Exactly. If some women could read men’s minds they would think differently about the ‘power’ of their choices.

The thing is, WHILE I was trapped thusly, I insisted on the same bullshit. Why? Because I couldn’t stand to be alive, otherwise. It was among the implements in my psychological toolbox that I relied on to keep from killing myself. Nobody wants to be a victim. Nobody wants to admit that they are being harmed. You don’t want to think of yourself as vulnerable, weak, being hurt – especially not when you are trapped in a situation in which you can only expect to further exploitation, harm and injury in both the near and far forecast. I can’t begin to list the cascade of negative updates to the self-image that become true when you finally admit that there’s nothing even remotely neutral (let alone positive) in being used as a public human toilet. It’s a psychological defense mechanism, and it’s extremely effective and therefore equally difficult to relinquish.

Robert Jensen referred to this in his book, Getting Off. In relating the story of being at a porn convention speaking to the mother of the poor young woman, he describes (to his later shame and regret) demanding if the mother had wanted this for her daughter when her daughter was a little girl. He was ashamed of himself later, when he realized that in trying to get the mother to acknowledge that what was happening to her daughter was harmful and wrong, he was trying to get the mother to withdraw her support for her daughter, which would have been devastating. Really, what do those of us exploited have? We’ve got enough self-shame as an instinctive reaction to the way men treat us when we are thusly abused. So the insistence on sex-positivity of sex work from sex workers is actually a refusal to allow further stigmatization. Believe me. If you don’t, just ask them if they’d want their daughter to do have to do it, too. If you can find a single person who says yes, I’ll give you five bucks.

I have no problems whatsoever condemning the users of these “services” monsters. And mind you, I was one of those so-called “high-class” escorts – aka, the sexual elite, who make up less than three percent of the sexually exploited and enslaved people out there. Check out http://www.prostitutionresearch.com (trigger) if you haven’t already (although it may make you want to just start stabbing people in the face and never stop.) It has numbers, charts, and studies on the people society cares about least: prostitutes.

I was a “choice” sex worker. I was an escort. Got paid $300 an hour. Lived in luxury apartments and contemplated suicide daily. I didn’t form addictions to drugs, but I certainly abused the hell out of them – the euphoria of speed, for example, or painkillers after being raped bloody and beaten black and blue. Just never the face, never permanently disfigured. I have PTSD and I hate males to this day. The prostitute sees humanity from the perspective of a human toilet. Anyone who uses either porn or prostitutes is a monster and as I have stated, should be drug into the street and shot.

Any questions?

The end.

If you’d like take a look at my site and see if you’d be comfortable with me using these questions to further the discussion on youtube. If not please let me know. Thank you ever so much for your blog and the effort you put into it, it is helping so many people.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

I don’t disagree with this, nor do I think what I’m about to say is an excuse, but my little sociological, analytical brain kind of solved this one right away (made sense to me, anyway).

I believe the reason this issue becomes so complicated and controversial among feminists and women, and the reason that many men are willing to quickly concede that porn and feminism don’t really jive is…drumroll, please…you’re asking these men about feminism (which they’re not all that invested in) and the actions of women (who they’re not), so it’s a lot easier for them to make a conclusive statement. It’s much easier to be black-and-white about a group of people you don’t belong to and a movement you don’t have any stake in. They’re able to say “yeah, I watch/engage with porn, even though it may not be the most empowering thing for women,” and not have their “sisterhood,” feminism, or plain ol’ self-worth called into question. Also, (heterosexual) men have the privilege of not having their sexuality, sexual behavior, and social status constantly analyzed, questioned, judged, etc. – it’s just the norm, the standard – so it’s much easier for them to ignore the complexities of sex, sex work, and feminism/misogyny.

Also the fact that the majority of sex workers and porn stars (especially the ones in question) happen to be female mucks it up a bit. I’m hesitant to attempt tell any woman, especially one that I don’t know personally, that she’s not a feminist if she feels like she is or thinks she is (men, on the other hand, seem to have no problem telling a woman exactly what category she belongs in). I straddle the fence on this whole sex and sex work in feminism issue (obviously), so that could be why, but I also think part of it is that, as women and feminists, we know what it’s like to have labels you don’t agree with forced on you, and we don’t like it. At all.

It just gets confusing and complicated. Obviously you know that there are women who are sex workers as well as women who, wrongly or rightly, watch porn and willingly engage in and enjoy what could be considered to be misogynist sexual practices, and also consider themselves feminists…and it typically doesn’t make a feminist feel all that great to be regarded as, or made to feel like, a co-conspirator in her own oppression – especially by another feminist, and especially when she’s doing these things voluntarily and feels as if she genuinely enjoys them. Again, I’m not saying that these women are or aren’t feminists, that this is wrong or right, that there isn’t an underlying element of coercion that these women aren’t willing to see, or that their “enjoyment” of these things is because of patriarchal conditioning. My real point here is that there are no men in this position having to defend themselves or even engage in this discussion.

Anyway, long story short, without making any kind of value judgments about the situation, that’s why I believe men will admit what you said they’ll admit and women have a harder time coming to a consensus – our actions and our belief in social justice are being called into question – not theirs. Did that make sense? I feel like that might not have made sense. Damnitt. Also, I didn’t read the comments, so if anybody else already noted this…sorry.

2. You hate them for wanting to use you, but what about you using them by proxy via porn? You take someone’s desire to use you as an affront to your humanity, as you should, but that should extend outward, too.

3. “I may be able to muster the selflessness to masturbate without the aid of abused sex workers. I’m sure I’m well on my way to sainthood.” That sounds sarcastic. It isn’t selfless to masturbate without the aid of abused sex workers, it’s just not inhumane.

5. As for the car thing, try to figure out why they don’t see past what they’re expected to see past. Our entire culture, as well as the advertising and marketing industries, are militating against it. It takes serious critical thinking skills to know why you shouldn’t do something everyone else is telling you to do. Same goes for gender roles, but multiplied by 1000.

6. Women’s options are limited by the fact that no matter what we do, who wants to do us is more important. See the way people talk about women in the public eye versus the way they talk about men in similar positions.