t be so popular at school the next day but maybe it will teach him not to be such a entitled little prick and that’s what good for women is GOOD FOR HIM.

    What you don’t like being sexually abused for the amusement of others? How strange since it’s what men and boys expect from women. When they do it to women it’s called ‘porn’. When you do those same things to men it’s quite obviously sexual abuse but I bet many men wouldn’t even get the point they are so brainless, porn sick and rapey towards females. TRUTH

    • Tara January 8, 2015 at 7:44 AM #

      As Andrea Dworkin explained in Pornography: Men possessing Women (it could have been Intercourse as well) there is a strong discouragement of homosexuality or displaying men as sex symbols because it would undermine male power. They would go rape each other instead of women. It’s a boost to male power to have women being shown raped, humiliated and beaten. The power of men comes from harming women, their aggression is diverted onto women as the scapegoat.
      A thing I’ve noticed on twitter and instagram, you know those little clips they have when stupid things happen to someone, or more often than not, someone’s being hurt or hurts themselves, those are predominantly little girls or teenage girls being shown. It’s supposed to be in “good fun” when something bad happens to a girl, but I’ve very rarely see a little boy displayed in such a way. You know why? It would hurt male power, it would be people laughing at men and our society doesn’t want that. Instead you have men and boys getting a kick out of girl’s pain. I’ve noticed that for a very long time. Boys are sadists and since they can’t hurt other boys without repercussions they let it out on girls. And our society is quick to channel all their violence onto women, because they can’t defend themselves. Women-hate is so prevalent in every instance of our culture.

      • Sugarpuss January 9, 2015 at 2:20 PM #

        As Andrea Dworkin explained in Pornography: Men possessing Women (it could have been Intercourse as well) there is a strong discouragement of homosexuality or displaying men as sex symbols because it would undermine male power. They would go rape each other instead of women.

        And there are actually some male-bodied people out there that are crazy enough to believe that female objectification is a form of “privilege”. These delusional cross-dressers know who they are.

  23. Mary Contrary January 24, 2015 at 9:26 AM #

    The first thing that sickens me the most about these mass shootings is the loss of life and the misogynistic male entitlement behind acts of violent cruelty.

    The second thing that sickens me about these privileged mass shooters like Elliot Rodger and George Sodini is that due to their male privilege; society already grants them the piece of ass they’re always complaining they never have. They were just too sexist, classist, and lazy to go beyond their own neighborhood block radius to find someone that could and would look past their physical and mental faults.

    It doesn’t really matter if they weren’t good looking or even sane. Nine Deuce is right – the masculinist ideology is a form of insanity/cult mentality, it’s just a more socially accepted form because women are denied personhood. They wanted a trophy wife/girlfriend who would reflect a social standing they felt entitled to. They wanted a woman who would be an extension of themselves and their own idealized worldview – someone who would double as a house servant and sex kitten; all the while making the other dudes jealous. This is less to do about sex and more to do with status, and the perception of other men having the status symbols they don’t have.

    Male supremacists are idiots if they think mass shootings are about sexual access. Sexual access has nothing to do with crimes like this. As has been pointed out, American society already facilitates roles for women such as prostitution to make sure men have access even if all they have to offer is a couple twenties.

    Crimes like this are perpetrated by misogyny and sexism, and it has little to do with whether or not women put out, because society already demands women put out. Crimes like this are meant to reinforce that cultural value (ha, “value”) which is why MRAs and antifeminists grab onto stories like this and point and yell about them. They want women to put out, because society has already taught them that’s what women are supposed to do. They think they are expecting something novel, but they aren’t. They’re just looking for a reason to guilt trip women into granting them unfettered access to, well, absolutely everything they have. Putting out isn’t just about sex – it’s also about investments of emotional and political loyalty, financial resources, time, energy, and the expectation of putting a man’s needs before her own.

    The fact is, there’s a lot of men who are homely, broke, and aren’t able to find the idealized fantasy woman he’s been taught to believe he’s entitled to. Most of these men eventually accept reality and go cruising trailer parks, mail order brides, craigslist, and other less highbrow venues to find someone and they usually do (typically to the detriment of the women who are less advantaged due to nationality, income level, race, ect). It just so happens that men like Elliott Rodgers and George Sodini thought they were above it all and refused to be like “those men” who would bring home someone dumpy and nice instead of bringing home a svelt, honey-colored trophy wife to make their dads or brothers jealous.

  24. Mary Contrary January 25, 2015 at 7:19 AM #

    Another hate crime against women happened last summer.


    Ben Moynihan stabbed thee women in an attempt to perform a mass killing. He said:

    “So I hope you learn a lesson not to bully guys like us, we deserve dignity, for your own generations, remember.”

    So saying “no” to a man is now a form of bullying (really???), and male privilege is to always supersede the dignity of women; along with disregarding the right to say no.

    Wow, I am literally speechless. The level of rank manipulation in this dude is sickening.

    • Sugarpuss January 25, 2015 at 5:14 PM #

      Mary, you rock my socks. Just visited your blog, and I like how you express yourself in a fashion similar to my own. :)

      • Mary Contrary January 27, 2015 at 7:35 AM #

        Thanks Sugar :) Feel free to stop by anytime you like.

  25. Sugarpuss January 26, 2015 at 4:40 PM #

    And these socially awkward dudes wonder why they are alone…

    • Mary Contrary January 27, 2015 at 7:45 AM #

      Oh god, no kidding. It’s the oldest, most classic double standard alive, isn’t it? Women are blasted for “marrying up” but dudes can demand to score an attractive girlfriend no matter how ugly they are.

      I say this is an occasion for an MRA marmoset:

      Obviously, hypergamy wouldn’t exist if women had more rights than just the right to look pretty and be an extension of some dude’s obsession with status. Plus, they ignore all the guys who “marry up.” I know a guy who married a woman for her inheritance. You won’t be seeing anyone complain about how unfair that is on an MRA board.

      • Sugarpuss January 27, 2015 at 6:47 PM #

        LOL That meme is hilarious.

        The ultimate irony is that these dudes think of themselves as “nice” and a much “better choice” than, say, a guy who doesn’t live in his mother’s basement. It seems that the most extreme cases of misogyny (on the internet at least) are coming from this specific group of dudes. Oddly enough, the more pathetic, smelly, lazy, selfish and overall physically repugnant a man is, the greater his sense of entitlement. But this is the demographic that has been served the most in our society (especially in regard to mainstream media), so it’s not really surprising. They are spoiled brats who play the victim card at every turn, despite the fact that they are catered to in ways that a woman could only dream of.

        As you mentioned in one of the posts on your blog, any man can get sex from a prostituted woman, often for less than the cost of a couple of value meals at McDonald’s (thanks to patriarchy). And we’re supposed to feel sorry for these creeps why?

        Geee, I wonder where the local Beefcake Ranch is, chock full of hot dudes who service women 24/7? Oh right…. there isn’t one.

        These privileged slimeballs can cry me a river and drown in it.


  1. The myth of the “manipulated man” | Your god is a fraud - July 8, 2014

    […] pro-feminist and other resources on masculinity: Elliot Rodger and the pandemic of masculinity Refusing to Be A Man, John Stoltenberg Men being men is a bad deal: Guys should evolve beyond […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 510 other followers