I’m staying in Atlanta for the summer. It’s often hot as fuck out, so I’m stuck inside once in awhile, where I have cable for the first time in about 3 years. I haven’t taken much advantage of it since I’ve been reading, writing blog posts, and doing a lot of schoolwork, but last night I did.
Let me start by saying that I know making fun of MTV is pretty easy. It’s obvious that MTV isn’t cool, that it ruins a lot of the coolest things about youth culture, and that it exists to the detriment of young people’s development. Although I agree with everything he said, I get terribly embarrassed whenever I hear recordings of Jello Biafra bloviating about how much MTV sucks. Listening to someone making fun of MTV is like reading old punk lyrics. It’s just so obvious, you know? But I have to.
Anyway, I don’t ever watch it, but last night I did and it was unfuckingbelievable. I watched three hours of it with another advanced scholar of 80s and 90s pop culture, and we were completely astonished at how insane things have become on that network, even in comparison with the asinine drivel we remember having seen on it as teenagers. Seriously, it blew my mind. I had to write about it.
As I sit here and listen to the greatest hits of Huey Lewis and the News (a fuckin’ hipster, I am), I am reminded of a simpler time. A time when parents didn’t want their kids to be promiscuous drunks, when hardly anyone got naked in front of strangers for no reason, when MTV just played questionable music videos instead of outright misogynistic borderline porn, when it was the men who were wearing attire that nearly exposed their genitalia and humping inanimate objects (Aerosmith, The Cult, etc.) in order to shock the audience rather than women doing so to avoid shocking the audience by not doing it. MTV was tame back then. As it is now, there isn’t a minute that goes by on MTV that doesn’t contain at least two of the following:
- People having sex. And I don’t mean the implication that people are humping, I mean video of people actually doing it, or video of people talking about having actually done it.
- Horrifically embarrassing stereotypes. These usually involve some woman or member of a minority group caricaturing himself/herself for the amusement of the audience.
- Emotional abuse. Nearly every program on MTV revolves around one member of a couple/love triangle/love octagon or a contestant for someone’s love being betrayed, humiliated, or emotionally abused.
- Alcohol abuse. The producers of MTV’s shows all know that booze = drama. Who will fall on the floor screaming, get naked in public, get in a fight, or fuck a stranger on camera when they aren’t drunk?
- Tons of T&A. Since most MTV shows are short on substance, they need footage that will kill time but also keep people watching. What works better for that than footage of the seemingly endless parade of women willing to hang out with hardly anything on? Footage of these women’s faces is purely optional as long as there are boobs in the shot.
- Total debasement of the parent-child relationship. Parents on MTV are their kids’ drinking buddies, slaves, cheerleaders, enablers, and bank accounts, not authority figures. They’re there to bankroll the party, not to bum it out with their concerns for their children’s well-being.
Now that the parameters have been laid down, I’ll get to the shows. In the course of my MTV viewing experiment, I sat through an episode of A Shot at Love 2 with Tila Tequila, two episodes of The X-Effect, and two episodes of Date My Mom. I’ve also seen a few episodes of this season’s Real World recently. I don’t know which of these shows wins the Most Fucked Up Show on TV Award (previously held by The Swan), but all four are clearly produced by the devil (and I’m not just saying that because I had to sit through clips of Death Cab for Cutie on either side of the commercial breaks).
I’ll start with Tila Tequila’s show. The story, for those of you lucky enough to have escaped hearing about it, is that Tila Tequila, who is famous for being the filthiest animal on MySpace, is looking for a life partner. Tila Tequila is, quite simply, a sexbot. She was designed and built by strip club patrons who like ‘em ambiguously beige-tan, petite, and dramatically reconfigured by plastic surgery, she was programmed by Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope to be their freewheelin’, free lovin’, chick lickin’ dream girl, then she got her own show. Either that or she did all that shit to herself knowing what appeals to the average dude and the average brainwashed young “chick” in order to get her own show. In any case, she’s ridden uber-commercialized, hyper-sexualized vacuity from a simple page on a social networking site to her own show on MTV, from where she gets to project her warped idea of femininity, morality, sexuality, and “love” to the preteens of the nation.
Like I said earlier, Tila, the story goes, is looking for true love. No one older than 13 really believes that’s what’s going on, but that’s the producers’ and Ms. Tequila’s story and they’re sticking to it. OK, fine, but doesn’t The Bachelorette already exist? What sets this show apart from Rock of Love (other than Ms. Tequila having hair and boobs) or I Love New York (besides the fact that I Love New York had Chance, the funniest dude on TV since Murdoch from The A-Team)?
The twist is… get ready… Tila Tequila is bisexual! She likes to do it with men and women. So half of the contestants trying to win the heart of this evil robot, trying to make the most of their Shot at Love, are men, and the other half are women. The men are the same kinds of men you see on any show with a similar premise: vain ‘roid monkeys with egos to put Billy Zabka to shame who are there simply because they, just knowing that they deserve to be famous, are looking for some small-screen exposure to get them started in the business. The women are weird, though. Most of them are similar to the women on shows like The Bachelor, although they manage to project even less self-respect and class than those women do, but at least one or two of them are actual lesbians. They usually get kicked off first, though. Who wants real lesbians ruining the Maxim-esque fantasy?
That’s right, I said it. Most of the women on Shot at Love aren’t lesbians. They’re women who make out with other women to make men want to pork them. They’re women who want to get famous and are willing to make out with a chick on screen if it’ll get them closer to that goal. I know that almost everyone on reality TV is there because they want to get famous (sorry if I’m ruining the magic for anyone), but this is easily the most egregious example of it I’ve ever seen. I suppose pretending to be gay isn’t any worse than pretending to care about someone so you can be on TV, but the combination of the two is a bit much.
But that’s not all. On most of these reality TV love match shows, the producers hesitate to bluntly insinuate that the contestants are having sex with the prize, but not so in this case. (Which is funny, considering the fact that most of these shows are intended for adult audiences, while Tila Tequila is on a network with a very young audience.) The only way they could make it more obvious that Ms. Tequila is having sex with every single contestant would be if they had a ticker at the bottom of the screen that showed the number of them she’d bedded tick up every time she closed a door on a camera. Now, I don’t know if she and the contestants are actually all getting busy, but that’s most definitely what we’re meant to believe, and I honestly don’t doubt it. Everyone on the show is drunk constantly, they’re all the kinds of people who believe life revolves around fucking, and hardly anyone is ever fully clothed. MTV producers, in all of their reality programs, seem hell-bent on getting as many people to fuck as many different people as possible, and this show is no exception. That means the contestants are constantly ensconced in opulent surroundings, they’re pumped full of booze, they’re always expected to be dressed up in “sexy” (if your idea of sexy is a stripper’s outfit) clothes, and they’re routinely asked to participate in overtly sexualized activities (bathing suit photo shoots, massage lessons, etc.).
Tila makes her decisions on who to keep and who to bounce on one criterion: how in love with her she thinks the contestants are. Fuckin’ A. Narcissism deluxe. You see, the contestants on these shows are in a weird position. They get almost no sleep, they eat poorly, they’re drunk all the time, and they have absolutely no privacy. It’s no surprise that they end up a little emotionally vulnerable, which makes it easy for Ms. Tequila to use her sexuality (consciously or not) to manipulate them into thinking they’re in love. If she fails, they get the boot. The weird part is that these women who are pretending to be gay actually seem to develop feelings for Tila Tequila. I don’t know whether they’re actually in love with her or if their feelings are really just intense admiration for someone who has earned a black belt in sexual manipulation, but they seem pretty stricken, so it’s really kind of gross to watch them get emotionally abused on national television.
What bothers me about this show isn’t that people are being hosey, that people are engaging in thoughtless casual sex, and that people are buying into the idea that Tila Tequila is after true love. What bothers me is how manipulative the entire premise of the show is and how sanctimonious the message seems to be. Basically, MTV is telling us that if we don’t think fucking 30 strangers is the best way to find love, we’re closed-minded homophobes, real reactionaries. You know, because the fact that people are pretending to be gay or bisexual and giving the (young, impressionable) public disgusting, caricatured, one-dimensional representations of the members of those communities is no big deal. Because believing that there should be something to love other than liking to fuck someone is totally passe. Because the path to liberation for women is lined with random wieners and public same-sex make-out sessions. Because the way to determine whether someone is a worthy human being is to see whether you can use your sexuality to manipulate them into thinking they love you.
Yeah, that’s what we want to tell our impressionable young women and men. And we wonder where the Suicide Girls and sex-positivism come from.
To be continued…
30 Comments
June 19, 2008 at 4:01 am
Okay:
1. This post? Right on. Fuck reelity tv.
2. I’m in Atlanta. E-mail me Nine! FFS
June 19, 2008 at 4:34 am
Oh dear sweet fucking bastard child of god, I had a certain white trash ex-boyfriend that was a complete cocksucker who sincerely believed that true feminist girls were the kind of “strong, trashy, don’t-give-a-fuck” alternative types with tattoos and numerous sexual partners/experiences, and who came from broken homes involving pervy stepfathers. You know, the kind of tough-girl sluts that call other girls “bitches and pussies”, but will shut up and submit to the guy with the most tattoos. I was the first girlfriend he’d had with a decent education and a relatively mainstream upbringing compared to the girls he knew, and I was consistently at odds with what his idea of a strong woman should be. What a little bitch! Thank fucking god I outgrew that “oh boo-hoo, I’m tired of being a baby yuppie, I wanna be cool and counterculture like people in Gen X novels who smoke and pop pills and experience interior monologues while trapped in meaningless sexual relationships” phase. Guys like him are such societal cocksuckers, I sincerely do not place any human value on him or his trashy kind.
June 19, 2008 at 4:35 am
How do you really feel about the whole thing?
June 19, 2008 at 5:02 am
Eh well first off, I’m not an elitist. I withdrew from high school before going to art school (which is why he thought that I was in his field of dating) before being able to transfer to a decent university. What he didn’t understand was that I was terribly “bourgeoisie” yuppie by upbringing/values despite my bad academic standing.
I’m angry at the situation because of how easily he was able to insinuate, through the silent corroboration of the pervasive pop cultural statements and influences of both music (he was in the punk/hardcore scene/bands) and pornographic culture, that my own ideas of feminism and even self-worth were less significant than his idea of feminism, which he had adopted from his mother. She was, apparently, a former punk rock runaway who was sexually promiscuous, abused, and probably the 70’s version of a Suicide Girl before she broke into the middle-class through writing marketable (libelous) fiction. It was a very bad feeling to constantly be compared to this woman who was not a feminist in any way. Unfortunately, her son seemed to believe that his mother’s lifestyle was what true feminism was made of, and that my own rather academic and moderate one was not genuine at all. It’s a very, very bad feeling, and I am very glad to be rid of it all. I’m glad I was tactless enough to tell him how poorly I thought of his mother and her cheap fiction. Most of all, I’m glad I never let him keep any pictures of me because he’s the kind of guy who would post them on the Internet under forum threads with titles like, “PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN.”
:-\
June 19, 2008 at 5:12 am
He sounds like just about every jagoff I went to high school with. It’s pretty difficult to find dudes who aren’t either these kinds of assholes who think that being into porn where the women have tattoos makes them iconoclasts or sports fans who think Hooters is a good restaurant.
I didn’t really mean that you needed to elaborate, by the way, though I’m glad you did. I knew what you meant, I was just joking because you sounded as xtreme (!) as I do about that kind of thing sometimes. It was a corny old man joke, sorry.
June 19, 2008 at 6:23 am
Ah gotcha, no worries.
Internet ranting: anonymous one-sided therapy.
Internet extremism: “Dear diary: today I was a badass. I showed those motherfuckers, I showed them good.”
June 19, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I can’t believe that people actually spend the finite hours of their lives watching that shit. I thought TV was horrible back in ‘03, when I turned it off for good, but this….I don’t even have words for, really, other than that humanity terrifies me more with every passing day.
June 19, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Out-fucking-standing post, ND.
June 19, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Did you see anything about the first season? One of those ‘real’ lesbians made it to the final two (of course she was passed over for the guy) - Her name was Dani, I think she was a firefighter, I know she was adorably cute and very butch. It was almost uncomfortable to watch her interact with the crazies on the show. She seemed so sincere and she wasn’t drunk all the time. I saw a commercial that highlighted the ‘parent visit’ episode from this season 2 - Tila was deepthroating a dill pickle in front of the father of one of the remaining lesbians (like, wtf??!) And she was all giggling and like ‘this is just how I eat pickles!’ it was revolting. She’s revolting.
June 19, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Nine and Chlorophyll, I love you both! Me, omg, me too. (”…humanity terrifies me more with every passing day.”)
I haven’t watched MTV in ages, although I’d heard the words “Tila Tequila” etc. being kicked around the web. I had no idea… It’s horrifying. I’m just … paralyzed with shock. And I’m no prude, trust me please!
Thanks for the excellent post, N.D.
June 20, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Wow. I have to confess: I watch Tila Tequila. I watched the first season, was annoyed when she didn’t pick the butch lesbian (though it’s totally apparent why she didn’t — that’d be affirming every dude’s worst fears about women and feminism), and am sorta watching the second season. I hadn’t thought about the show in this way before. I mean, I picked up on all of these things that you’re talking about here (except for the sleep deprivation, though now that I think about it, it’s totally obvious), I just had never put them together like this. The show really is a showcase of different abuses all in the name of “love.” No wonder we’re all so fucked up if this is what love is supposed to be like. Thanks for writing this. Looking forward to the next installation!
June 20, 2008 at 5:43 pm
My favourite part:
(more, please!)
I thank the Goddess above that I don’t have cable :D
June 23, 2008 at 4:50 am
I absolutely refuse to watch MTV. There’s nothing of value on it. I also hate Tila Tequila with the flaming passion of my real (and thus, not socially acceptable) bisexual soul.
I totally feel you chlorophyll. I dated a lot of assholes in high school and college, and nearly all of them thought my “bisexuality” was a gimmick to titillate their pornorific minds. I also find it awesomely funny how the same men that find it so awesome that I’m open with my sexuality (not really, I don’t think I’ve ever slept with someone without knowing their family and the name of their first dog) are totally freaked out when they learn the only person I’ve ever truly loved, in a romantic and sexual fashion, was my best female friend in high school who broke my heart by moving to California. Kissing other girls to impress dudes? Hot! Falling in love with a girl that you still think the world of? Eww, real lesbianism, get it off!
It totally blows dudes’ minds when you confess that you are bisexual, a serial monogamist, and think that you have a relatively low sex drive compared to the free-porking and booze-saturated college norm. But, but, bisexuality is supposed to be sexy! Why don’t you have a belly ring and edgy tattoos? Why won’t you talk about all the kinky things I assume you like to do and have done on the first date once you confess that you are bisexual?
Barf.
Don’t get me started on that stupid song that is on the radio that goes something like “I kissed a girl and I think I liked it”. Let’s see how much you like it when you attend Homecoming with someone of the same sex and the chaperons try to kick you out for “being obscene”, or how the photographer at Prom moved you and your lesbian date to the back of the picture even though you were both the shortest.
Being gay or bisexual isn’t a gimmick, and it certainly isn’t fun. If you think it’s fun and socially awesome, that’s because you’re doing it wrong and I am 100% certain that you are not really gay or bisexual. Loving women is not what I do to impress my boyfriend or a group of shitfaced men, it’s who I am. It’s also who I am more than heterosexual, because somehow once men figure out that I’m more about loving people for who they are rather than worshiping at the cock alter of manliness (I am so unimpressed by gender), and I can and will dump them for someone of either sex that isn’t a douchebag, suddenly my bisexuality isn’t cool or awesome.
In conclusion, fuck MTV, fuck Tila Tequila and her stupid fake name, fuck my asshole ex-boyfriends, and most of all, fuck everyone that thinks the newest hip facet of female sexuality is feigned bisexuality. That shit is not cool.
June 23, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Fuck Yeah!
June 23, 2008 at 7:25 pm
I stopped watching MTV when it became another porn channel. It’s just… Gross.
I don’t think the british MTV gets Tila Tequila, and oh sweet jesus, it’s so totally mind blowingly wrong I can’t believe that it’s allowed on air, on a station that kids watch. It’s a total “Think of the children!” cliche moment. The fact that it must get ratings is just… Argh.
And I cannot agree with Jen more, I’m so fed up of people thinking bisexuality isn’t a real sexuality, but just something to entertain guys with. And women like “Tila” (I bet her real name is Jane or something) seem more then happy to adhere to that stereotype with full force and just make it that much harder to gain any form of respect.
Another great post ND, shall look forward to the next installment.
June 23, 2008 at 9:07 pm
I fucking love this blog. I fucking hate Tila Tequila.
June 24, 2008 at 3:26 am
I found this and had to share, it’s a funny carton about ‘lesbians’ –
http://www.subtire.com/i.php?n=lesbians.jpg
June 24, 2008 at 9:15 am
Well, thank goodness I’ve never watched Tila Tequila. The few snatches of MTV I have watched involved “My Super Sweet 16″ and “Engaged & Underaged”, both of which were painful. PAINFUL.
I don’t even understand the appeal of reality tv. It’s like WWE, it’s all fake. How does this entertain people?
What sort of strange role models are we manufacturing these days? Because, well, anything not controlled by the media and the big corporates doesn’t really see the light of day.
June 24, 2008 at 10:05 am
Re: yr Nine Deuce page: “most retarded of readers”
June 24, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Kim - I’ve been told by more than one person not to use that word. If you want to discuss it, post it on the page where I use it. It has nothing to do with this post.
July 16, 2008 at 8:20 am
Jen and Chlorophyll, you are both made of awesome. Fuck Tila, fuck performative bisexuality, and fuck that highly painful show. I admit to watching the first season (and having a crush on Dani), but the ridiculous shit these people go through (and I know they sign up for it) is cringe-inducing. My coworker loves it and I’m just *shudder*ing.
I just found this blog and I’m into it. Yay for me!
July 31, 2008 at 5:11 pm
this is the second time Ive seen that cartoon on the internet in a week. Its disgusting, femme-hating and biphobic. So is this post, frankly.
I agree with a lot on this blog, but its hard to square the visceral hate for Tila Tequila with protestations that you dont blame women for thier self-objectification.
And while I’m sure some women on the show are faking–its reality TV–it seems like you think that only butch women are lesbians.
July 31, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Femme-hating? Does that mean I’m butch? Biphobic? Does that mean I’m a lesbian who hates bisexuals, or a straight woman who hates bisexuals?
I’m none of the above.
I know there are lesbians who aren’t butch, but I can also identify someone who is pretending to be gay to get on TV. I don’t hate Tila Tequila, I think she’s a symptom of a cultural trend I hate. I don’t give one fuck about Tila Tequila, except that I think she’s a bit absurd and is a bad role model.
As to blaming people for their own SELF-objectification, I don’t blame anyone for anything, but I do allow Ms. Tequila human agency, so yes, she is responsible for her own SELF-objectification.
August 1, 2008 at 3:59 am
as we well know, people from an oppressed group can still hate other people from the same oppressed group!
mostly that stupid cartoon pisses me off.
August 1, 2008 at 4:02 am
What cartoon?
August 1, 2008 at 3:25 pm
the one chlorophyll posted above.
August 1, 2008 at 4:53 pm
The one chlorophyll linked on June 24. It’s obviously your fault that someone linked a cartoon in the comments, and it obviously is a reflection of your politics, ND. *rolls eyes*
I still don’t really get what “femme-hating” means, myself. And I don’t get why discussing ONE woman who is not truly bisexual but pretending to be bi for money and fame is all of a sudden a decry against ALL bisexual women.
August 2, 2008 at 11:18 am
yeah, you’re right. I was admitting that I was pissed off by that cartoon and influenced my reaction. Though I still think saying that Tila Tequila is a “filthy animal” and a “sexbot” goes against the stated intentions/plan for this blog.
August 2, 2008 at 3:14 pm
I don’t have to give every woman a pass for her shitty behavior just because I’m a feminist. Tila Tequila is an asshole. She manipulates the people on the show and expects them to remain faithful to her while they know she is having sex with a ton of other people. She’s the most self-centered and narcissistic person I’ve ever seen on TV.
She’s a problematic role model as well. She thoroughly objectifies herself in pursuit of male attention, she sits as a prime example of the problem of women warping their own sexuality to please men, and she pretends that the whole thing is empowering, that she’s some kind of example that women ought to want to emulate. Too bad only about 1% of the population meets the criteria to be able to do that, and that’s after tons of plastic surgery.
October 10, 2008 at 6:55 pm
When I do let someone know I’m bisexual (mostly trusted teachers and mentors and close friends), they don’t tend to pornify it, but then I don’t fit the image of a conventionally attractive woman (and also I pick my nose in public slightly more often that most other people) so maybe that is why I don’t get that so much in part, but then I haven’t told all the pornsick dudes in my class about it, so who knows how they’d react (they talk about porn in lessons BTW, and one of them makes fun of the pain women experience during childbirth). A lot of dudes don’t like real lesbianism, not to mention that some of them still treat any bisexuality as just experimentation you engage in to piss off your dad like a good little embodiment of freudianism, which all these dudes know is totally true, they expect lesbians to be really feminine, like two women being sexually interested in each other is a display of concentrated femininity. I don’t think that having a high sex drive has much to do with it, I do, but I’m solosexual (pornlessly), and will remain so unless I find somebody who I’m 100% sure wants to have sex with me, and who I’m also into. As for that “I kissed a Girl” song, I like the song musically, but find the lyrics to be sexist and while I think the song operates on a more complicated level than the performative lesbianism one, the attitude of the singer is still objectifying.
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