Countless levels of disturbing there…

I’m speaking not from a feminist perspective but a mental health perspective. Many people who have suffered abuse (all kinds of abuse not just sexual) in the past recreate the abuse both by abusing and being abused, this arrangement seems like a possible outlet for it. I dont know every individuals circumstances but I can say that something is wrong with a persons phyche to accept 24/7 sex slave arrangement. Its not something a mentally balanced person would willingly agree to (regardless if you are the slave or master). I’ve read her blog and she does every ‘Sir’ wants, when, wants and exactly how he wants in fact she says she fornuate that he ‘lets’ her have equal power in raising their children……is this for real? She says that he’s a less extreme domme and treats her by comparsion ‘nicely’ it horrifies me to think that there other people who are more extreme than this.    

Honestly her husband is…. well I don’t want personalize but I don’t think highly of him. In a healthy relationship should an arguement end with you hogtied and nipple clamped in the livingroom then the images sent to another domme. It’s emotional terrorism. I can see some homosociality in the BDSM, it’s a sick macho posturing ‘look how powerful I am and notice how much sex I get’ coupled with unbelievable abuse  obviously this get him more status within his social circle who are also bdsmers. She then writes how SHE was out of line, she has written that she HAS to do things she doesn’t like because she’s his ‘slave’, drop everything at whim to literally service him that’s not consent. The slave may have loyalty to the master but it’s is often conflicted just like someone abused by a ‘regular’ abuser someone who is supposed to love them, who tell you the victim they love and care for them it may be so but that doesnt mean that they arent abusers. Just because it is arranged doesn’t doesn’t mean it’s not abuse

However, what “consent” really means has been the subject of multiple other blog posts, and all I can really say about the idea of consent is: LOL, if only it actually existed (or meant anything).

The entire Master/Slave is based upon exchanging your personhood for kink. This plays right into the hands of domineering, sadistic, abusive pychopaths. Lets see the similarities between a ‘Master’ and the run off the mill abuser (this applies to both genders and gay permanent M/s relationships)  treating your partner as if they aren’t an adult, dimissing and disregarding them, having excuses made for you, misplacing fault and anger on your partner while they accept the fault, overreacting agressively to minor things or things that dont warrant anger, acting agressively when you are ‘challenged’, being egotisical, devising ways to punish your partner for ‘offenses’  and taking glee in it,  being emotionally callous, micromanaging, controlling major decisions without regard for you partner, expecting your partner to obey your every whim with no regard to the partner, belittling and undermining, having little empathy or concern for you partner only doing so for self-serving purposes, mind games, not showing mercy on your partner during difficult times (pregnancy, injury, emotional issues) and stopping you partner from living a normal life among other things. If you are walking on eggshells around your partner something is definetly wrong. 

 Some of them fulltime M/s couples have children, I can only hope for the healthy development of these children. How are they going to explain that they can sit on the toilet seat but when mummy does it daddy gets angry? (one couple does this I don’t know how they’ll potty train like this) This not good for a child, Even if they try and keep it away from them they will see the dynamic and normalize it. Just because they don’t see daddy whipping mummy doesn’t mean the won’t see other things, monkey see monkey do.   

Also I’m not impressed with socialisation I’ve heard about in the community, pressing the boundaries to insane levels doing more than you are comfortable or capable of just impress others and gain social status within the community. Isn’t that against the safe, sane, consensual rule of the community, does it not dilute and  regress the practice, shouldn’t these attitudes be explicitly and implictly discouraged when encountered or is it not as important as it is the community likes everyone believe. 

People keep saying that the permanent M/s relationship is a sexual preference, so but it’s more than that it’s a ‘lifestyle preference’. This more than just kinky sex, you can be tied up and whipped under strict rules with a safeword then go home and live the rest of your life, but for fulltime slave this is your life. Exchanging your personhood to live the thumb of another person is not a kink it’s insane. Its taking roleplaying and kink and applying to every aspect of your life 24/7, nobody should live like that it’s beyond ridculous. This shouldn’t be the basis of a relationship.

 Its clear to me that they aren’t really in control if the ‘slave’ is under the ‘master’ all the time, it’s an exuse for abuse. I’m not against BDSM (I’m not a fan) any sexual activities that have truly equal, consensual (as in true consent)  partners under controlled, safe circumstances is their business. Submitting to someone completely is what I have issue with the instrumentality of it disgusts and worries me. What is the pathology of some who wants to become an extention of someones will, how is that fufilling?          

I’ve read some submissive blogs and I’m appaulled at the pychological, emotional and physical abuse that they ‘submit’ to; even using a computer is a ‘privilege’. From I’ve read many of the ‘slaves’ don’t enjoy many aspects of their relationship but feel they must out of obligation to their ‘master’ or believe they deserve mistreatment (not because they enjoy it rather as a self imposed punishment) This itself is not true consent it’s a handing over blank check and crossing your fingers. Ongoing negoitating Is important during sex but don’t  live your life under a psuedo-sexual role play. When D/s applies outside of sexual activity it’s no longer fantasy or roleplay it becomes the real dynamics in the relationship.    

 I’m not a phychologist but I believe many fulltime ‘slaves’ are suffering from battered person syndrome and possibly had emotional issues to start with. I know people are going to jump down my throat for saying that but honestly it’s true. Ongoing abuse and degradation especially on this level negatively affects the pyche. Being abused negatively impacts on people so a Master/Slave relationship (regardless of the genders) is not exempt from this. ‘Consent’ doesn’t mean that emotional damage is impossible. If people could completely control how the pyche reacts we’d be able withstand all sorts horrific things with ease but the brain doesn’t work like that way (disassociative disorder doesn’t count). The logical doesn’t completely erase the emotional.            

That description of “sub drop” is very interesting. “Sub drop” sounds exactly like the reactions of abused people.

Well, yeah, pretty much. Personally I actually do not critique bdsm from a purely feminist point of view. As a South Asian who is grounded in the philosophical traditions of my part of the world, which happen to discourage mindless hedonism, I argue against bdsm from an ethical perspective that sees the very acts of dominance and submission in and of themselves to be inherently disrespectful, and would suggest that this kind of emphasis on pleasure at the expense of relational self-giving and self-sacrifice is intrinsically selfish. You might say that a dom “gives” to the sub and vice versa, but I would not consider those kinds of “possessive generosities” selfless in any way, at least by the standards of the South Asian philosophical traditions.

The best I can say about bdsm is that it is (a) a parody of power relations in mainstream society; and (b) a set of coping strategies that makes it easier to manage one’s need to dominate or submit in a safer way than might be the case if one merely repressed such tendencies. I still find it ethically highly questionable though.

And I have to wonder about the health aspect as well. Empirical studies do show that people interested in bdsm are generally bored, nihilistic, escapist, etc. (see a book called “Mapping desire: geographies of sexualities”). To me it just seems like a lot of bdsm is a way to artificially create extreme sensations in the absence of a self-sustaining, rich inner life, and a set of activities that encourage mindless hedonism in the name of escapism from the apparent drudgery of daily life.

Isn’t that more or less always the point of domination, though? To elevate oneself about humanity by lowering others?

Though, this isn’t really my field.