Sanctuaries for women open to all are a wonderful idea, but the fact they don’t exist speaks measures about how far we still have to go. Even if one did exist, I fear the majority would fail to see its appeal with the current lack of feminist awareness.

Male solidarity is a byproduct of the deal between “alpha” and “beta” men. The alphas grant sexual access to the women they don’t want in exchange for the beta’s direct policing of women in relationships. All men benefit from this system in that it ensures every man is dominant over every woman. See? Men really don’t care about anyone but themselves after all. (of course, we all knew that here!)

Yes, the crab mentality so many women have is especially detrimental when it’s used as proof of our alleged cattiness. Those women still view themselves from a patriarchal perspective, and all women lose no matter how successful under patriarchy. That’s why women still conducted themselves the same way in your class as they would have if there were twenty men instead of two.

That raises the question of why this is and how to remedy it? There’s the obvious point I’ve already stressed about financial independence, which I’m still convinced is the key reason women put up with living with men. Then there’s something that results from that financial leverage and keeps women in the cycle of dependence: women not having any identity except in relation to men. In society we are mothers, daughters, or sisters to brothers. We aren’t our own people but half of every race, class, etc. Women will even go so far as to abandon hobbies that don’t include their male partners.

If women won’t jump ship to live in all female communities (which most won’t), how do we fix this? Well, we have to cultivate a culture that doesn’t frame things in a patriarchal way. Making your own money isn’t “trying to be a man,” and women aren’t undesirable if they’re single mothers or have opted out of marriage and motherhood entirely. Women who do hold some power and status should volunteer at womens organizations to assure other women they’re not above helping their own, while stay at home mothers shouldn’t masculinize women in the workforce and glorify homemaking as women’s “natural” role. Girls night out is important and not everything women do must be inclusive to men, especially our personal hobbies and interests. A huge obstacle will be getting all women to finally accept that men aren’t going to change for us and straight women to accept the average man is completely undesirable outside of the privilege bestowed unto him, so they will have to share or live as proof that no man is better than a bad man. You mentioned reproductive rights, and that will be one of the hardest battles by far. PIV criticality is great because it exposes how men have erased straight women’s sexuality and replaced it with something that harms them both physically and mentally. (Men are trying to do the same thing to lesbian sexuality now with “scientific” studies that have problematic methodology and incorrect interpretation of their own faulty data or articles about political lesbians as if they’re a representation of all of us.)

So very much to do, but I’m lacking on ways to make this all attractive to the majority of women deeply entrenched in patriarchy so that the benefits of female solidarity will be apparent. Any ideas besides glamorizing the single life?

Regarding separatism, I wonder if it would help women to just throw caution to the wind and jump in the same boat, regardless of orientation, politics, what have you. It would sadden me to think that a united front would be impossible for us. I remember my women’s studies course in college emphasizing the ‘different flavors’ of feminism, and that, for example, a white feminist could never in a million years understand a black one. Or straight feminists could never have a clue what a gay feminist experiences. That made me feel like the battle could never be won. Imagine the women’s retreats we could have if we really were a security and comfort to each other, without quibbling about who has it worse. Even women in so-called ‘powerful’ positions face many of the same personal issues I do. So I see no point in casting them out as irrelevant. Men seem to support each other across rank, which is one reason they have been successful in keeping women down. It’s the reason it bothers me so much when females gossip about one another. The longer they claw at each other, the further diminished any real power or gains they may have had.

I agree 100% on the education issue. Even if a woman is educated simply as to what her reproductive rights are from an early age, she’s already going to be ahead in the game. Women know this, deep down. I keep my antenna wide open. Awareness really is power. I think I mentioned this before, but a gal in high school once called me an ‘evil sponge.’ She resented me for my sharp perceptions, but she grudgingly acknowledged the survival value of it. Strange, my class was all girls too, aside from two dorky, aloof dudes. I wish we would use our strength in numbers when we find ourselves in such a situation, but we rarely do.

I hope you don’t mind my using your vent post to prove my point, sassieQ, but your attitude is exactly what needs to be marketed to straight women. I’d love to see a straight woman with a “single and fabulous forever” type of lifestyle blog. I imagine it would get traffic by linking to (bargain) fashion and celebrity gossip blogs. Fat acceptance looks like another promising avenue to explore as such women are likely frustrated with their dating pool simply for not fitting the P’s current paradigm of attractiveness. Beauty standards, “energy vampirism,” male lack of empathy, and porn use are excellent crossover issues to introduce straight women to feminism. Such a blog wouldn’t be radical, of course, but it would serve its purpose to glamorize a life without a man there regulating one’s time directly.

Another thing I have to mention is that, while battered women shelters are invaluable in this culture of male violence, not enough focus is placed on educating women with no skills. Yes, women are far more vulnerable while unemployed and it isn’t always as easy as “get a degree/permit and get a job,” but there are even women on feminist blogs who aren’t in abusive relationships that choose to live with men because they don’t want to give up their standard of living. There’s always healthcare, sales, or real estate. Women who were good at math growing up can teach themselves C+ while their husband is away. If they have relatives who’ll watch the kids, even something like waste management or security could work, not to mention the traditionally “male” trade jobs. I’m not saying it’s easy, but being financially dependent on a man should be a last resort. Women need to reclaim the sense of pride that has been stripped from us. We aren’t incapable of functioning in any part of this system men have created, and we change the male world as we colonize it.

Really, all I want is for every woman and girl to be truly, unequivocally free. Call me a pessimist, but it just isn’t possible for women to reach their full potential as long as men are on the same planet because, even if we achieved “equality”, even if the oppression were flipped (which is extremely unlikely to happen in itself, but likely to happen before men and women coexist as true equals in my opinion), we’d still be wasting our energy on them for the fact of their living among us or preventing their living among us. Asking that men merely stop raping and murdering us is begging for scraps. We can become something so much better if only we focused on each other and ourselves. I fear no woman will see that potential to a reality if we don’t act this century and finally put our needs and wants first. Female fetuses are already being chemically manipulated in utero to produce more complacent daughters. The window of time is growing shorter by the minute.

Someone mentioned that women who “hate” men become separatists, while men who hate women go out and terrorize, rape, and murder us into submission. Well, there’s a good reason for that, a reason so very obvious it pains me that I must state it outright: men need women around in order to live the way they do without literally destroying themselves, but women would be so much better off without men. Although they won’t admit it, all men know this deep down, and that’s exactly why they’ll never leave us alone. Not to mention, it’s one of their reasons for hating us. They can’t accept where they fall on the male hierarchy, so they designate women a subhuman class exempted from any status whatsoever, which artificially raises every man’s status at our expense. It makes perfect sense when you look at it from the male perspective. Just imagine that all you care about is being dominant over as many people as possible no matter the cost to others. (and to your conscience)

Now, you’ll say that’s my opinion and dark, cynical one at that, but I ask: how many here would be willing to fight for their liberties until the very end if I happened to be right? If you insist men can change, what will make them change? Or, to paraphrase a commenter on another radfem blog, if men’s very lives were dependent on it, would they change? Sorry, but this woman is convinced men would sooner die than acknowledge our full humanity. Oh well. Let them die. (or we can at least send them back to mars! Heh.)

I hate men too! And I even gave birth to two of them. Trust me, everything I tried to teach them about honoring and respecting women, failed. Why? I think it’s due to the fact that once they were old enough to talk to other young men about women, they do nothing but try to please EACH OTHER…..it’s a losing battle when all men truly care about is how cool they look to each other. What is the logic in that? Are men going to live with and be intimate with each other to have to worry what other men think?

Classic example: Remember when you had your bf on the phone and every other time he’s the first one to say “I love you” before hanging up….but THIS time his buddies are around….and he clams up….why?? To show his buds he’s not a wuss. But to the one lady in his life he’s supposed to be worried what SHE thinks…..she gets the cold shoulder and is left to wonder wtf. This is so immature I could puke. One prime example….only one. There are SO many more I don’t have the time to waste describing them all. I don’t know what’s happend to men. I did the best I could with my sons, and they are both jerks I’m sorry to say. Something is about to hit the fan though.