Since my childhood (tiny-Joydom), I have refused to ass-kiss or pander to passive-aggressive manipulation (which was a huge favorite terr’rist tactic in my family).
It’s not that I can’t/couldn’t see or understand these fakey-ass behaviors — I knew very well what was REALLY being exchanged in every exchange, and that was the problem.

Of course, I was considered a “failure” socially. Over time, I did learn how to pander to dudes, albeit in a “smart-’chick’” “sex-pozzy” “‘punk’ ‘rock’” way (“of COURSE your take on anarchism is the best way, O Dudely Dude — I differ in opinions because I’m bright, but naturally your opinion is awesome; also, don’t worry, I’m not one of the scary ladies and I totally might blow you to prove I’ve Killed The Cop In My Head [TM]!”), as a survival/coping mechanism — but I always knew the shit was totally fucking fake.

I’m back to opting out. Screw putting on pretenses. If some dude doesn’t like that I know what I’m talking about, don’t shave or wear makeup, and do wear trousers or “unflattering” housedresses/Huck Finn shorts all the time, he doesn’t need to talk to me.

In case I need to say this, I thus don’t talk to a lot of dudes. I personally think that is an additional reason to engage in this type of behavior. A positive side effect, or a cheeky bonus, if you will.

Women who opt out should probably not be seen as a bad thing. Clearly, legit autism-spectrum problems (I’m pretty sure I never had one, thanks mental health industry; or if I had, it’s “cured” by now) could have real drawbacks — but is being immune to the fucking bullshit REALLY all that bad?

PS: Thanks for letting me resurrect a few of your old threads, ND. That’s what happens when I get bored and start reading archives as therapy. And there just happens to be a lot of good shit in your archives.

Good post 9-D. Love your stuff.

What’s the problem with an intelligent, competent woman acting like Little Miss Helpless? In a world where we are already presumed to be dumb and incompetent? Seriously?

There’s a difference between letting a guy know that you find him attractive and acting stupid to buoy up his ego, or acting stupid and inept because you figure that’s what he finds attractive. The latter, if it’s what one needs to play in order to get sex or attention or what one perceives as “positive” reinforcement, is pretty sad.

Feminism does mean you can get the MBA, and it also means that you then do not have to hide the fact that you are smart in order to placate insecure men. You seem to think that all things “female” and apparent intelligence are at odds with one another.

I mean if one wants to play the helpless victim to some insecure arsehole’s knight in shining armour, why bother learning anything at all? Why not be the real dumb helpless thing?

In case you didn’t actually read the post, here again is ND’s definition of flirting:

“I’m defining flirtatious behavior broadly as any act that is intended to flatter the male ego in an attempt to either get his sexual attention or manipulate him into doing one’s bidding. That means it includes giggling, eyelash-batting, pretending to be inept, pretending to be stupid, pretending to be weak, pretending to be childlike, making unnecessary references to one’s sexuality or to sex in general, purposely and unnecessarily calling attention to one’s appearance and/or clothing (pointing out how cool your boat shoes are notwithstanding), and other sundry varieties of general coyness.”

From where I sit, a smart woman who equates “female-ness” with appearing to be immature and helpless is just plain depressing.

If I’m doing it, it’s a female thing, even if it’s wearing something “unfeminine” (I’ve been told I should show off my body more), neglecting to tend to my armpit hair (I’m starting to think it’s sorta cute) or making the first move on a fellow without all the coy stuff (still not asexual, so much for your stereotyping–and there’s nothing wrong with being asexual either).

Yes, I know this is a bit late.

And agree with Finisterre, rather judgemental about online dating.

But where is the problem?
Why does feminism mean that we have to give up everything female if we happen to like it?
Feminism means that we can be ambitious and get our MBA’s. Why does it mean we have to dress a certain way and behave a certain way?
I hate norms. I hate rules (besides those of the most basic kind of way that make sure we don’t all slaughter each other). I don’t see feminism as another norm for dressing and behaving (e.g. asexually and unfeminim) but rather as a way to be less limited in self expression (e.g. no “women don’t do such things” any more).
To me, feminism is (or rather, can be) exactly that: I can dress the way I want to, be hammered as often as I want to and yet be educated, nice, successfull and whatever else I wat to be.

That’s some bizarre reasoning there. Wanting a relationship = self-esteem problems? That’s a very bleak outlook indeed. What about just wanting to share your love and body and space with someone warm and funny who you love?

Personally, I had a really happy experience with dating websites. It’s a neutral, safe space not dominated by “alpha” males (or any other kind), where I found it much easier to check out guys I liked and I didn’t have to even acknowledge the arseholes, unlike in real physical situations.

As for ‘the real psychos are the online ones’… shit, I didn’t realise that. Two women a week are murdered by their partners here in the UK. I guess if we shut down the dating sites, that would sort that problem out? I’m going to write to my MP this minute.

Okay now I sound like a total nerd and I’ve spammed your blog enough for the day *runs and hides*