Comments on: SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX!

By: Hecate

Hecate — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 18:24:30 +0000

I found an amusing article that suggests men may be ‘hyper-emotional’ during sex, whereas the female brain tends to shut down emotional centers during sex:

http://io9.com/391315/women-have-no-emotional-feelings-during-orgasm-say-neuroscientists

What a fantastic concept! It would seem that if we equate emotion with ego, it is the woman who is having the truly transcendent experience here. So men would do well to stand by and learn from the master ;)

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 03:59:24 +0000

HOLY CRAP…I love this…thank you. Keep writing!

By: Immir

Immir — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 03:39:25 +0000

It’ so true. People know nothing of female sexuality. Women are sexualized not sexual.

By: Nine Deuce

Nine Deuce — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:41:44 +0000

Thanks. Please excuse the harshness of my response, but that’s a pet peeve.

By: John

John — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:39:43 +0000

I apologize for writing my post like that. It wasn’t my intention to put words in your mouth. I should have said something along the lines of, “I think that the internal, unconscious dialog of these men is…” I will be more careful in the future.
Though I call myself pro-feminist, I’m still learning a lot about feminism and about my previously unquestioned privilege, so I really appreciate the correction.

By: Nine Deuce

Nine Deuce — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:14:38 +0000

John – Thanks for the input, and I’m interested in hearing about the results of your research. However, please refrain from putting words in my mouth and telling me how to write. Coming onto a feminist blog and telling me how I ought to have expressed my own thoughts is presumptuous, and is really a 101 issue (as you ought to know, since you are calling yourself a pro-feminist). You can tell me you think what I said doesn’t capture all of the facets of the issue and add your input, and you can tell me you found my word choice offensive, but you can’t tell me what my post “should have said” and tell me which words to use in place of the ones you don’t like. I’m the boss here at RATM, not to mention a perfectly competent writer, and I won’t be told by someone who uses “then” in place of “than” how to express myself.

By: John

John — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 19:44:12 +0000

I’ve just started working on a series of papers about the socialization of men in the United States. I consider myself a feminist (or pro-feminist to those who don’t believe men can be feminist I don’t really care), and am writing these papers so that I can better understand how men are socialized into maintaining the patriarchy, rather than assuming that this process is “instinctual” as you have called it.
Throughout my research I have come to a different conclusion of the thought process of those who follow the hegemonic masculinity, meaning dominant form of masculinity, in the U.S. And it’s a little scarier than your assumption because in your assumption you give women to much credit. So here is my breakdown:

““I feel like my economic and social position is precarious, and I feel powerless in the face of the men I see as my superiors and the institutions they have created.”
This is pretty accurate.

“I’m supposed to be above women in the social hierarchy, but they are getting too close to me, they are threatening to take the things I thought were mine.”

This one should read more like, “I’m supposed to be above the men who are above me, so maybe by accumulating women I can show them how powerful I am. If I let women get to close my male superiors (or inferiors) will think I’m not manly. ”

I’m afraid, and so I am angry at the people who are making me afraid.

This one should read more like, “I’m afraid, but I can’t show fear otherwise my male superiors (or inferiors) might think I’m weak, so I will channel my emotions into anger because at least I can express anger without seeming unmanly.”

“But I need women in order to fulfill the most essential of my biological desires, and I also need them in order to have a full life, according to the ideal that my culture has set up for me. I want women, I desire women, but I can’t have them unless they will allow me to.”

This should read more like, “I want to have an intimate connection with people, but I can’t because then people will think I’m weak. So I have to desire women, so that my male superiors and inferiors don’t think I’m gay. If they don’t like me, everyone will think I’m gay.”

I am angry at them for not wanting me, and I hate them for making me afraid that I’m losing my tenuous grip on my rung of the ladder.”

This should read: “I am angry at everyone because women don’t want me and I was already angry at the men, and the men in my life think I’m weak or gay or both.”

In looking at the history of how our current conceptions of masculinity developed (read Kimmel’s Manhood in America or Rotundo’s American Manhood) I’ve discovered that women are more objectified then most feminists think because what those who subscribe to hegemonic masculinity want is the acceptance of other men, but because all men pose a threat to one’s own manhood, this is impossible, and women, homosexuals, people of color or any “other” just get dropped in this quest for homosocial intimacy.

This quick analysis is, of course, incomplete, but I hope you see where this is coming from. It is important to remember that hierarchies imprison both the oppressed and the oppressor when discussing these topics.

P.S. I don’t know if you do this a lot because I’m pretty new to reading this blog, but your use of fruitcake is kind of offensive. If you meant “crazy,” “flaky,” “stupid,” please use those words instead of using a word that has a derogatory history. :)

By: Trinity

Trinity — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 03:07:50 +0000

“Our female/male orgasm ratio might surprise you.”

Same here, but then I am a BDSMer, so I’m sure there’s some reason why it’s THE PATRIARCHEE! making me have all those awful, awful orgasms, and I just have been too busy coming to figure out what it was. :)

By: RenegadeEvolution

RenegadeEvolution — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 23:41:06 +0000

“Why don’t we decide for ourselves what sex is and should be”

I agree. 100%. However, that’s going to be different from woman to woman.

“It’s made out to be pretty fucking exciting, but it can’t live up to its promise and is really a poor substitute for what human sexuality has to offer. It’s dangerous, awkward, embarrassing, dehumanizing, and completely deadening, even to those who have an easy time of getting strangers to get naked. Fucking is the realm of those with huge ego problems and insecurities, and it’s disappointing to me to see women latching onto the practice as an ill-conceived attempt to clamber toward some kind of equality with men.’

You know, I’m starting to take the whole “ego problems” line as a compliment from you folk…along with “man”, “sadist”, and “sociopath”. Now, you may have decided that casual sex/ random fucking is not for you…that may not be “your sex”, but why assume that other women are going to be the same way? We’re a pretty varied lot, and personally I’d like to see all of us doing what works for us…even if that, like us, is widely varied.

By: Dan

Dan — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 23:27:14 +0000

It goes further than you touched upon. A good number of women, when passed the baton and given the opportunity to express their sexuality freely, will forfeit it to the male. Initially I had many a frustrating time asking my girlfriend what she would like, because her usual response was “whatever you’d like”, which would lead us to a rather circular argument. I’m under the impression this is not too uncommon in society.