Comments on: Please, somebody, come and defend Kink.com. I triple-dog dare you.

By: VWFringe

VWFringe — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 11:20:42 +0000

I’ve seen a lot of intolerance here, so as asked in the OP, I’m a steppin’ up for the challenge of defending a corporation called Kink.com….
Bondage porn, and other kinks, ultimately provide a focused fantasy framework, and clear and compelling narratives, which help some with focus and attention difficulty have orgasms which are loosely bound to the internal reward system (cortico-lymbic dopamine)…which may be the closest thing to a normal orgasm, which is directly bound to the reward system, they’ve ever experienced. It is perhaps a way of manufacturing intimacy. and it may seem odd to you that anyone would believe that by doing those things they would experience love, or anything like it, but that is exactly the experience they’re going for, and you should be a little more tolerant of those of us who have difficulty with paying attention to anything long enough to have an orgasm, let alone the whole inability-to-access-the-internal-reward-system for more than a few moments. Orgasms in ADHD mode pretty much suck. Speaking as someone who had to completely retrain myself with regards to tastes in porn a couple of years ago, I can see more clearly than most the problems we are causing as a society by making it so easy for so many young women to have their faces and sometimes identities made available for so long on the Internet. Imagine the secret you must carry after that, and the energy it must take to maintain it, the fear it might generate, the jobs and avenues one might avoid subliminally to avoid discovery. All of these people deserve our inclusion…there is a place for the porn and models who are paid to act in them, and there is a place for anti-porn activism, which intelligently targets those sites which encourage mis-treatment or trafficking of women, like Kink, when they go to Yugoslavia and hire models who are not a part of the life-style, pay them peanuts and slave them around town because they can get away with it. Well, I can’t fully support Kink, it is a corporation, and starting to act like one

By: ilikekink

ilikekink — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 23:31:49 +0000

ND, reading over some of your responses to other posters I see you criticize them for using personal anecdotes to back up their claims, and I realize my previous post does just that. I want to defend myself by saying I think that’s totally unfair. You’re in charge, this whole blog is you’re sounding-board for your opinions and the opinions of like-minded individuals, there’s nothing wrong with that at all. But there isn’t a whole lot, none that I know of, truly accurate statistical information about women’s sexual experiences and preferences. So, naturally, a good deal of our knowledge about women’s sexuality comes from ourselves, as women. It seems very one-sided to ignore those opinions just because they’re personal experiences.

By: ilikekink

ilikekink — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 22:59:32 +0000

I’ve never posted a response on a blog before, and I’ve never read this blog before I came across this article. The reason I’m posting now is not because I want to “start a fight,” I absolutely understand what your problem with this site and sites like it is. It seems like your major problem with this site is that it infringes on the women’s rights. And I think there’s something you must not realize, I’m only going to speak from personal experience because I don’t want to speak for the models featured on that site, but this is what I have to say. I’m a woman, 19, I’m beautiful, happy, totally independent, educated, I had a great (not altogether average but none the less great) childhood, I was never beaten or neglected, and I’m very satisfied with my life. And I love kink.com. I love sex, and I love to fantasize about being sexually tortured and raped. I would feel unheard and neglected if sites like kink were banned, because I know there are other women out there like me, who want to be pushed to their limits. The difference between sites like kink and organizations that traffic young women against their will is that the women featured on kink have a safe word. That may seem small but it means that while the women may fight and struggle, they absolutely don’t want it to stop. Kink doesn’t pay more than other porn sites, they don’t pay transportation, not to mention it isn’t exactly the most glamorous way to pay your bills if that’s your goal. No, the female models featured on kink may have turned to porn in general to satisfy a monetary need, but they chose kink.com intentionally because they like it. You keep mentioning the horrible men who wank off to a woman being choked, am I a horrible woman for asking a boyfriend to choke me during sex? Or for fantasizing about something more extreme? I know you’re trying to condemn the men involved with kink but I think you’re doing the women a disservice. Because, since you don’t understand their sexual desires, you assign them roles as victims. I think a big indicator that they aren’t is the number of them who chose to appear multiple times, on multiple kink sub-sites. If you feel that the men who watch this type of porn ought to be condemned… well, all I can say about that is that you’re probably in the majority in almost every social, but to say that the men are wrong and the women are victims is silly, because the women have just as much say in rather or not to participate as the men and, in my case at least, enjoy it just as much.

By: joy

joy — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 22:13:15 +0000

“As much as men claim to value submissiveness in women, they secretly despise it. It’s a quality they associate with inferiority & weakness… yet they demand it from women. When you think about it, it’s almost as if they are challenging us to defy them. Perhaps they actually want women to take over, but their male ego wont allow them to openly express this desire? ;)”

I’ve been acting on that for a little while now. They complain and resist at first, but it’s all about working on their boundaries, teaching them what they really want but have been too afraid to admit to themselves all along.

All snark aside, yes, except I think men demand submissiveness from women so that they can feel justified in hating and oppressing us. Of course, they hate it when we defy them too (I’ve nearly been choked to death by a stranger on the street over a discussion of *history*, and that’s just one example), but like Hecate said — I’d choose humanity, and asserting my humanity, over licking somebody’s boots (literally or figuratively) any day.
It will please my heart when more, if not all, women agree.

By: Hecate

Hecate — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 17:11:44 +0000

You make some excellent points, Sugarpuss. Anyone who is entitled, and has experienced ‘total power’ as you describe it, has nothing left to do but play mind games out of boredom and also just because they can, which inevitably does come with side effects like insanity. Men do not have to behave like human beings or treat women as such – they’ve never had to. In spite of all the entitlement, I don’t envy them, as Erica Jong used to say she did, for example. Why? Because I will choose the human option every time, if only for the sake of sanity and good karma. If men are isolated, depressed or bored as a result of the pedestal society has always had them up on, it is well-deserved and I for one will never feel sorry for them. If they want to run around like that shithead from the novel ‘American Psycho,’ terrorizing everyone and also living a pretty meaningless life themselves, it’s all on them. Women are not responsible for the mess they’ve created and should not have to continue ‘playacting’ in a playpen with them. And they say wimmin are drama queens!

By: Sugarpuss

Sugarpuss — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 09:50:30 +0000

Jane said:

Remember, you are dealing with those who are operating on Mind control, to create a willing slave IS IN FACT, MIND CONTROL…forget what the proponents say, if their handler told them to eat shit–THEY’D DO IT.

LOL Classic. I couldn't have said it better myself. Former Slave said:

No sane person can take any pleasure in the pain and terror of another human being who has been taught or trained to mix that pain and terror with sexual excitement.

Indeed. I'm convinced that most men are insane. It's a side-effect of total power. The BSDM scene is all about reminding women of our place in society, and testing our limits. And, ironically enough, it's also about punishing "the whore" for submitting herself to such treatment in the first place. As much as men claim to value submissiveness in women, they secretly despise it. It's a quality they associate with inferiority & weakness... yet they demand it from women. When you think about it, it's almost as if they are challenging us to defy them. Perhaps they actually want women to take over, but their male ego wont allow them to openly express this desire? ;)

By: sneeky bunny

sneeky bunny — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 03:07:44 +0000

Ok Joy, again, who are you talking about? Who here exactly has said anything remotely like this:

“Oh, poor darlings, just go talk among yourselves about your bad doms, we’ll allow you.”

Where are all these doms telling Former Slave to run her forum on the down low?

Because if I may remind you, it was you yourself that suggested on June 28th that any support forum that Former Slave might start, and I quote,
“would probably have to be[a] private, invite-only, word-of-mouth type of thing.”
Not me.
Not Bean.
You.

Now personally, I agree with Skeptifem that if Former Slave followed that model it would be very difficult for those who might really need such a resource to find it. And again, the technology is out there to allow any level of security she might wish to have, so it’s not like she would have to skulk about in the shadows. Her story could, if she so desired, have a very large audience, and I challenge you to find any regular poster here who has in any way tried to discourage Former Slave from speaking out about her experience.

And the idea that anyone here labors under the delusion that Former Slave needs the permission of strangers on the internet to do anything she might choose, is just so much fiddle faddle.

I don’t doubt for a second that Former Slave has heard all the arguments you’ve quoted, but she hasn’t heard them on this blog.

By: joy

joy — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:38:47 +0000

FormerSlave, oh yes, all these things you’ve said.

“You were just doing it wrong.”
“You must’ve just got an asshole/bad dom.”
“You’re just a bad slave/you’re not REALLY a sub.”
“Maybe if you tried being a domme!”
“You just didn’t open up your mind enough.”

“Oh, poor darlings, just go talk among yourselves about your bad doms, we’ll allow you.”

It’s all so much pathetic bullshit. They don’t realize how they prove our points whenever they talk. It makes me physically sick to listen to their spiel too.

By: sneeky bunny

sneeky bunny — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 01:08:51 +0000

Ok, you were the one who said that every time people who had left BDSM tried to talk about it on line that their sites were invaded by those who were threatening, and they were forced into silence consequently. Everyone here has been universally supportive in trying to help you find a way to build an online community that would be shielded from that. You can set it up as securely as you feel comfortable. If you would like people to be able to read it by invitation only, the technology is there. If on the other hand you desire a wider readership, but wish to keep out the trolls, that is doable as well. I don’t recall anyone indicating that you needed permission from anyone to do so, or attempting to silence you. As I said, you seem to feel that you, and others who have been similarly traumatized are not being heard. Everyone here thinks that you should be heard. That’s right! Even me, the sneaky bunny.

By: Former Slave

Former Slave — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 05:48:31 +0000

Thank you. It’s really hard. I’ve been quite ill over just being able to say this.

I really APPRECIATE that they have given me PERMISSION to go start some nice PRIVATE place for me to talk with other former subs and slaves about our terrible experiences – where no one else can hear about the hideous way they treated us.

This after reading some long whining spiel by “sex positive” woman who resents hearing waterboarding and genital shocking (at kink dot com of course) described as “torture”. “It can’t be torture if it is consensual!” I am convinced such people have lost every last shred of humanity. It is completely indefensible to stand up for “the right” to treat another human being this way, even if you have broken their soul down to such ashes that they beg for it. No sane person can take any pleasure in the pain and terror of another human being who has been taught or trained to mix that pain and terror with sexual excitement.