Stop looking at me like that.

24 Dec

I know, I’m a terrible blogger. I’ve got five papers due, two cats that refuse to do anything but pee on things and hiss at each other, and in-laws to visit. I know that’s no excuse, but I promise, I mean to tell you how much I hate men real soon.

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21 Responses to “Stop looking at me like that.”

  1. Rj December 24, 2009 at 1:58 PM #

    LMAO.

  2. Evn December 24, 2009 at 2:01 PM #

    Explain to the cats that by fighting with each other instead of against their oppressors, they’ve allowed themselves to be manipulated by the Patriarchy. Then trick your in-laws into writing your papers by instigating a discussion on one of the topics and following up with, “Wow, you really have an insightful perspective on this subject! I’d love for you write down all of the thought-provoking things you just said. Y’know for posterity.” Problems solved.

  3. polly December 24, 2009 at 9:18 PM #

    You shouldn’t hate men it’s oppressive. Or something like that.

  4. Melanie December 25, 2009 at 6:30 PM #

    Sounds like your cats should get together with my cats and have a big, horrible party.

  5. Aunti Disestablishmentarian December 26, 2009 at 2:30 PM #

    Feliway is a pheromone which calms cats, helps prevent marking. Be sure to follow directions, and only let cats into the sprayed area after like 20 minutes, so the spray has had time to settle out of the air, and the alcohol has had time to evaporate. Expensive, but good product. They also sell a diffuser version. Vet had a trick: Spray some on a paper towel. Rub one cat with it, then the other, then the first again, so the scents mix. Helps with the aggression.

  6. Brian December 26, 2009 at 4:14 PM #

    Well, I just showed up by blogroll following, so there’ve been lots of archives to read, and thus I can’t fault you for not posting recently. There are lots of interesting articles, even if I don’t agree with all of it, I suppose I want to say “Thanks for taking the time to write.” or some such.

    For what it’s worth (which is probably very little), I’d certainly be interested in reading more about what you think’re the right ways to do things (not that you should cater to me or anything, merely that if you were interested in writing about such things, you’d have an audience (well, of at least one.))

  7. Miss Andrist December 27, 2009 at 5:45 AM #

    You know, the longer you make me wait for new posts, the more of your old posts I’m going to end up commenting.

    Oh wait. I would have done that anyway. Observe: I thought it was common knowledge that Republicans are pro-rape. Evidenced by the fact that males make up the majority of Republican support, and most males are pro-rape.

    Catnip, ftw.

  8. polly December 27, 2009 at 11:33 AM #

    Are they male ND? Get them castrated….

    • Nine Deuce December 27, 2009 at 11:14 PM #

      One is. The funny part is that he wants to be friends with the female cat, who’d rather see him die. Are cats smarter than people?

  9. polly December 28, 2009 at 10:14 AM #

    Quite possibly cats are smarter than humans, but the female of the species is definitely more deadly (and frequently more territorial) than the male. I used to have a male cat and female cat and despite the male’s superior size and strength, the female always slap him around every morning, just to remind him who was boss.

  10. Miss Andrist December 28, 2009 at 11:21 AM #

    Honestly? I can’t think of a single species of mammal, excepting of course our own, where the male demonstrates or instigates aggressive behavior directly toward the female. I had a similar conversation a while back – someone tried to use the whole male physical advantage in defense of the patriarchy as having any basis in nature.

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen a tomcat (neutered or otherwise) push an aggressive agenda with a queen. With other toms, they’re vicious. But a queen? Spayed or not. And if you think about it, what does a male mammal have to gain from fighting with a female of his own species? A situation that ends with her injury or death defeats his biological purposes; provoking her to lethal violence necessitates his own defense of life, which will probably get one of the two of them injured or killed. Hence, he has nothing to gain from getting into it with a female, and everything to lose. Of course, it’s easy for a human to connect these as logical conclusions – but are they correct, or am I just projecting?

    I can’t think of a single species of mammal where, for example, defense of the young against threats is performed exclusively by the male. Either both sexes are equally armed and equally aggressive, or the female is the sole defender of offspring. Furthermore, is it just me, or is general male-instigated aggression against females a singularly human phenomenon?

    Of course, it is completely irrational to attempt to infer a model for human behavior from non-human creatures. But the point of the male supremecist in question was that these human-specific behaviors were common in the animal kingdom. Granted, I have no idea if invertebrates have these problems, but as far as mammals are concerned, I’m pretty sure humans are the glaring exception to a biological rule.

  11. Schmeminist December 28, 2009 at 3:34 PM #

    Aw, I can commiserate, having to had to suffer through that transition with a 5 mth. old rescue kitty and my 9 yr. old cat recently. The best advice I can give is to work on getting that communal feeling going. Encourage them to eat off of the same plate, pet them simultaneously, engage the both of them in interactive play at the same time. Da Bird, Cat Sitter dvd, and a laser pointer have helped promote kitty bonding time in my household. Check them out if you haven’t yet. And good luck!

  12. Grafton December 29, 2009 at 7:59 AM #

    as far as mammals are concerned, I’m pretty sure humans are the glaring exception to a biological rule.

    Alas, not so. Lots of mammals rape. Primates. Ungulates. Social rodents in close quarters. Rabbits, probably. Bottlenose dolphins are notorious for behavior that is very clearly and undeniably rape for anybody willing to term any animal behavior as rape.

    You’re certainly correct that cats don’t do it. Nor do canines. But in general one finds that the more heavily armed an animal is, the more likely it is to respect members of its own species, which is why roosters are always running about raping the hens but hawks approach each other with charming and romantic caution.

    None of this has squat to do with ethics and values anyway. If some dipshit is trying to tell you that patriarchy and rape are desirable or even remotely okay simply because they are ‘natural,’ offer him some delicious all-natural cream of Botulinal toxin soup with smallpox infested crackers on the side. He’s too dumb to live anyway.

  13. polly December 30, 2009 at 12:36 PM #

    Stupid question I know Grafton, but how do you know whether a hen has consented to sex with a rooster or not?

    But since we’re on animal sexuality, lots of animals are gay…..(or at least exhibit same sex sexual behaviour).

    I do agree however that ‘natural’ is a red herring.

  14. Grafton December 31, 2009 at 6:32 AM #

    Stupid question I know Grafton, but how do you know whether a hen has consented to sex with a rooster or not?

    Well, uh. I am assuming consent on the part of a hen who crouches down, lifts her tail, and flutters her wings while looking over her shoulder at the rooster, and assuming non-consent on the part of the hen who doesn’t do those things but instead tries to run away and gets jumped on and pushed to the ground by a rooster, who scratches her and pulls feathers holding her down.

    All my roosters either seemed to bribe the hens with presents (and it was fun to give him a tasty scrap and watch him call them over and then strut around while they ate, and usually one or two would ‘consent’ after that) or serial rapists. I tended to eat the latter, because it’s just not very ornamental to have one’s yard of ornamental fowl be sexual-violence-land.

    Lots of animals are not only gay, but have consistent preferences in a consistent portion of their populations.

    • Nine Deuce December 31, 2009 at 6:51 AM #

      No, no. You know a hen has consented when the hen calls the rooster “Master” and is wearing at least one leather garment. I mean, that’s the legal definition.

  15. Grafton December 31, 2009 at 8:20 AM #

    Mild-Autism-Man Says, “Does not compute.”

  16. polly December 31, 2009 at 3:33 PM #

    That’s an image that may stay with me through the entirety of 2010 ND…….

  17. Nine Deuce December 31, 2009 at 4:10 PM #

    Grafton – It was kind of an inside joke between me and a few other bloggers/commenters. Worry not if it doesn’t compute.

  18. Eirwen January 1, 2010 at 9:30 AM #

    I love this blog because not only are the posts funny and intelligent, almost all of the commenters are too. Except the moron MRA’s of course.

    ND, about the cats: I volunteer with a cat rescue organization, and have some great methods for getting the cats to quit antagonizing each other. One that has been personally helpful is to take a small squirt bottle, fill it with water, and give the instigator a squirt with it while not letting them see you do it. Otherwise they’ll associate it with you, and not their bad behavior. It takes time (depending on how much your cats dislike each other) but it works really well.

    You can also make a loud noise each time you see the beginning of an altercation. If they aren’t getting violent with each other, I’d just make a loud noise.

    Most likely the cats will settle into a hierarchy that they’re okay with on their own, but if not try those suggestions. Another good way to get them used to each other is to pet one vigorously and then rub your hands all over the other one so that they’re exposed to the scent of the other cat.

    Good luck with the term papers! And I hope to read more about how much men suck real soon.

  19. Imaginary January 4, 2010 at 5:29 AM #

    Yay! I hope your kitties get along soon; I can’t wait to read about men and how much they suck.

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