The World Hates People with Vaginas, Part 1: The Donkey Punch

4 Apr

Hello, everyone, and welcome to part one of my new series that will never, ever end, The World Hates People With Vaginas. You see, I hear on an almost daily basis that women have made impressive strides in recent history, that equality is all but a foregone conclusion, that feminism is passe, that I’m living in the past and haven’t noticed just how good we’ve got it these days. We are, the story goes, living in a “post-feminist” society, whatever the fuck that means (I think it means we’re living in a society in which most women have been duped into believing they’ve gotten as much as they’re going to get and ought to be grateful they aren’t in Afghanistan).

Well, I’m here to tell you that feminism is still necessary because the world still hates women. And in order to prove it to you, I’m starting a new series in which I will present to my dear readership and to whatever random assholes get here searching for “6 year old fucking” and “slut bitch cougar fuckers” examples of the overt and flamboyant misogyny that pervades our popular culture. I warn you, this series is going to be fucked up. Real fucked up. It’s designed to force people who are putting their all into denying that misogyny is still a serious problem to consider the idea that they might, in fact, be full of shit.

So, let’s roll.

You know what I recommend you never, ever do? Peruse Urban Dictionary. I recommend that you avoid that URL for a very good reason: it’s the most terrifyingly misogynistic website on Earth. I mean it, dude. It’s nothing but page upon page upon page of descriptions of various methods of sexual assault and abuse written by fifteen-year-old rapists and voted upon by thirteen-year-old rapists-in-training. And the implication is that these miscreants have either done what they’re describing or wish they could. I understand that these things are more often than not nothing but teenage bravado and bullshit, but that somehow doesn’t decrease the “holy shit, thank god I’m not fifteen anymore” factor. Why not, you ask? Because these descriptions abound, because they’re saturated with dehumanization and hatred, and they’re clearly not arousing much disapproval, if one can judge anything by the thumbs-up vs. thumbs-down ratios the average Urban Dictionary post receives.

Let’s get an example, huh?

The entry for “donkey punch” brings up seven pages of results. Here are some samples:

while banging ur bitch in the anus u proceed to then punch her in the back of the head… if she coughs up blood thats 10 points!!
i fucked my bestfriends bitch and donkey punched the hell out of that bitch
The ratio on that one was 4:1, thumbs-up:thumbs-down. Another charmer:
The lesser known and even lesser appreciated version of the Donkey Punch, wherein you perform the normal acts of a donkey punch but then proceed to grab onto a ceiling fan and swing around over her unconscious body, trying to shit in her mouth.
“Man, sex with Michelle has been getting boring lately”
“Have you tried to donkey punch?”
“Yeah, it doesn’t help.”
“How about the donkey swing?”
“Bitchin!!”
17:9. One more:
Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head as hard as you can. This gives a tremendous sensation. But for it to work correctly, the girl must be completely knocked out, so that her asshole tightens up uncontrollably.
Last night, when I got back from the game I donkey punched Jenny, twice.
Apparently the correct spelling bummed people out, because that one only got a 3:2 thumbs-up to thumbs-down ratio. I did find a few posts that garnered more thumbs-down than thumbs-up votes. See this one, for example:
For anybody even remotely considering this stunt (adequately explained in the definitions) or for those who somehow think the idea of a donkey punch is amusing, I have the following opinion from a prosecutor at our local District Attorney’s Office:
Donkey punching is easily indictable as a serious felony on two counts.    First: deadly assault. A blow to the back of the head is can easily cause a severe or fatal brain stem injury; even no-holds-barred professional fights ban it.

Second: it is rape, pure and simple. The logic of this would be easily understood by any jury. The object and motivation of donkey punching is clear and unambiguous: it is to render the victim unconscious and thus incapable of saying “NO” to something the victim would ordinarily and vigorously object to.

Our office, given proper evidence would, with great eagerness and determination, prosecute a case such as this. The probability of conviction would be virtually certain. Furthermore, we could convincingly argue that the perpetrator(s) are to be regarded as dangerous sex criminals and thus pose a clear community danger while awaiting trial. Few judges would deny our argument that the perpetrators should be imprisoned while awaiting trial.

In addition, there is ample precedence for conviction of those encouraging these crimes on separate felony crimes of aiding and abetting a sexual assault. A viewing of Jody Foster’s “The Accused”, based on an actual rape conviction, should make this plain to people.

In the case of a prearranged or planned assault, an additional and more serious charge of conspiracy would be added to the indictment.

774:827. Apparently the denizens of Urban Dictionary don’t wanna hear from anyone who thinks women are human.

Do I need to analyze this little example of why this world is still a shitty place in which to be female for anyone? I realize that the majority of the people who fuck around on Urban Dictionary are adolescent virgins who listen to nu metal and run around with Aqua Teen Hunger Force t-shirts on, and hence never have and quite possibly never will have the opportunity to attempt a donkey punch on a sex partner, but that isn’t the point. These posts illustrate the fact that hating women is not only still accepted and encouraged among young people, but that it’s now become an extreme sport. There are no less than 47 gleeful descriptions on this website of an act (and it’s just one of hundreds of thousands) that is nothing short of battery and rape in language so hateful and degrading that I’ll go ahead and call it hate speech. (I know, I’m such a fag.) Even if none of the little assholes who wrote or voted on any of these posts has actually attempted to carry out the act, there’s still the little problem that people are openly encouraging rape and behaving as if it were the funniest shit of all time in a public forum that gets 12 million hits a month. One can only imagine what kind of shit the adolescent girls of the world are having to deal with these days and will have to suffer at the hands of these dicks as they get older and become sexually active. But let’s also not forget that adolescent boys alone can’t account for 12 million hits a month.

To sum up, just in case anybody missed it, the goal in this little act of sexual assault is to rape a woman anally, and then to knock her out when she protests, because it purportedly feels good. Male pleasure, once again, comes at the cost of female suffering, and, quite honestly, looks as though it also derives therefrom. I wonder, really I do: could porn have anything to do with the escalation in the violence and degradation in teenage boys’ fantasies? Nah, couldn’t be. They come up with this shit on their own, I’m sure, because adolescent boys are so imaginative and creative.

Women in our society have achieved some legal rights, so misogyny’s over, right? The widespread cultural acceptance of the hatred of women is no big deal, because we prosecute rape sometimes, right? Pornography has no real impact on women’s lives because it’s pure fantasy, completely separate from the way people think about the world and interact with others, right? Whatever, dude. Tell that to this poor woman (73:29; I’m assuming the up votes are from the few outraged women on the site and from young dudes who think her suffering is just hilarious):

first, to the one that said no one actualy donkey punches, that is not tru. when i was in colege, a guy i hooked up with donkey punched me and i had to go to the hospital. i got brain damage. thatnk you, for that. anyway, a donkey punch is when a guy punches the girl in the back of the head and its sposed to make you have an orgasam. it doesnt work, and i cant telll you enogh not to do it.

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140 Responses to “The World Hates People with Vaginas, Part 1: The Donkey Punch”

  1. Lindsay April 4, 2009 at 11:39 PM #

    Have you heard of the movie Donkey Punch? It’s about a bunch of hawt people that go on a rich guy’s yacht and punch it up and then, oops, one of the women dies because that’s gonna happen sometimes when you do stupid, violent shit. So then they have this epic adventure to cover up her murder because hey if it gets out that the bitch up and died they might not be able to keep on partying. You can find it on IMDB. The comments are horrifying.

    • Nine Deuce April 4, 2009 at 11:59 PM #

      Jesus Christ, dude.

    • harmony May 2, 2009 at 3:38 AM #

      i just watched the trailer. it quotes one movie critic as calling it “the sexiest most shocking film of the year.”

      yeah, HOT.

    • karinova June 23, 2009 at 10:52 PM #

      Re: the “Donkey Punch” movie
      Three nights ago, my BF watched this “movie” at home (while I was at my computer in the same room). About 5 minutes into what seemed like an endless, gratuitous, LOUD group-sex scene, I had to look up and ask, “what is this movie?” and when I got the reply, I just STFU and tried to go back to what I was doing. When the inevitable scene came, I actually thought I would throw up. The combination of sex and violence, and the notion that my BF specifically ordered this up, and sat down to enjoy the spectacle— in front of a woman he loves (me)— well, suffice it to say that 3 days later, my stomach is still in knots.

      Of course, his attitude was that age-old blend of don’t-be-so-sensitive/it’s-just-a-movie/you’re-such-a-prude/lots-of-people-watch-this-kind-of-stuff. All of which, let’s face it, is code for “I’m not a sicko! I’m NOT! …Am I?” He also threw in, “I know you don’t like movieviolence, and I can see how combining sex and violence could be upsetting, but How Was I To Know this movie would take such a disturbing (to you) turn?”

      Um? Try actually THINKING about the title, just for one second. Think about the concept of the DP, instead of just knee-jerk laughing at it so you can fit in with your friends? Tell me, how is it humorous? It’s not even a joke; it has no (sorry) punchline. It’s just a Something Awful, and the twist (how this still be a “twist” I don’t know) is bashing women. Hows about… I don’t know, the “Gory Hole”? The gal secretly puts broken glass in the condom, so that the guy pumps faster due to a combination of agony, desperate confusion and chin-up machismo! It’s funny… because SHE GETS OFF! Wait. Maybe I don’t understand how this kind of stuff works. Because that’s not funny.

      Oh, and he also felt that since one of the women eventually goes on a homicidal tear, that makes it all okay. “But, the girls win in the end!” said he. Because, yeah. “Slutty punching bag” and “vengeful homicidal harridan” DEFINITELY cancel each other out.

  2. Nikki April 5, 2009 at 5:02 AM #

    Sick, sick, sick.

    This makes me lose my faith in men/humanity.

  3. Rachael April 5, 2009 at 7:48 AM #

    Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for this. I hate the idea of the “donkey punch” more than almost anything. It positively horrifies me and makes me afraid to let any male behind me, should I ever have sex.

    I know most men would probably never ever try this, and I would only sleep with a man I truly trusted, but it still just terrifies me that there are men out there who hate women so much that they think such a violent, degrading, and cruel act is funny.

    Those comments can’t be brushed off as satire. The people who made them have a deeply ingrained hatred of women, and it’s absolutely horrifying. Truly, we will have a long way to go before true equality is reached.

  4. isme April 5, 2009 at 8:22 AM #

    That’s not *entirely* fair on UD, while much of it is appalling, much of it is not. You have plenty of tame descriptions (a “bro-friend” is a male friend who is like a brother to you, a “were-koala” is sometime who interrupts a conversation in a chatroom by bringing up something totally unrelated, for example). Though, even much of the tame content has at least one obscene definition tacked on (C&C stands for “Command and Conquer”, the computer game from way back when…it also apparently means “Cum and cheerios”, where you mix the two together for some reason).

    I had been under the impression, though, that a “donkey punch” was the same as a “cunt punt” (exactly what it sounds). Youtube is full of clips about that…most disturbingly from computer games, which seem to be about female professional wrestlers hitting each other in the groin and letting themselves being hit in the groin, complete with crunching noises and writhing in pain. One example seemed to have “grab woman in the crotch and tear bits off” as an attack…though, I was under the impression that the game featured persons of both sexes ripping bits off each other all over, so that’s fair, I guess…excepting that it was a male doing to a female on the clip deemed worth posting.

    I’d recommend Encyclopedia Dramatica as source of material for this new series of yours…though the idea seems to be that they should hate every group equally, regardless of colour or creed, they don’t seem to have a section on men. I could be wrong though.

    • Nine Deuce April 5, 2009 at 3:27 PM #

      I know there is some innocuous content, but the majority of it is juvenile and misogynistic slang terms for sex acts and sexual assault.

  5. Gayle April 5, 2009 at 12:38 PM #

    Why are you criticizing womens’ choices?

    Kidding.

    This makes me thankful I never brought a baby girl into the world.

    • RE April 7, 2009 at 12:28 AM #

      Why? So she’s not subjected to misogyny like this, you mean?
      The fact that hatred against women exists is no reason to stop bringing young women into the world.
      I hope to have a girl someday, so I can raise her to be strong, independent, and intelligent- just the opposite of what society wants us to be, and maybe she can help to be part of the change we all want to see.

      • harmony April 29, 2009 at 8:05 AM #

        i don’t want my own kids, but i agree with your sentiment, RE. :0) but i think you misunderstood gayle, who i believe was just speaking for herself, and not as a prescriptive for all women.

  6. P.T. Wheatstraw April 5, 2009 at 12:52 PM #

    Unpack this for me. If a 15-year-old is talking about “rape” but really has no clue what he’s talking about, how seriously am I supposed to take it? I hear them talk about fighting all the time (based largely upon their experiences playing video games) but it doesn’t occur to me that they might be about to visit violence upon people.

    Honestly, I worry more when my nephew is talking about dating and I detect that he’s trying to be a Nice Guy™ than when he asks me if I know what the Angry Pirate entails.

    • isme April 5, 2009 at 2:13 PM #

      Well, it depends if these really are 15 year olds, or actual adults…no way of telling, but that kind of mentality doesn’t always go away when people get older. On the other hand, though, its not uncommon for adults to speak of wanting to murder people without really meaning it either.

    • Nine Deuce April 5, 2009 at 3:29 PM #

      It illustrates a very scary attitude toward women, and remember that these same adolescents do tend to grow up to become those adult Nice Guys. Or they become the kinds of dudes who think they can “demand anal” from their girlfriends. Without this attitude, the majority of sexual abuse could not occur.

    • J.Goff April 5, 2009 at 9:22 PM #

      A major problem is also that most of those 15 year olds become 18 year olds, become 25 year olds, and a lot of this horseshit is not treated with the derision it should in patriarchal culture. I many cases, it is rarely treated with any dismissiveness, but instead, outright humor, aiding the notion that this evil is funny. This feeds in to the vein of misogynist humor one sees prevalent in many college settings. Also, one can’t really assign what one finds on UD to mere 15 year olds. There are much older men who post things such as this.

    • syndicalist702 April 8, 2009 at 12:12 AM #

      “If a 15-year-old is talking about “rape” but really has no clue what he’s talking about”

      Were this my kid, I would ask myself I hadn’t educated his ass yet.

      • karinova June 23, 2009 at 10:59 PM #

        Exactly. The problem with the UD and the juvenile oneupmanship it seems to bring out, is that it seems these kids have no real idea what they’re talking about. All they really know about rape is… it’s HILARIOUS!
        (When it happens to girls.)

    • harmony April 29, 2009 at 8:03 AM #

      “Unpack this for me. If a 15-year-old is talking about “rape” but really has no clue what he’s talking about[...]”

      an estimated 1 in 5 sexual assaults are committed by adolescents. given that adolescence lasts less than a decade, this means teenagers are committing a disproportionate amount of the sexual assaults.

      http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/adolescent-sex-offenders.html

      21% of those charged with sexual assault in Canada are between the ages of 12 and 19 years of age (Children’s Aid Society of Toronto, 1999, p. 32).

      Approximately 20% of all people charged with a sexual offence in North America are juveniles (Worling & Curwin, 2000, p. 9653).

  7. Nine Deuce April 5, 2009 at 3:24 PM #

    To the guy who sent a comment in that basically argued that the reason we hear about this shit is that women are dumb and flock to these kinds of guys: why do you think that might be? Do you really think all women are stupid? Really? Do you think maybe a society telling them over and over that they deserved to be used and mistreated and that the only thing that matters is how many men want to have sex with them might have an effect on their self-esteem, and thus on the kinds of treatment they will put up with? Sorry, but blaming the victim is not cool. The men who are abusing women can stop any time they want to. Why not tell them they ought to?

    • I, Guy. April 5, 2009 at 11:59 PM #

      I am guessing that this is in response to my censored post? I’m sorry, but I’m not really sure since I don’t remember being the absolutist who places 100% blame exclusively on the 3 billion women in the world. Perhaps you were measuring me by the same absolute polar ruler which you navigate on yourself.

      I don’t need a lesson in the folly of generalizations. I have found a wonderful women who is smart and wise, and there are many women out there who are the exceptions to the majority of women out there that whose tastes in men are as I described before.

      My counterpoint to Nikki (who was not censored for generalizing all men for blame) was that I both convict men for being the asshole jerks that society raises them to be, but that also society raises women to be drawn to such such alpha-males (assholes/jerks). If you look at the big picture, blame goes hand-in-hand for both women who support hegemonic masculinity by being drawn to dominant men (men who were taught by society to dominate other men, but also to take pleasure in the subordination of women was well).

      All this will get censored no doubt as well, because I blame both men and women, while your polar mindset cannot handle that.

      You are probably also in the mindset that the drug problem in America is 100% due to drug dealers, rather than drug users, or even the drug laws themselves. Such is your polar mindset.

      • Nine Deuce April 6, 2009 at 12:01 AM #

        Wrong. But I’m not going to blame victims for their mistreatment, which is what you are doing. We don’t live our lives in a vacuum, and you can’t expect oppressed people to just behave as if there were no constraints placed on their choices.

        • I, Guy. April 6, 2009 at 2:22 AM #

          Very well said. We spiral closer to the truth that lies between us, and you win from me a nod of respect.

          Now we’ve reached the philosophical plane. And here I guess is where the ride will come to it’s end. I philosophically believe that deep down each of our prisons are of our making as much as it may be otherwise on the surface.
          It is here that I am content to believe that there is as much truth in your philosophy as there is in mine, and it is here that we can agree that there is an oppression that exists which we must strive to correct.

          • Nine Deuce April 6, 2009 at 2:26 AM #

            Well, thank Christ for that.

          • dean April 6, 2009 at 12:53 PM #

            She wins a nod of respect? What a condescending thing to say.
            I’m pretty sure that she is not here to win/earn anything from you or anyone else.
            Your comment is so full of pseudo-philosophical bullshit. The pretension fairly drips from the screen.
            Comment in order to further the discussion, not to prove how “smart” you are. Thanks

            • Nine Deuce April 6, 2009 at 2:34 PM #

              Pretty funny, huh? You should’ve seen his original comment.

              • buggle April 6, 2009 at 4:37 PM #

                Dude, I’m so jealous! I want a nod of respect from a victim-blamer too!!!!! 9-2, you are just SO lucky!!!

          • Nine Deuce April 6, 2009 at 2:36 PM #

            You might want to look up the appropriate use of the apostrophe in its and it’s.

          • syndicalist702 April 6, 2009 at 9:40 PM #

            Take your male privilege somewhere else. Otherwise, contribute to the solution or shut the fuck up and listen.

          • Nine Deuce April 6, 2009 at 9:43 PM #

            Is it just me, or does it sound like this guy might be into Ren Faires? Like, I imagine him in a leather vest and a frilled shirt jousting with some other dork and, upon losing, weightily announcing, “You win from me a nod of respect” as a way to deflect attention from the fact that he lost.

            • syndicalist702 April 6, 2009 at 9:45 PM #

              Yeah, it’s like getting up, looking you in the eye and saying, “Thanks, 9-2, for kicking the shit out of me.”

              Oh wait, that would be more dignified.

              • Nine Deuce April 6, 2009 at 9:49 PM #

                His language is just so dorky and Dungeons and Dragons-esque.

  8. Nine Deuce April 5, 2009 at 3:25 PM #

    And to the guy he told me he wanted to donkey punch me: thanks for proving my point, dumbass. Not only is this attitude prevalent, but it’s prevalent among dudes who like Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Dork.

  9. C April 5, 2009 at 9:29 PM #

    When I first heard about the whole “Donkey Punch” thing I was shocked, the fact that it exists proves that women are valued far less in society than men. But that said, I don’t take it seriously, very few in the greater society have heard or care about the donkey punch. When you live in a patriarchy obviously 15 year old boys are going to have fucked up ideas of what sex is because they’re just starting to get their minds around that shit and figuring out that the world doesn’t revolve around their dick. The whole idea of the donkey punch is a joke, like the “superman” or “the pirate”. I think you’re over-analyzing a sub-culture to the point that you make it seem like a culture, which it’s not. There are far more relevant points to show that “the world hates people with vaginas” so I’m looking forward to the rest of this series!

    • Nine Deuce April 5, 2009 at 9:40 PM #

      I can’t believe I’m saying this, but read J. Goff’s comment. This isn’t about Urban Dictionary or about 15-year-old boys, it’s about a mainstream culture that laughs at rape. It isn’t only on UD that I’ve heard of the donkey punch. There’s a clothing company, a movie, etc. And I’ve heard adult men joking about it in bars. It’s not the part that I’m claiming is the problem, it’s the part as representative of the whole.

      • J.Goff April 6, 2009 at 12:00 AM #

        I can’t believe I’m saying this, but read J. Goff’s comment.

        I’m not perfect, and I’m not as feminist as I desperately hope to be (because I desperately believe that women have been wronged in our world, that wrong has to be righted, and the only people to right it are the people who continually tread over women in the worst ways possible), but I’m also not as misogynist as some believe me to be. I do have my own, horrible failings, but I am trying.

        • syndicalist702 April 6, 2009 at 10:00 PM #

          Hey, homie: the best thing to do if you’re serious about abandoning misogyny and male privilege is shut up, listen, and think about what you read/hear when you’re in a forum such as this one. This will require a lot of walking a mile in someone else’s moccasins and probably making a lot of mistakes. Just own up, dust yourself off, and keep learning.

          One thing is for sure, man – you won’t learn about the plight of the unprivileged by leaning on privileged understanding.
          Remember that, and you’ll be all right.

          Shit, I still f**k up on occasion, simply because I don’t know what it’s like to be a woman and having to deal with all the bullshit they deal with. All we can do is empathize and police our ranks.

          Good on you for owning up, dog.

        • harmony April 29, 2009 at 7:54 AM #

          @j.goff: i don’t remember reading your comments before (i’m new to this blog), so i can’t say one way or the other. but it sounds like your heart is in the right place! :)

          my advice is keep reading this blog. read some other blogs on her blog-roll. read some radical-feminist books. (i can recommend some if you want!)

          and when you are challenged for fucking up (and we all fuck up on our quest to be decent human beings, no matter who we are), try to listen rather than get defensive. getting defensive is like 2nd nature to you, me, and anyone else raised in a society which conditions us to be narcissists (not true self-love, but rather a fragile sense of self-worth masked by grandiosity). males, especially, are conditioned this way, which makes it even more difficult to overcome.

          it helps to remember that when people challenge you on your fucking up, it is probably out of a sign of respect rather than disrespect, even if it might feel like disrespect. i know that i only challenge those who i believe are caring people who want to do the right thing. because if i thought they were an asshole who didn’t give a shit, why would i bother pointing out the ways they’re fucking up? so if ever i challenge someone it’s because i assume they have the brains and the heart to get it. so it’s more of a compliment than a diss.

          i encourage you to stay on this path even if it’s painful and lonely at times. trust me, it is worth it, and necessary not just for females’ liberation but for your own. and i really appreciate anyone who is seriously dedicated to this journey.

    • delphyne April 5, 2009 at 11:54 PM #

      FFS look upthread. There was a British film made called Donkey Punch. Fifteen year old boys don’t get to produce Brit flicks with multi-million pound budgets. This is mainstream adolescent and 20-something culture.

      It’s not a joke. Violence and rape in relationships, including teenage relationships is widespread. There are plenty of women who will tell you about being tortured by their male partners in sex. Men get off on sadism towards women and yeah sadists often laugh at the sadism inflicted on their or other people’s victims. If you think things like this are funny you’ve got a big problem.

      Also if you think there are more relevant points to illustrate misogyny then tell us about them, but Nine Deuce is right that only a woman-hating society would come up with something like this and act like it was something to laugh about.

      • Nine Deuce April 5, 2009 at 11:58 PM #

        I love that tactic. People often tell me there’re more important things I should be focusing on, as if I don’t know that rape, femicide, and other crimes against women exist. As if these things aren’t connected. The point of this series is to show people that misogyny exists here and now, among “regular” people, not just over there with the rapist who has been caught or with the men who kill women in other countries.

        • delphyne April 6, 2009 at 12:11 AM #

          Well of course it is your responsibility to focus on the things that *they* think are important. No onus on them to fight their own fights when they’ve got a feminist to order around.

      • C April 6, 2009 at 3:18 AM #

        Rape and violence are horrible things that hang over the heads of women every day. By choosing not to think about it every moment of every day doesn’t mean I think rape is a joke. I wasn’t calling rape a joke I was calling the “donkey punch” a joke. I think it’s a weak, pathetic attempt at showing women “their place” and it doesn’t deserve any feminist’s attention

        • delphyne April 6, 2009 at 5:49 PM #

          The donkey punch is a joke about raping women. It’s not difficult to understand.

          I can’t work out if you’re a woman in denial, or some bloke just here to try and persuade feminists not to notice the extraordinary woman-hatred that exists in the minds of many men.

          What kind of fucked up little scumbag even thinks that’s funny? Being 15 is no excuse. Women are in serious danger from violence and sexual violence from men yet we’re just supposed to ignore them all joking and boasting about rape and assault. I don’t think so.

          • C April 6, 2009 at 8:55 PM #

            That’s a low blow delphyne, just because I don’t agree with you doesn’t mean I’m either an idiot or an asshole. I don’t think the donkey punch is worth anyone’s time because ranting about it does absolutely nothing, you can throw words at an issue but it doesn’t solve anything.
            And to Nine Deuce, why do we have to tell them it’s not okay? In my personal experience people figure out it’s not okay within themselves. You talk to any self respecting dude today and you mention the donkey punch 99.9% of the time you will get an awkward “uh huh…” and a slow walk away. But maybe it’s different in Canada (Ha!).

            • Nine Deuce April 6, 2009 at 10:05 PM #

              Would you recommend I take the blog down, then? Because the only thing I do is rant about things. It does not do “absolutely nothing,” it raises awareness and it sometimes convinces people of something. Which is the reason I do it. I sort of understand the idea that my giving attention to a bunch of kids is a waste, but I don’t think that’s what I’m doing. I’m calling attention to a glaring symptom of a systematic illness.

            • syndicalist702 April 6, 2009 at 10:33 PM #

              Clue stick time:

              “I don’t think the donkey punch is worth anyone’s time because ranting about it does absolutely nothing,”

              Yeah, I guess you’re right. Exposing it and calling men out for it won’t solve anything.

              By the way, near-sighted one, guess how this man came to support feminism? It wasn’t because the woman in my life decided to be silent, that’s for damn sure.

            • delphyne April 7, 2009 at 6:45 PM #

              Who is throwing out the low blows here? I didn’t call you either an idiot or an asshole. That’s just flat out lying from you. I said that you’re either a woman in denial, or some bloke trying to get women to stay blind to men’s misogyny. So which are you? The way you just twisted my words just there I’m going for the guy who tries to use manipulation to keep women from noticing what is right in front of us.

              If you want to come across differently, stop trying to brush off men joking about sexually assaulting women as no big deal.

              [edited to preserve peace]

              • Nine Deuce April 7, 2009 at 6:51 PM #

                delphyne – C isn’t a dude. She’s a young feminist who has commented here quite a bit. I think this whole thing is getting too hostile.

                • delphyne April 7, 2009 at 7:10 PM #

                  She needs to read more carefully what I said then. If I wanted to call her an asshole I would have done so directly but I wasn’t even thinking in those sort of terms.

                  Pretending that describing an attitude is a low blow, when quietism has been a tried and tested strategy amongst women who don’t want to stand up to men and is thus worth pointing out, is just a manipulative way of avoiding the point.

                  I’ve already asked C. what things we should be focusing on and she hasn’t answered that either. As far as I can see her whole argument is “Be quiet”. Maintaining the status quo is an extremely easy position to argue. There are plenty of places where she can go and claim that the donkey punch is no big deal, why do it amongst radical feminists?

                  (You can edit this bit out ND – do you know for certain she is a young feminist? It’s not like anti-feminists have never pretended to be such things.)

                  • Nine Deuce April 7, 2009 at 7:24 PM #

                    I went back and read her old comments to make sure I remembered her, so yes. I want to encourage her to discuss stuff here and to feel free to voice her opinions, because I think it’s important to understand the viewpoints of younger feminists. Which is why I think it’s important for those of us who disagree with her to do so civilly. I don’t want young feminists to get the idea that radical feminism is dogmatic or that we’re not open to input.

                    C – Here’s what I think: Sam has posted an example of a woman whose johns donkey punched her, and I included an example in my post. Don’t those instances of this thing that these stupid kids are telling jokes about show that it’s gone beyond the realm of UD and adolescent bullshit? I understand your point, that these kinds of things are tactics callow dudes use to try to “put women back in their place,” as you said, but I think there are several problematic aspects there. 1 – That men think they can joke about raping us/threaten to rape us to try to shut us up is terroristic. 2 – That it’s OK to joke about an act that is most definitely rape in a public forum is indicative of a widespread cultural misogyny that I hope to expose to those who don’t believe we still live in a misogynistic world. 3 – Joking about these things normalizes them, and I think it’s unsafe to assume no one is stupid/evil enough to try then in real life (as evidenced by these two examples).
                    I understand that in your daily life it might be advisable to ignore these kinds of things as it will save you the trouble of dealing with the backlash should you speak up (if I remember right, you are in high school, and I’d be pretty loathe to try to get into these things with high school dudes). I also understand the stance that you’re just giving them what they want if you react. But I think what I’m trying to do is different from dealing with individual asshole dudes. I’m trying to expose a systematic problem. I hope that helps clarify things, at least as far as where I’m coming from. Please feel free to respond. And that question I and delphyne posed is a serious one – what do you think is a better use of time? I’m not asking that in a snotty way, either.

                    • delphyne April 7, 2009 at 7:34 PM #

                      I know plenty of young feminists or young women for that matter who don’t think that the donkey punch is acceptable. Why privilege the ones who defend misogyny or try to get women not to notice it without even bothering to offer an alternative?

                      Don’t you think she could equally be called dogmatic for refusing to acknowledge that something like the Donkey Punch is a symptom of a woman-hating culture? Like I said it’s easy to argue for the status quo – “the donkey punch is no big deal, women should shut up complaining about it” because you’ve got the whole of male supremacy backing you up. And you won’t even get called a dogmatist for saying it.

                    • Nine Deuce April 7, 2009 at 7:42 PM #

                      I don’t disagree, but I would just rather the conversation not turn into a back-and-forth volley of “fuck you.” I’m firmly of the opinion that it’s a symptom of a woman-hating culture, which is why I wrote this, but I’d still try to defend my position until it becomes clear that the person I’m talking to isn’t willing to think about things (which I don’t think is the case here).

                    • C April 7, 2009 at 10:09 PM #

                      Thanks ND for bringing this back to a more civilized conversation. The reason I wasn’t responding to your question was because I didn’t want to be a hypocrite and keep discussing something that I was telling people to stop talking about. I know I’m coming off as a misogynist saying to ignore the problem and perhaps it will go away. But from my point of view I never really think of this blog as a place to convince people that feminism is still needed, I think of it as a forum for feminists to discuss. I just got that sense from previous posts and all that. So from that point of view, my argument isn’t “sit down and shut up”, my argument isn’t saying that this isn’t an issue, I’m just saying that there are much more mainstream things that could prove your point, the media (Axe, Dolce and Gabbana, or just any brand really seems to hate women), religion (like that “Christian Domestic Discipline” bullshit), Afghanistan,Somalia, Japan, since this is a post called how the world hates women I would be really interested on your world views because if you’re interested in knowing what young feminists are talking about in my personal experience world issues pertaining to women have always been at the top of the list. It really does put into perspective just how much this world hates women, I would even go so far to say we’re the most hated group on this earth. I feel it’s more important to talk about things that you can solve, because I thought this blog was all about throwing around ideas. I completely respect your opinion and it has made me think differently about the issue. But don’t get me wrong, from the very beginning I made it a point to mention that the donkey punch is a product of the patriarchy and isn’t acceptable, the only place we differ on opinions is on how to deal with the issue. Oh, and yes I am in high school but it’s not all that bad, I’m in Global History and Sociology this semester so all we talk about is the oppression of women in the past and the oppression of women in the present, it’s pretty fucking bomb!

                • syndicalist702 April 8, 2009 at 12:15 AM #

                  Apologies to ‘C’ because I replied to her as I would one of those MRA d-bags.

                  Told y’all I screw up sometimes. :-/

        • Nine Deuce April 6, 2009 at 5:53 PM #

          I think all instances of overt misogyny deserve attention. If we all ignore these things, who will tell people they aren’t OK?

  10. Jenn April 5, 2009 at 10:34 PM #

    There seems to be a lot of association with “donkey” and a sexual act involving the penetration of a woman. Donkey shows along with donkey punches…

    Am I supposed to conclude that men think of women as beasts of burden, particularly stupid and smelly ones at that, for their systematic exploitation and abuse? Instead of loads of cargo, are women the donkeys that bear the weight of the male’s back-breaking violent lust? The equivocation of the female with a non-human beast of burden isn’t accidental. Punching women as if they were a donkey or paying for the spectacle of a donkey penetrating them seems to imply that the human female is very similar, in the patriarchal mindset, to a female donkey.

    • isme April 6, 2009 at 4:52 AM #

      I don’t know about that…I mean, yes, women are called “cows or “bitches” (which seems odd, given that they are two very useful animals society would have to adapt quite alot to the lack of…I’ve always thought a rat or a cockroach would make more sense as an insult)…but the desired state for a man is to be seen as a stallion, stud, or top dog.

      Possibly words like “bitch” are only an insult because of their connotations with womanhood, rather than with dogs.

  11. Nine Deuce April 5, 2009 at 10:38 PM #

    I can’t believe this, but I actually thought this was such a glaring example that no one would argue with me. The comments I’ve deleted have blown my mind. “Cunt” this and “you stupid bitch” that I expected. But these protestations from women that this sort of thing is no big deal? What the fuck? It isn’t a fringe element, dude. This site, as I told everyone in the post, gets 12 MILLION hits a month.

    • sparklematrix April 5, 2009 at 11:07 PM #

      Of course donkey punch is no big deal, it just slides along nicely with ATM (eat shit bitch), gang rape, toilet flushing and gagging – it’s just reclassified as ‘liberation’ and being ‘positive’ about female sexuality. Funny how for instance (as pointed out elsewhere) gay sex doesn’t have ATM. Hmm that’ll just be for the ladyz then? [/snark]

      • Nine Deuce April 5, 2009 at 11:12 PM #

        That’s a good point. I haven’t seen much gay porn, but I wonder whether ATM, toilets, gagging, etc. is as common? (That was rhetorical.)

        • sparklematrix April 5, 2009 at 11:18 PM #

          Well, according to google it’s not.

        • Jenn April 5, 2009 at 11:33 PM #

          It isn’t. There is some emphasis on submission of the receiver sometimes, but it is often framed in the context of making that person the “bitch” or “woman” of the exchange by making a point to demean them using words and acts typically reserved for women.

          Actually, lesbian porn emphasizes such inherently disgusting and degrading acts more than gay male porn does. It’s always the presence of the vagina, or the reduction of a male to one with a vagina, that accompanies such degradation.

          • suviann April 6, 2009 at 12:14 AM #

            That’s very interesting. I used to watch some gay porn when I was younger( I’ve never been into hetero porn!) and I can’t say that I remember much of it having a lot of really degrading stuff actually. And I’ve never watched any lesbian porn either. Once again it’s obvious to me that ALL porn involving women is meant to be VERY misogynist. I could never watch that kind of stuff…it makes me sick just thinking about it.

        • syndicalist702 April 6, 2009 at 10:44 PM #

          The answer probably won’t shock you.

          In the gay porn I’ve seen, the atrocious, violent shit is more common among the men than it is among the women.

          If one didn’t know better, one would think we men have a penchant for doing f**ked up shit to other human beings that women don’t have – or something.

      • Liselotte April 17, 2009 at 9:31 PM #

        Course there’s ATM in gay porn if you’re looking for it.
        Gang RAPE is RAPE. As long as you’re not talking about normal gang BANG (e.g. without rape) you sure have to admit gang RAPE is not comparable to ATM. ATM RAPE would be, though.
        One day even the last “feminist” will have understood that feminism doesn’t mean “ALL women are/ do ……..” but, to the contrary, “everybody’s an individual”.
        It’s liberating if it liberates you. It’s unliberating if it doesn’t. Just that simple.

        • Nine Deuce April 17, 2009 at 9:56 PM #

          Yeah, and if you like it, then who gives a shit if it hurts other people, right?

          • Liselotte April 17, 2009 at 10:41 PM #

            I’m a woman

    • delphyne April 5, 2009 at 11:55 PM #

      They think it’s no big deal because their boyfriends joke about it to them, and if they want male approval they have to laugh along.

  12. suviann April 6, 2009 at 12:07 AM #

    Women need to understand that men don’t really watch(straight)porn for the sex…They watch it because they want to see women abused and humiliated. The worse it is for the women the better and more exciting it is for or them!
    To me the fact that (most) men hate women is pretty damn obvious. And this is such a horrible time to be a teenaged girl. I’m really glad I’m 25 and a radical feminist, I don’t have to deal with this kind of shit!

  13. bonobobabe April 6, 2009 at 1:35 AM #

    I had never heard of donkey punch, and now that I have, I think a piece of my soul just died. Seriously.

  14. Rachel April 6, 2009 at 2:42 AM #

    I have had the argument before, when the concept of the donkey punch was introduced to me, about how no one really does it, so it’s just a joke. Seriously, even if no one has ever attempted to donkey punch anyone, finding the idea funny – enjoying imagining it – is itself misogyny. Especially in a world where men routinely sexually violate women even if it’s usually in more “mundane” ways. Misogyny is basically the punchline of the joke – if it weren’t for misogyny, the response would probably be closer to confused and rather disgusted.

    This is the same argument that says porn is great because it’s fantasy. Well, I suppose if somebody doesn’t do anything, but only fantasizes about flushing a woman’s head down the toilet while he rapes her in the ass in order to get off, then he’s…oh wait, a virulent misogynist. Never mind then.

    • Nine Deuce April 6, 2009 at 3:01 AM #

      Exactly. Since when is a rape joke not misogynistic unless the person who is telling it has already raped someone?

  15. kendallmck April 6, 2009 at 7:14 PM #

    You actually looked up “Donkey Punch” on Urban Dictionary? Yeesh.

    I will present to my dear readership and to whatever random assholes get here searching for “6 year old fucking” and “slut bitch cougar fuckers”…

    I can relate. I get a lot of “sleep fucking” “sleep rape” “fuck girls in asshole while sleeping” in my Google searches. Nice.

  16. delphyne April 6, 2009 at 8:04 PM #

    You know maybe we should create one of those rape prevention type e-mails about the donkey punch, warning women not to have any kind of doggie style anal or vaginal sex with men, because a lot of them are fantasising about punching them in the back of the head whilst they are doing it.

    I wonder how many women men have done this to. More than none I’d warrant.

    • Laurelin April 7, 2009 at 4:07 PM #

      I think many prostituted women can vouch for more than no men having done it.

      If you can imagine it being done to a woman, chances are it’s been done.

      • Sam April 7, 2009 at 5:07 PM #

        During my presentation at a 2006 prostitution conference a prostituted woman in the audience told the room she had been donkey punched by johns on the back of her head and lower spine.

        • Nine Deuce April 7, 2009 at 5:32 PM #

          And with that, the “it’s just kids joking around” crowd will have to face the facts (if the example in the post hadn’t been enough for some reason).

  17. Evo April 6, 2009 at 8:21 PM #

    Fucking THANK YOU for this. You would think this entry on its own would render the rest of the series unnecessary, but, somehow I think there will still be tons of people who just don’t get it.

    I also wholeheartedly agree with delphyne as to why women defend this shit. It’s the whole “But I’m special, so no man would ever do that to me. It’s those OTHER women who are gonna get donkey punched. Plus the more I laugh along, the more teh menz like me!” mentality.

  18. Kindness April 6, 2009 at 8:50 PM #

    This post just reminded me of spending time with my gang of all-male friends about my age (mid/late 20s) and their “hilarious” jokes about women and each other. They constantly joked about the “donkey punch” or giving a girl a “dirty Sanchez.” They also played video games together and constantly referred to beating another team as “assraping” or just plain rape. When I objected to their terms (as any thoughtful person would) they said that they WERE being “egalitarian” because they referred to raping men as well as women, and it was just a coincidence that many of their insults centered around finding women disgusting. The most common terms were “douche-bag” (because what’s more awful than something that’s used to clean women’s gross genitals?!), cunt, pussy, cum-bucket/cum-guzzler. And this was from “typical” guys I knew, not even the ones I’d identify as overly misogynist in any other circumstance. Thanks for the article, Nine Deuce!

  19. syndicalist702 April 6, 2009 at 9:30 PM #

    Ick. I linked to UD in a post I did about rape a few days ago – for two examples of rape that men (at least some of my coworkers) like to joke about. Racism abounds on UD, too. Their entry about my hometown (Albany, GA) pissed me off, too.

    Bad ass post, sistah.

    • Nine Deuce April 6, 2009 at 9:35 PM #

      Why did I click those links? I need to learn to bury my head in the sand.

      • syndicalist702 April 6, 2009 at 9:42 PM #

        Right. As if you didn’t know they’d be offensive. xD

        Some of my male readers (for some strange reason) don’t understand why I’d list those as examples of rape. *shrug* Dipshits.

      • syndicalist702 April 7, 2009 at 9:11 PM #

        Now that I think about it, you clicked on those links for the same reason I drink soda while reading your comments for risk of spewing it out when I laugh at some d-bag getting schooled. I know better but I always forget. That oversight has cost me a couple of keyboards now.

  20. Charlie April 6, 2009 at 11:41 PM #

    Word.

    I’ve never understood the fascination so many boys have with cruelty. I can think of lots of times that other boys I knew growing up did some really cruel, violent and mean stuff to insects, animals, to each other and to siblings. And I can only think of a few examples of an adult intervening.

    It sometimes seems to me that the only strategy that some parents/caretakers seem to have around such things is a combination of “boys will be boys” and “I hope they’ll grow out of it.” And while some of them do, plenty of them don’t. Video games and popular music culture seem to make it worse, but these sorts of things happened before those had such an influence on our culture.

    Given how common such behaviors are, it makes me wonder if there’s a developmental stage that many boys just aren’t getting. There’s some research that suggests that empathy needs to be learned and that it’s most easily learned at certain stages of childhood, much like learning language happens most easily at certain stages.

    If anyone reading this has children, especially boys, I’m curious to hear how you respond to these sorts of things (in your own child/ren or someone else’s) if you feel like talking about that. Or not, if that takes things off-topic, but it seems relevant to me.

    • Pharaoh Katt April 8, 2009 at 5:12 AM #

      I don’t have any children, but I assist in a child care centre as pert of my course.

      Whenever we encounter violence of any sort, we separate the children and say “be gentle” or “play nicely”.
      But that’s just here and now. What other centres in other countries do is a mystery to me, not to mention I’ve only just started this so practices have changed. And who knows what they are like at home?

      I’m trying to make a difference, but this is slow work, and won’t do anything to stop the misogynists already hurting women.

  21. The Beautiful Kind April 7, 2009 at 3:44 AM #

    Dammit I can’t stop reading your blog!

    The Donkey punch concept was invented by boys who aren’t getting laid despite their clueless efforts, and so out of frustration they fantasize about stupid shit like this. They just need to be ignored and eventually, they’ll go away. Think natural selection.

    • isme April 7, 2009 at 7:09 AM #

      Oh, there will be angry response to this!

    • Nine Deuce April 7, 2009 at 1:55 PM #

      I’ve addressed that in other comments.

    • harmony April 29, 2009 at 7:39 AM #

      “The Donkey punch concept was invented by boys who aren’t getting laid despite their clueless efforts, and so out of frustration they fantasize about stupid shit like this.”

      many people have similar beliefs. but all research studies point to the same fact: rapists, as a whole, are no less likely to get laid than non-rapists. see, for example, “why men rape” by a. nicholas groth. it’s an oldie but a goodie.

      “They just need to be ignored and eventually, they’ll go away. Think natural selection.”

      rape has been around for a long time and ignoring it hasn’t helped so far.

  22. Aileen Wuornos April 7, 2009 at 10:39 AM #

    Urgh. This kind of stuff just makes me feel (more than) a little ill. It’s like hearing some of the shit that goes on during some of my all night gaming marathons (I play online fps) which just pisses me off. Ergh. The only time I find myself using urban dictionary is if I don’t get an internet abbreviation.
    Much too angry honey.

  23. Laurelin April 8, 2009 at 12:09 AM #

    C, I think that many of the women here on the thread who are survivors of sexual violence find the issue of ‘donkey punching’ very important, and very much illustrative of misogyny. Women can die from this. We need to see this in the context of epidemic sexual violence against women.

    I can’t think of anything more important.

  24. AntiPorn Activist April 8, 2009 at 1:33 AM #

    http://shop.cafepress.com/punch-donkey

    Here’s why you should never ever buy anything from Cafe Press.
    They’ve cleverly rigged their search engine so that you can’t search for “donkey punch” but you can search for “punch donkey.”
    In response to an APAN action, no doubt.

    • harmony April 29, 2009 at 7:12 AM #

      ewww, there are T-SHIRTS!?

      that’s it, that’s too much, just too much.

    • harmony April 29, 2009 at 7:17 AM #

      correction: too much is the fact that they are selling donkey punch thongs. meaning that females are buying and wearing this shit.

  25. hexy April 9, 2009 at 7:22 AM #

    Jesus fuck, you trawled through Urban Dictionary?

    Braver woman than I. *shudder*

  26. Kate April 28, 2009 at 1:20 AM #

    I’d like to pose the following question:
    What criteria do you think entries on Urban Dictionary get rated up by?

    It isn’t the correct spelling, nor the morality of the post. It’s by the most accurate definition. The fact “donkey punching” exists might be something you could have a worthy debate over, but what exactly is the point of saying people voting down definitions- that aren’t, in fact- definitions on a website dedicated to defining slang terms are sexist for voting up an accurate definition?

    For instance, if I go look up sex, the most popular definition isn’t per se accurate but is intended to be humorous, and obviously it worked.
    “A painful activity in which a man, using the stiffest and pointiest part of his pelvic region, repeatedly stabs a female in her crotch until he feels satisfied. Can also take place between two men, in which one male stabs the other in the bum. Lesbian “sex” may be fun and all, but it aint real sex unless there is some sort of stabbling going on, perhaps with a cleverly shaped hand or steel dildo.
    Time to have sex, Sally Struthers!”

    The two most unpopular aren’t particularly good examples for my purposes so I’ll omit them from this. The 3rd least popular definition is:
    “Is Wrong Unless Married and should only be had unless married!!!!!!!!! And is a large problem through the world and most people cant seem to think with their heads instead of their hormones. People are weak and let temptation win. May those who think with their hormones catch a nice disease..
    other than that
    have a nice day!
    TV is a tiny example of how wrong it is! Check shows like Maury, springer, all those shows show how sex is just a tiny problem of how bad it is in the world.”

    It should be self evident why that would be popular, it doesn’t declare what sex is, just that it is “evil, sinful, and wrong” and places a viewpoint on the word that is supposed to be defined. It also probably has to do with most kids there would downvote anything seemingly religious or otherwise conflicting with their views.

    • harmony April 29, 2009 at 8:25 AM #

      quoting kate: “I’d like to pose the following question:
      What criteria do you think entries on Urban Dictionary get rated up by?

      It isn’t the correct spelling, nor the morality of the post. It’s by the most accurate definition.”

      i agree that the definitions are rated primarily for accuracy. but i suspect you are pointing this out in order to imply that, therefore, the readers of urbandictionary.com do not in general have a humorous attitude towards donkey-punching, or a downright pro-donkey-punching attitude. and that, therefore, the views expressed on urbandictionary.com’s donkey punching page are not an indication that this generation finds rape and violence against females laughable.

      but if you pay attention to the definitions, in and of themselves, it becomes quite clear that this is exactly what is indicated. if the point were just to provide an accurate definition of donkey punch, there would be no need for the following:

      – “if she coughs up blood thats 10 points!!” included in the definition

      – continuous use of the word “bitch” to refer to females

      – defining the “donkey swing”, an even more creative and elaborate and revolting way to degrade the victim

      – in the last definition, use of the word “you”, which normalizes that “you, the reader” would do or want to do something like this. (i doubt this pronoun would be used for describing things considered “faggoty” or undesirable.) there are also instructions in this last definition, to make sure “you” know how to do it right.

  27. Maggie April 28, 2009 at 6:00 PM #

    I would bet there are now more and more men who attempt a “donkey-punch” on their girlfriends, wives, etc in real life.

    This brings us to the next question: If this sort of assault is more and more practised, how come there aren’t more women reporting it?

    Well, we already know of two facts from feminist anti-VAW organizations who have debuked rape myths: 1) Most men who are sexually abusive to women are no strangers to them: they are their boyfriends, husbands, etc. and 2) The vast majority of sexual assaults are never reported to the police because of prevalent societal woman-blaming, self-blaming & victim-blaming.

    Moreover, “donkey-punch” likely causes a lot of physical harm. We already know that many battered women have to mentally shut out all the physical violence that’s been done to them from their conscious mind as a coping mechanism. Some are also often scared of other people’s reactions to what they went through if they reported anything, in a woman-blaming society. Others even get Stockholm Syndrome and therefore defend their abusers or they rationalize what happened to them (e.g.”Oh, he is not that evil”, “Things aren’t that bad after all,” etc).

    Now, how does a victim of “donkey-punch” ever reports what happened to her? In a society in which the vast majority of rape victims & battered women are already either blamed or not believed, how does she report it? In a society in which physical/sexual assault victims are constantly psychologically dissociating from the pain they’re going through in order to cope/survive male violence and domination, how does she report it? In a society in which the vast majority of men tacitly hate women & perpetrate or condone violence against us, how does she report it? Within a pornified culture that is endlessly portraying women & girls as “‘fuck-objects who want/love to be treated roughly sexually by men,” how does she report it?

    She can’t. That’s simple. The patriarchal society would massively burden her with all the oppressive feelings of self-shaming, self-blaming, pain, distress, fear and/or psychological denial as a coping mechanism. Not to mention the fact that “donkey-punch” may cause brain-damage, as quoted in your piece, Nine…

  28. harmony April 29, 2009 at 7:09 AM #

    good stuff. looking forward to the rest of the series. this will be good for my students when i eventually become a high school teacher. i remember thinking (until i was 19!) that sexism was sooo over and feminists were a bunch of whiners who didn’t realize we had real problems and real oppression to deal with in the world. i suspect most teenage girls and young women feel the same way. (and probably many older women, too.)

  29. lynx May 7, 2009 at 2:03 AM #

    Young men learning about sex usually get it wrong in our culture, i think at least partly because all the role models available are fucked up. it’s not like there’s any significant popular representation of sex in films / advertising / tv / etc that *isn’t* fucked up in some way. domination is eroticized, egalitarianism is looked down on. so boys do their best to be what they think society wants them to be – misogynistic “alpha” males who dominate the women in their lives. failing that, they settle for resentment and the more subtle but no less misogynistic “nice guy” approach.

    it seems to me that the big problem is that image of what is desirable / ideal / normal. and that’s why blogs that speak out on this type of issue and say “hey! this is fucked up! not ok!” are important.

    long story short: go you.

  30. buttersisonlymyname May 8, 2009 at 7:37 AM #

    Thanks for posting this. I had never heard of ‘donkey punching’, but when I saw the UD entries, as one commentator above said: a piece of my soul died a little.

  31. Roxie May 17, 2009 at 2:31 PM #

    Absolutely agreed with everything you said in this post.

    I used to hang out on a gaming forum http://forums.shoryuken.com/forumdisplay.php?f=3

    where they routinely made jokes about violence towards women. I would try looking at the joke from every detachment and angle I could think of. Sure I must’ve been missing something if they could find it so rip-roaring hilarious and I couldn’t even muster a half-smile.

    I thought something was wrong with *me* for not finding it funny. When I asked why they, males from the ages of 15-30 found it so funny, they couldn’t explain it to me. After asking several times and stating I didn’t think the “throw her down the stairs” jokes where hilarious, I was finally able to see it was them, NOT I who had the issue with comedy.

    I became the loud, opinionated womanist/feminist without a sense of humor and inability to let the misogynist, racist, sexist, and homophobic stuff slide.

    Eventually I was chased off the forum by someone I knew IRL whom I considered a friend. It was only then I could see it for the poison it really, truly is.

    • isme May 18, 2009 at 2:03 PM #

      I know how that feels. It’s not much fun to be that annoying nag pointing out that some things really aren’t funny.

  32. Jennifer Farley August 17, 2009 at 12:05 PM #

    Thank you for writing this. You betcha sadistic attacks on women are seen as fun and fair by men – I was tag-team terrorized by an endless supply of unwell people in what is destined to be a landmark case of why society needs new protections against organized cyber bullying. After reading your piece about the Donkey Punch, I am more convinced than ever that sexual depravity has become acceptable. Best wishes, Jennifer Farley

  33. Emalina August 17, 2009 at 1:36 PM #

    This is just sick…

  34. harmony September 3, 2009 at 5:38 AM #

    9 deuce, can one of the parts in this series be on ‘tentacle rape’ and ‘guro’, the two most horrible genres of porn ever? (both hentai genres) if you haven’t already seen ‘guro’, you might want to avoid it, because there is the risk that of having a breakdown. or of shooting somebody.

    • Nine Deuce September 12, 2009 at 3:26 AM #

      I may do that. I’ll put it on the list.

      • James September 12, 2009 at 5:53 AM #

        Guro is a version of Kill Bill you are expected to masturbate over.

        • harmony September 12, 2009 at 8:02 AM #

          it makes kill bill seem like an after school special. heck, it makes ted bundy seem like an after school special. no kidding.

        • harmony September 12, 2009 at 8:08 AM #

          really, i just see guro as the logical conclusion on the extreme end of the spectrum of bdsm. even in cases where the acts would result in or require murder, it’s not impossible that someone would consent to being murdered in a grotesque manner, and they could even talk some bullshit about how this is also safe (if someone chooses to die, it’s not unsafe to allow someone to help you carry this out) and sane (who is anyone else to say you are insane for wanting to die?).

          that’s one problem with bdsm as opposed to other types of “alternative” sexualities, whether they be non-vanilla or non-hetero. if balloons turn someone on, i can’t see anything wrong with too much balloonage going on during sex. and i obviously can’t see anything wrong with being extremely gay. but guro should make it obvious even to bdsm-ers that there is such thing as too much sadism, consensual or not. which should make us question sadism in general.

          • winter_lights September 12, 2009 at 1:35 PM #

            Okay, I’m actually pretty violently repulsed by BDSM, but I think you’re stretching the ideas of safety and sanity way too far. (And I haven’t been lead to believe that guro typically involves consent to begin with.)

            Guro’s actually one of those things that seems to be way too far off the deep end for most people. So, looking at it might tell you that there are some screwed up persons around, but that’s hardly a surprise.

            Tentacle rape, on the other hand, is distressingly common. I’m not quite sure what makes it one of the “most horrible genres”. To me, it’s no different than any other kind of rape. In fact, casual observation makes me think less new tentacle rape is being animated, but the overall amount of rape is the same. Tentacles in a consensual situation I have no problem with; it’s the rape that bothers me.

            • isme September 13, 2009 at 9:45 AM #

              “Tentacles in a consensual situation I have no problem with”

              Does seem rather zoophilic, though.

          • James September 13, 2009 at 7:34 AM #

            There are people who are into balloons, actually. Just enjoy watching sexy women (or the gays enjoy men, I guess) blow them up. The benign kind of inflation porn, I suppose (if you don’t know the other kind I wouldn’t recommend finding out, there’s guro levels of ickness; although much like guro it’s almost entirely a drawn genre).

            There is a schism, however, amongst that genre: they’re divided over whether once the woman is done she’s meant to pop it or use it like a lover. To be ecumenical about things I’d suggest they could meet in the middle, but they’ve never asked me.

            Incidentally, if you don’t have a Dutch friend you should really look into getting one, they’re handy for expanding your knowledge in fields like this. See also: explaining the difference between an unguligrade & a digitigrade.

      • harmony September 12, 2009 at 8:11 AM #

        really, though. i really do warn you to be careful. it might actually make you sick in more than one way. i don’t know how much you have looked into this or how much you have seen of it. but if you were comparing it merely to kill bill, i feel like you haven’t seen the worst of the worst or even gone below the surface of how horrible it can get.

        • James September 13, 2009 at 7:30 AM #

          I used to use Chans quite a bit, Harmony, you don’t need to worry about me not having seen much guro.

  35. harmony September 3, 2009 at 5:39 AM #

    oops, sorry. put comment in wrong place.

  36. Immir March 20, 2010 at 8:13 AM #

    I can’t believe people could disagree on this topic. It’s so clear & obvious.

    When I was at school, boys would tell me about these ‘hilarious’ acts- like donkey punching, the angry dragon & the instant cow-girl.

    This was before my thoughts were clear enough to defend myself properly, but I did end up saying to them that guys wanted to punish women for something… and that it seemed like they hated us.

  37. Nico July 29, 2010 at 2:30 AM #

    Spot on. I am ashamed to be called a man in a world such as this, and I wholeheartedly endorse lesbianism, because men won’t learn unless women refuse to have sex with them……and I mean millions of women united in that conviction. Men SUCK.

  38. kristina August 3, 2010 at 5:22 PM #

    I think I’m going to invent a sexual maneuver in which I punch a guy’s face as he’s going to cum in hopes that it will be a good method of birth control, women everywhere would use it!!! It’s fun, men don’t want to have to deal with babies anyway. Look he’s peacefully sleeping after I knocked his brains out…he’s fine!!!
    Yuck, even the thought of doing that to a human being no matter how hard I try to justify it is disgusting to me… yiiiiiick!!!

  39. joy August 3, 2010 at 9:41 PM #

    I dunno, kristina, I like the idea when turned around on men.

    But of course in order to give the maneuver, I’d have to be having sex with a man. Automatic no go, right there.

  40. kristina August 4, 2010 at 9:21 PM #

    joy, when I think of the actual context considering all the suffering women go through…yea I can see it as justifiable…but when I step back and really look at it, for what it is…violence just because of one’s gender, I’d much rather come out smelling like roses instead of “turning the tables” on my oppressor… Not to say I don’t have a violent side…my husband knows damn well if he ever hit me, it’s fucking ON!!! He says I’m one of the few women in his life that he is physically afraid of, and this man is no string bean…We used to get in physical altercations, but we worked our stuff out and matured together…

  41. joy August 5, 2010 at 3:03 PM #

    I don’t like men. I think that men need to be on the receiving end of gender-based violence for as long as it takes for them to cut out the gender-based violence.

    Although this is really more of an intellectually based argument than a practicality-based argument. Could I ever punch someone in the face? Probably not.

    I failed at even punching the dude who used to punch me (and I hated). I’m glad the cops finally came and put him in jail (after he tried to kill a man, of course).

  42. lizor August 6, 2010 at 11:19 AM #

    I’m kind of with Joy on this one. I often wonder why, when women are the recipients of so much violence, why more of us are not responding with the same.

    If all women started really hurting men who attack us, it may change some behaviours.

  43. kristina August 6, 2010 at 12:17 PM #

    I can tell you from experience that it does lead to a change of behaviors, but I also believe it’s easy to get caught up in such behaviors.
    I was raised in a masculine environment, and was encouraged to fight, I was considered abnormal in highschool and didn’t get many dates. (it hurt at the time, but in hindsight was the best thing for me). I was praised in sports by parents and coaches who wished their girls had the aggressive style of competing that I did, which led to more estrangement, not to mention the backhanded compliments I often received as praise.
    When I graduated and moved out and started to create my own style of dress tailored to comfort and my aggressive sporty nature, I often got labeled as a lesbian at first glance from guys, which at that time being comfortable with who I was was something I took pride in. I eventually met my husband, and started to try to appeal to him by being more girly, apparently he equated that with weak. He was appalled yet turned on that I would angrily stand up for whatever I believed in, no matter what. He resorted to more passive aggressive means to get to me, and being raised to be a dominant personality I ended up throwing the first punch…call me what you will think of me what you want… he eventually learned to own up to the shit he was flinging and realized when he took responsibility he was no longer a victim (no I’m not advocating violence, what I did was wrong and a fight or flight response, it was not maliciously planned out). I think many women who express violence towards their men though they haven’t been hit have experienced something similar to what I have..think about it, porn is a passive aggressive means to anger/hurt a woman…men play the victim all the time and they never own up to their bullshit…being a victim is beneficial to them, calling them on their bullshit in a language they understand is cruel…but why is it cruel to speak the language of dominance if it is something that is so revered by men?

  44. Hecate August 17, 2010 at 9:56 PM #

    Spot on again Joy. Your comments are wonderfully concise and to the point. I have always thought that we as a society are far too politically correct and polite when discussing male violence, which pretty much adds up to excusing their behavior altogether.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with a community standing up and calling an ape an ape, and finding a proper way to dispose of him. We have not been able to do this with our laws, which are made by men anyway, so we need to have community-based solutions. Maybe a kind of neighborhood watch made up only of women? We’ve got to look out for each other. Men certainly could care less if women live or die. And clearly, from ND’s research, they are actively looking for the most heinous and disgusting ways to murder us every day and doing so from a very young age.

  45. Kelly April 17, 2011 at 5:04 AM #

    These idiots do know that women can tighten their orifices to get a similar sensation, right? But why simply ask for her to do a simple action when you can punch her in the head in the hope it shocks her body to do it. It’s clearly easier to do it that way. No it’s not about sex, it about being an asshole. Has anyone actuay done this? if so they no sense of dignity or reality they are a menace to society.

  46. isme April 18, 2011 at 12:02 AM #

    “Has anyone actuay done this?”

    Apparently it happens. Personally I suspect that the term comes first, some people think up some awesome and hilarious new form of abuse, it gets spread around by various people (who know it’s just a joke and totally aren’t misogynistic in anyway in real life so you stupid bitches should fuck off and die) until people start trying it out.

    Which, of course, is no evidence of any sort of rape culture, because I personally think sexism is funny, but haven’t been convicted of rape (yet), which somehow proves feminism is totally wrong on all points.

  47. C.Lee August 10, 2012 at 8:38 AM #

    Maybe I’m just having mixed reactions to the article and comments. I fully agree with the disturbing fact that many males do not respect and openly encourage hatred and (completely fucked up acts) against women. However, the BDSM community is safe and sane. Of course there are some extremists in any society but in my experience I am treated with more humility and respect towards my sexuality (and person) than in most vanilla relationships. Ok yeah, I like to be called a slut and have anal sex but my Dom only does these things because he wants to fulfill my fantasies…not to actually hurt me. I do not have some psychological disorder due to this…I don’t think I’m actually a slut or a whore. My Dom appreciates me for my personality as well as my sexual desires. I am encouraged to go out with my friends, complete my master’s degree, and become active in my community. He has more respect for me than most guys on the street. Yeah…still don’t like getting cat called by construction workers.

    Ok so maybe it’s a tangent. But as a female who watches porn daily and is active in the BDSM community I find it disrespectful to be criticized by outsiders who believe the root cause of evil in males stems from our sub-culture.

    And inb4 you were brainwashed…yeah that doesn’t happen

  48. isme August 11, 2012 at 9:07 AM #

    “However, the BDSM community is safe and sane.”

    Um…how is this true of the BDSM community, when it is not true of more or less any other?

  49. lizor August 12, 2012 at 12:15 PM #

    “I find it disrespectful to be criticized by outsiders who believe the root cause of evil in males stems from our sub-culture.”

    Please point out where ND or anyone here has said that “the root cause of evil in males stems from BDSM culture”. Surly if you are working at a Masters level your reading comprehension should be such that you would not misquote or misrepresent other’s writing, especially on the same page!

    Further, if you so resent criticism of your “culture” from “outsiders”, where do you get off dismissing inb4’s experience? Do you seriously purport to be cognizant of every single sadomasochistic interaction in the past couple of decades? Where do get off, C. Lee, making such ridiculous assertions?

  50. lizor August 12, 2012 at 12:16 PM #

    That should read “Where do you get off, C. Lee…”

  51. michael william lockhart October 13, 2012 at 12:31 AM #

    ANY PERSON THAT ENGAGES IN THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR SHOULD, WHILE HE IS SERVING AN APPROPRIATE SENTENCE, HAVE HIS PENIS SURGICALLY REMOVED.

  52. L April 6, 2009 at 5:00 AM #

    Well, ffs, isn’t that the longest pingback ever? Weird. Anyway, thanks for this post. I’m not really looking forward to the rest of this series, for obvious reasons, but I do think this kind of blogging is important.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Must-Read Link Round-Up « Editorializing the Editors - April 5, 2009

    [...] “The World Hates People with Vaginas, Part 1: The Donkey Punch” at Rage Against the Manchine: A depressing, eye-opening post on the extent to which rape culture will go to ensure the male orgasm. The entry for “donkey punch” brings up seven pages of results. Here are some samples: while banging ur bitch in the anus u proceed to then punch her in the back of the head… if she coughs up blood thats 10 points!! i fucked my bestfriends bitch and donkey punched the hell out of that bitch The ratio on that one was 4:1, thumbs-up:thumbs-down. Another charmer: The lesser known and even lesser appreciated version of the Donkey Punch, wherein you perform the normal acts of a donkey punch but then proceed to grab onto a ceiling fan and swing around over her unconscious body, trying to shit in her mouth. “Man, sex with Michelle has been getting boring lately”  “Have you tried to donkey punch?”  “Yeah, it doesn’t help.”  “How about the donkey swing?”  “Bitchin!!” 17:9. One more: Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head as hard as you can. This gives a tremendous sensation. But for it to work correctly, the girl must be completely knocked out, so that her asshole tightens up uncontrollably. Last night, when I got back from the game I donkey punched Jenny, twice. “Impossibly Beautiful” at Shakesville: A transcript of a video examining the damaging effects of photo re-touching in the name of “perfection.” Epstein/Voiceover: So, if not even the models themselves can really measure up to their own images, what does this mean?  Demasi: This has caused a problem. This is an issue in the world. It’s not like I can sit here and say, “Well, you know, well, then if everybody who’s affected by this, they’re—they’re, you know, they’re just weak and they’re bound to have social and mental problems.” That’s not the case. I’m aware that this is something that, you know, is at ground level where, you know, people are seeing this and they’re growing up with these being their icons and their images. “Actual Rape Victim Jailed for ‘False Report’” by Cara at the Curvature. [...]

  2. Our ‘Post-Feminist’ Age « Yes and no - May 8, 2009

    [...] This. Enough [...]

  3. Our ‘Post-Feminist’ Age « Bazm-e Rindaan - May 8, 2009

    [...] This. Enough [...]

  4. Our ‘Post-Feminist’ Age « Bazm-e-Rindaan - May 14, 2009

    [...] This. Enough said.  [...]

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