February 16, 2008...1:50 am
What Would A Dude Do?
I have a general policy that if something hurts, restricts my movement, or is likely to cause long-term health problems or discomfort, I won’t do it if that’s at all possible. I’m pretty sure that anyone who reads this will agree that this is a fairly sound policy, and one that dovetails with common sense and basic human instincts and tendencies. So why, then, do everyday women’s fashion and grooming practices seem to contradict such a simple set of guidelines?
I often wonder whether people will take me to be condemning women for choosing to wear revealing and/or restricting clothing and say that I’m adding to the problem of sexism by trying to add my own set of restrictions on what women ought to be doing. But that’s not really what I’m about. It’s my theory that, were it not for the fact that women are constantly inundated with the message that they are worthless if they aren’t sexually appealing, they wouldn’t wear uncomfortable and restrictive clothing anymore because the entire impetus for enduring the discomfort that wearing such attire entails would have been obviated. Really, why is sexiness the main criterion in choosing clothing, supplanting even utility and comfort?
I have a little test I apply when I stumble upon something I suspect is sexist or detrimental to women. If it’s media, I imagine that the woman being depicted is a man. If it’s a behavior expected of women, I imagine what a man would say to someone who suggested he do it. It almost never fails: if the switcheroo results in a sense of absurdity, I’ve found some sexist shit. If you think about it, fashion is kind of a catch-22 for women; men get to call us ugly (and therefore virtually worthless) if we don’t contort and torture our bodies in order to fulfill their standard of beauty, then they get to make fun of us for being insane when we do the things required to fit that model. Well, fuck that. I normally think this is a terrible idea, but when it comes to fashion and grooming, I’m advocating applying the test of “What would a dude do?” Here is a list of things that many women do regularly that most men would never consider doing, and that women should stop doing, with a handy little set of reasons why they aren’t cool and some alternatives.
- · The problem: Pube (or any) waxing
° Why it isn’t cool: I’ve never done it, but I’m pretty sure it hurts, like a LOT, and that alone is reason enough not to do it. But if your own physical pain isn’t enough to override the insidious influence of the porn industry, think about what it means when dudes prefer women with no pubic hair.
° What you should do instead: Date people who are attracted to natural adult women, not children or plastic dolls.
- · The problem: High-heeled and pointy-toed shoes
° Why they aren’t cool: Again, the main reason not to do this is that it causes physical pain, but it also restricts movement and causes long-term health problems. I used to work at a shoe store and I eventually got used to walking around for 8 or 9 hours in 4-inch heels with sharply pointed toes, but the sensation of wearing shoes like this for the first time should warn anyone off of doing it ever again. High-heeled shoes, especially those of the stiletto variety, vastly increase your likelihood of breaking your feet and ankles, and they force your toes into positions that will guarantee you bone spurs, bunions, and plenty of other heinous foot problems in middle and old age.
° What you should do instead: For fuck’s sake, don’t get your little toe shortened so you can keep wearing them. What would a dude do? He’d get some comfortable shoes and retain his ability to walk without fear of breaking his feet or incurring long-term damage, that’s what. Get some sneakers or flat shoes that at least somewhat follow the shape of the human foot rather than a garden spade.
- · The problem: Make-up
° Why it isn’t cool: Women still make 70 cents on the dollar for what men make, so why are we spending 15 times what they do on grooming products? Make-up is not only a waste of money, it’s also a complete waste of time. Even if it only takes 5 minutes, it’s still too much. You could spend that 5 minutes reading my blog, thinking about ways to take down the man-chine, vandalizing misogynistic bus-stop ads, smoking angel dust, or sleeping. And then you wouldn’t have to deal with feeling like there was shit all over your face all day. Just imagine a situation in which your eye itches and you can just rub it, worrying not about exacerbating the problem by rubbing mascara flakes into your eye.
° What you should do instead: Not wear make-up. If your own money/time/comfort aren’t important enough to get you to knock off the face painting, just think about the fact that women have to paint themselves in order to be attractive. That situation ought to change, since it means that nature has been subverted and we are no longer born with what we need to propagate the species.
- · The problem: Fake fingernails
° Why they aren’t cool: Let’s see… I can pay $30 to waste an hour of my life sniffing chemicals and making my hands less useful? Sweet! Although going to the nail salon does afford one the opportunity to get gossiped about in Vietnamese, it’s a waste of money and it isn’t good for you. The chemicals are carcinogenic, most salons aren’t sanitary, and they smell like a toxic waste dump. Plus, fake long fingernails make typing, dialing a phone, picking your nose, and… everything else you do with your hands harder. There’s a reason the only place you saw fake fingernails until about 20 years ago was in the porn industry: long fingernails are meant for people who do nothing but have sex and get looked at.
° What you should do instead: If you must have long nails, stick with growing your own pinkie nails out a la Chinese taxi drivers. But really, that’s also kind of stupid. Leave them short.
- · The problem: Restrictive and impractical clothing
° Why it isn’t cool: Uh, it restricts movement. Anything that is so tight that it keeps you from being able to run, do the Kid ‘n’ Play, or step over things, and anything that will expose your private bits if you move the wrong way is a ridiculous imposition. And then there are impractical items of clothing like those fucking ridiculous short sweatshirts that leave the midriff exposed and those turtleneck tank tops. If it’s warm enough out to not clothe your midriff or arms, why the fuck do you need a sweatshirt or a turtleneck? What that means is that either a) you are suffering being too hot in order to wear the silly garment, or, more likely, b) you are suffering being too cold on one part of your body in order to sexualize yourself in spite of cold weather. Either way, it’s even dumber than wearing flip-flops with jeans.
° What you should do instead: Get some pants and a t-shirt.
- · The problem: Plastic surgery
° Why it isn’t cool: The risks of death and disfigurement are pretty good reasons to not do something. I once had a neighbor whose friend had gotten a LOT of plastic surgery done all at once. For some strange reason, her body rejected the foreign objects she had implanted in her cheeks and chin, and didn’t respond well to having large chunks of flesh removed (imagine that!), so she ended up having to go through a year-long series of operations to try to correct the problems created by the first set, none of which were free of charge. She spent hundreds of thousands of dollars and came out looking vastly less attractive than she had been in the first place. People think that stories like this are rare, but the truth is that they aren’t. A much too large proportion of cosmetic surgeries require what plastic surgeons euphemistically call “revision”. What that actually means is that they come out so fucked up that more surgery is required to fix the scarring, misshapenness, or other such deformity caused by the first surgery. It is terrifically disturbing that we’ve reached a point in which people don’t seem to think it unreasonable to have surgery, an option usually deemed a last resort when it comes to actual physical disorders, in order to make themselves more porkable.
° What you should do instead: Get counseling. If you’re considering having an operation for cosmetic reasons, you’ve absorbed the more nefarious messages of our distorted culture to the point that you’ve completely lost the plot.
61 Comments
February 27, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Your blog kicks ass. Hands down. I’m bookmarking it.
Thanks.
J
February 27, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Thanks! I’m new at it, so it’s nice to hear.
February 27, 2008 at 6:14 pm
I’m new at feminism. My wife struggled for years to get me to see things from her point of view. I wanted to, but I just couldn’t do it from my privileged position. I’m still wrapping my head around it all, which is what brings me to blogs like yours. You tackle the contradictions I see in the movement, such as this “sex-positive” rubbish, with a convincing monologue that pokes numerous holes in even the highest attempt at articulating patriarchal bullshit.
Needless to say, conversation is much more positive and enriching between my wife and I since I began to understand just how much at a disadvantage women are in our society.
March 5, 2008 at 6:39 am
Re: fake fingernails…
When I was in sixth grade a bunch of girls decided to put them on for school picture day (which is ridiculous since all you see in a school picture is your face anyway). Then they had to take them off for gym class. I saw how seemingly annoying it was to do this, and I commented: “I’m never wearing fake fingernails.” One of the girls responded by saying: “Well, they’re what’s popular, so you have to.”
Makes me sad now that at age eleven, she was already conforming to the annoying-and-impractical-beauty-rituals-are-necessary mentality.
March 5, 2008 at 3:28 pm
I think I remember wearing Lee press-on nails at a very young age and thinking, “This is stupid. I can’t use my hands or they fall off.”
March 6, 2008 at 12:25 am
Yeah–it would’ve been really ridiculous for me, what with all my piano and flute lessons.
March 20, 2008 at 2:48 am
When will women give up all the makeup / botox garbage?
I’ve been seeing a lady who insists on the whole make-up thing. Indeed, one of her main concerns is that the creep she used to stay with won’t give back all her brushes and rouge and stuff. And now she wants botox.
I want to kiss her lips, not her lipstick!
But ultimately, it is HER body. HER decision. If this is what SHE wants to do, neither I nor anyone else has any right to say she can’t.
I just don’t want to be accused of misogny when I am not forcing her, or even encouraging her, to wear makeup.
March 20, 2008 at 3:52 am
Bill - women will give up make-up and Botox as soon as they no longer believe that their worth is determined by how attractive men find them. That’s it. I agree that women’s choice of what they do with their own bodies is their own business, but I think that the decisions a lot of women make in that regard are influenced to a large extent by our culture’s obsession with fascistic beauty standards. I’m not accusing anyone of misogyny, but I am asking people to examine their own behaviors and attitudes to see if they are contributing to women’s perception that what matters most about them is their appearance.
March 20, 2008 at 11:39 am
I like your post and agree with what you’re saying, however I personally don’t have a problem with make-up per se. I know many feminist women who choose to wear make-up and enjoy it, wear it for fun and a means of self-expression & yet I don’t question their feminism. I think we can have a feminist world where women would still wear make-up, the difference being that they wouldn’t be ‘expected’ to, they wouldn’t have to conform to mainstream, homogenous standards of appropriate femininity and the make-up wouldn’t be stuffed full of carcinogens and other harmful substances.
Oh, and I love the name of your blog!
March 20, 2008 at 6:27 pm
Michelle,
Excellent point. Feminism should be about empowering women, not trading slaveowners from a male one to a female one. If a woman wishes to be “butch” or “fem” or something in between: it should be about her own choices, and dealing with her own reality, as opposed to fitting in with either the mainstream OR the alternative vision of what she is supposed to look like.
March 20, 2008 at 11:44 pm
I agree that feminism is about empowering women. But it’s also about freeing them from the negative influences of the beauty industry. I don’t care what anyone decides they want to look like. What I do care about is that a lot of people are making the decision to go through these procedures because they’ve been beaten over the head so often with the idea that all that matters about them is their sex appeal that they can no longer make the decision freely.
March 21, 2008 at 3:32 pm
In eighteenth century Europe, men used to wear a LOT of make-up and large wigs- more than their female counterparts. Their Victorian descendents thought them very effeminate, (which by Victorian standards they were- with men wearing make-up and weeping and fainting at the drop of a hat- ah! the culture of sensibility) .
I absolutely think that women are forced to wear make-up today to conform to a particular image of beauty, which is sexist. But, at a theoretical level, is painting your skin any different from indulging in any other fashion culture? It is often the meaning that we give to the action that is problematic, rather than the action itself. And while deforming your body is of course hugely problematic (although not a behaviour that is only limited to women), performativity is fun. Dressing up the body to give it meaning can be pleasurable and transgressive (and trangressive femininity can be no less time-consuming or expensive), and, in our current historical context, no fashion decision is value free, whether we like it or not.
March 24, 2008 at 4:02 am
I just found your blog. You rock!
Yeah, fuck all the feminine grooming shit. No makeup, comfy clothes, comfy shoes.
March 28, 2008 at 2:21 am
blasphemy ..schsaphmey on you..Make Up is a way of life for some people, for those that arent wearing it , well they should.They probably do, not all the time ,not even most of the time. But from time to time they put it on. Personally, I consider it art, not a hassle not a chore not cuz I want men to look at me an say oh my god she is pretty cuz of her mac eyeshadow..fucking spare me , you know me. And I take offense to that one , so what if I spend way to much money on expensive make up. its what I like , I make the money , I pay my bills and whatever I want to fucking spend at sephora I will gladly spend, why ? Cuz its for me, about me , something I like to do. And I like to put make up on other people as well. Make up has given me opportunities in my life that nothing else has. Ive gotten to meet and work with fabulous amazing people through the make up world. Now on to fake nails, well all I can say on that one is at least I go to the white girl shops.. and I dont pay shit its free, and I love my ghetto white trash glitter east county nails….but not as much as I love you.. So let it commence.. The reign of terror on me for speaking my mind up on this piece…
March 28, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Hmm… I have a drawer full of makeup, which I wear occasionally, like once a month, and only because I want to. Waxing: freaking NEVER!! (That goes for shaving my private pedals as well: never). High heels: the last time I wore high heels was at my sister’s wedding 21 years. They went well with the tux and tails I was wearing. (I have really nice feet, if I do say so myself!) Fake fingernails: WHAT is up with that anyway? Dumb. If I can’t wipe my ass, then, no thanks. Restrictive clothing: ask my trackpants. Plastic surgery: hmmmm in all seriousness if I ever had a mastectomy, then I’d THINK about getting a boob job (but probably not!) As for anything else: NOPE. I am lucky at the age of 41 to have no wrinkles (yet) but I want to age with dignity and not look like I’m on a screenshot of a rollerscoaster ride.
April 22, 2008 at 10:57 pm
I like what you’re saying, but as far as the short sweatshirts - people usually wear them over another shirt…and the turtleneck tank tops are good for covering hickeys in the workplace, or wearing underneath another shirt when you don’t want your arms to get bulky from too many sleeves. And further, most of your alternatives are “Don’t do it.” Get creative! Instead of fake fingernails, get a French Manicure that makes your fingernails look longer than they actually are.
April 23, 2008 at 12:29 am
Tara - I think my general advice is that women stop spending their time and money on beauty treatments that can be uncomfortable and bad for their health. If men aren’t asked to do it, I don’t think women ought to be, so that would include French manicures. I’m not telling anyone they haven’t got the right to get their nails painted or wear whatever clothing they want to wear, but I am arguing that the cultural requirement that women fit a specific mold should be examined and done away with.
April 23, 2008 at 3:23 am
Why does everyone assume that I like to wear nice-looking clothes and make-up sometimes because I’ve been programmed to do so? I think THAT assumption is almost as misogynistic as what you’re talking about in the first place. Women can’t get beyond that programming and do something like wear make-up just ’cause they want to? Fuck that noise. I don’t wear clothes that look nice on me because I think it will attract men. I wear them because I like them and I WANT to wear them. I don’t wake up and think about how my outfit is gonna attract a dude; I think about whether it’s comfortable and looks presentable for work. Sheesh. Women are capable of just doing things ’cause they want to.
April 23, 2008 at 3:29 am
Kate - I wouldn’t argue with your right to do something because you want to. I did notice, though, that you referred to choosing things because of comfort, which is basically the point of this whole post. I’m saying people shouldn’t do things that harm them for the sake of attracting men. It’s fine with me if you want to wear make-up and whatever kind of clothing you want to wear, but if attracting men doesn’t matter to you, then why do you want to wear make-up? If it just makes you feel more comfortable, why is it that it does? Because it’s easier to go along with what’s expected of you than to feel like people are ignoring you or looking at you funny if you don’t?
April 23, 2008 at 3:54 am
I have waxed/shaved my pubic area a few times… and I’m a man of the dude type. I don’t do it regularly (I’m currently in a relationship, and my girlfriend prefers au natural). I don’t feel that I am required by society to do so, or not. I wouldn’t mind having plastic surgery, but I wouldn’t do anything major.
The things you have mentioned are indicators of a society where the sexes are unequal. They are not the causes by any means, they are only the symptoms. Stop being angry at the effects of the system and put some righteous indignation into changing the way children are taught about the sexes, or the way that young women vacuously consume things that are ‘popular’, or the rest of the world where women aren’t even given rights.
Your statement about men criticizing women for rejecting fashion while simultaneously thinking them insane for following trends lumped men together. There are two distinct groups, those who condone fashion and respect those who adhere to it, and those who think adherents of fashion are crazy. Please do not demonize men in the pursuit of equality.
April 23, 2008 at 4:03 am
Adam - I am aware that what I’m discussing is a manifestation of patriarchy, not a cause, but I also believe that these are ways in which people can resist the forces that perpetuate inequality. This post is not written out of anger, but rather is an analysis of some of the strangest behaviors human women exhibit, strange behaviors that seem completely natural because we have come to accept them.
I do address the topics you mentioned. I have written several posts about the influences of advertising, entertainment, children’s toys, etc. on our conceptions of gender roles.
I don’t generally lump all men together; I go out of my way here to qualify statements about men and women. I’m not demonizing anyone, but rather pointing out what goes on in the vast majority of cases. No one can account for every contingency, and so I focus on what’s most common.
April 23, 2008 at 4:56 am
Hey, I enjoyed the original post and will keep that line “what would a dude do?” in mind… in fact, I nominate it for a broader application. Both sexes can learn a lot from one another, as we’ve (in general) been socialized so differently (not even to mention possible biological bases for difference). So I learn a lot from my guy friends… say, about not overthinking things, and remembering that if i don’t care for myself i can’t very well care for others.
(Disclaimer: I do realize that what anyone can learn from the other sex will be different for everybody, and I could have learned these traits from female friends… but in our culture they often seem to be “masculine” traits. Okay, did i get through that without deeply offending anyone?)
also, I want everyone to remember that women can be really, really critical of one another. I wore makeup and tried to keep up with what was “hot” and new through highschool not for guys, but because if i didn’t i feared i’d have no girlfriends.
I hear a lot of blaming men and patriarchy… and the root may be here, but if we’re talking symptoms of it anyway, lets start the charity at home and just chill a bit, be kind to one another (whether we see makeup as a form of personal expression or patriarchal shackles).
April 23, 2008 at 5:21 am
Hmm. I agree with all your statements, I believe in dressing for comfort, have never had fake nails (or even a manicure) and I can’t stand the concept of plastic surgery.
But, I do wear makeup. Not the face-caking kind, I just wear stuff around my eyes, because I like it. My fiancé couldn’t care less. As for the waxing/shaving, I do it (when I feel like it, ie have nothing better to do) because it’s neater. It makes my feel more confident in my undies.
I think g-strings should be added to that uncomfortable clothing thing. I tried them a couple times and I wear them very rarely, in cases when I’m not wearing jeans, which is rare.
I just get so sad when I see other girls my age. I just finished university and I did not see the practicality in wearing heels and a mini skirt if you’re going to be walking around on campus all day.
I could go on and on about society and its stupidity, but I should probably leave it to those that are better at it than me.
But I do throw a fit every time I see a Bratz doll. I’ve been trying to convince my three year old sister that her Bratz bedspread is not cool.
Where are the positive cartoon role models for today’s younger generation? There really is just Bratz and Barbie. Even in Disney movies the women have massive breasts, tiny waists and ugliness is indicative of evil.
April 23, 2008 at 5:28 am
Patricia - Have you seen my post on Bratz?
April 23, 2008 at 5:53 am
It makes me feel better to know there are other women out there that have some common sense. Great blog. I am really enjoying it.
April 23, 2008 at 6:13 am
I agree with all of your points, except for the makeup. For me a thin layer of foundation and blush takes all of a minute to apply. I do agree that a mountain of makeup is just ridiculous, and from a psychological point of view could be considered a way of hiding from the world.
I also used my makeup to provide bruises, scrapes, bitemarks, and scars for me and my bestfriend when the Role playing mood came upon us.
April 23, 2008 at 7:40 am
The “what would a dude do” question is amusing, since I myself actually wear numerous gender-nonspecific or male-specific clothing items - alongside or without notably feminine items (like the scarf I wore after I got my hair cut quite short - I wore it because my neck was actually cold! Then I became fond of it, so I kept wearing it until it got too hot).
I like how you addressed all of the things that you addressed.
And as for makeup, I suppose just as an aside, I do sometimes (being a teenager without a job) wear heavy black eyeliner (and nothing else) just for the sake of it, and I do wear necklaces sometimes, although they’re more shows of interests like band shirts than actual decorations… and in any case, none of this is to really make myself “attractive” per se to guys, but just to express what kind of styles (generally male or gender-nonspecific styles, but sometimes feminine as well) inspire me and struck me on that particular day.
I enjoy my current position of being able to go with or without makeup entirely of my choosing.
@wannabe: I think that last part about makeup doesn’t really apply to the way that the post is using it, as it is a more personal thing than just trying to conform to the standard set (or perceived standard set) to make yourself more sexual or appealing to men (or women, but here it’s men being discussed).
April 23, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Nine Deuce–I like to wear make-up because *I* have made the decision that I look nice wearing it. I can make decisions that go along with what society expects without being some kind of puppet, because I have a brain. The fact that you assume every woman is out there just to get a dude to bone her or whatever is kind of abhorrent. Sure, plenty of women have that attitude, but plenty of us who do some of those things do not.
April 23, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Oh my, you stepped in the pile of “OH MY GOD YOU ARE TRYING TO TAKE AWAY OUR PRECIOUS MAKEUP!” drones who won’t stop to read and think about what you’re actually saying. Good luck with that.
Great post!
April 23, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Amanata - I’ve noticed that. I thought I was pretty clear about the reasons why people choose to wear make-up, but a lot of people aren’t hearing me or don’t want to.
April 23, 2008 at 6:53 pm
With regards make-up, I think the important thing is how much you depend on it. If you like to add extra definition to your eyes every now and then, or feel like portraying a certain ’style’, I don’t really see the problem. It can be a way of expressing yourself.
However, if you get to the stage where you couldn’t imagine leaving the house without ‘your face on’, I think the dependency is a little too strong. Make-up per se isn’t a feminist issue, its the degree to which a painted face is linked with self-worth.
April 24, 2008 at 11:40 am
I think you’re losing a major point.
Yes, you’re right, women should only wear whatever make them feel comfortable in their skin, and not being forced to do otherwise by any other standard, that’s not their own… But.
They’re not the only one to blame(although i personally think part of the problem is in our heads).
Yes, you said that women “must” fix to standards they didn’t make, but you make it too easy to solve.
You say make-up is bad and uncomfortable, you’re right, but I don’t know any man that find attractive a girl with no make-up at all,and that wears large,casual clothes…They say they do,but reality is, it’s not like that. Every imperfection is enlarged and criticized. So girls are excluded, not seen by anybody. How can they find a way to gain confidence? It’s a bad thing to say, but you don’t own confidence in yourself if everybody else point at you all the time, especially when you’re a teen. THAT is the problem, for me. You can stop thinking about attract men when you’re adult and confident in your possibilities, but when you grow up you’re fragile to other’s judgment… And that influence the person you’ll be in the future, in one way or another…
April 24, 2008 at 1:46 pm
I understand that men don’t tend to be attracted to women who don’t follow the “rules” as they’ve been laid down. I say the answer is to avoid those kinds of men. There are men who don’t like make-up, and there are men who aren’t as superficial. I know that my advice might be difficult for a girl in high school to follow, but adults can very well do it.
April 24, 2008 at 3:10 pm
These are all funny coming from a guy….when I wear t-shirts and blah clothes all the time and no makeup 3/4 the time and I’ve been single for 10 years. Ever see a chick w/ the long hair, overmade up face, big boobs and skin showing, fake nails and high heels ever being ignored? Hardly. If you ever look at personal ads, this is what men want/expect from a woman. Unfortunately, ‘normal’ women are put down, called fat, and otherwise rejected. I say fuck you all if that’s how you really feel. Good luck finding that Barbie bimbo to have your kids and have any kind of realistic purpose in your life besides being in your bed.
April 24, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Personally, I feel like feminism is about giving women a choice. We should not HAVE to make ourselves artificial in order to be attractive, but if we WANT to wear heels or makeup, it should be okay. The whole pornstar/stripper culture we have now is not bad because it promotes sex, it’s bad because it promotes FAKING sex in order to be popular and liked. It promotes only one kind of beauty and ignores all others. Having long nails and big boobs is fine (if impractical and expensive), it just shouldn’t be a requirement in order to get noticed.
April 25, 2008 at 7:19 am
Yes, I did read your blog about Bratz, it was kind of a comment on that one as well.
It’s so refreshing to find someone whose brain actually works… I can’t stand pornography and stripping and the like because of the objectification of women, and I get chastised because these women are “doing what they can with what they have” and the fact that I don’t like it makes me terribly conservative, or so say my work colleagues.
I have nothing against sex, or being sexy, but it’s totally a personal thing.
I agree with your sentiments about sex and how it’s exclusively an expression of love.
April 25, 2008 at 11:49 pm
You are my dream girl! Are you married?
April 25, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Thanks, but I’m off the market (and I don’t smoke pot).
April 26, 2008 at 12:35 am
I’ve long tried to convince my girlfriend that she doesn’t need to go through all that crap to look sexy. :/ Hasn’t worked though.
April 26, 2008 at 3:03 am
I don’t like it when women wear make-up. I don’t find high heels attractive. I’ve never told a girlfriend how to dress. There are lots of guys that feel the same way.
I also don’t think that all women who “dress up” are doing it for men. A lot of women like fashion.
A woman isn’t fat or a slob just because she’s not wearing couture. There are plenty of beautiful women who dress well in casual clothes. If it’s the superficial men who are attracted to fake boobs and revealing clothing, then why are the women of substance trying to attract those men?
I know that we can only generalize, and that many women/girls have eating disorders and body image problems. There is definitely a problem here that doesn’t have an easy solution. But it needs to be pointed out that NOT all women feel affected by society’s standards.
I’m decent looking, but I’m not tall or well-built. Women usually don’t give me a second look. There is a double standard. Men can’t control their height or baldness. Women need to appreciate men who aren’t perfect either. Or, maybe the impossibly high standards set for women has caused them to become more superficial themselves.
Life isn’t fair. If we didn’t have this topic to complain about, it would be some other injustice. Just try to make the best of your own life.
April 26, 2008 at 4:08 am
Why, oh why, are feminists so preoccupied with whether or not women are putting glop on their skin or hair? Don’t we have more serious stuff to think about? Reproductive rights, for example?
As for “what would a dude do” - based on my experience with dudes, sometimes they dress up and look really nice, and sometimes they wear sweatshirts and ripped jeans and look like total schlubs. But the difference between dudes and chicks is that no one judges a dude based on what he wears, or takes him more or less seriously based on what he is wearing at the moment, or tells him what he may or may not do with his own body (i.e. what kind of shoes he may and may not wear, what he may or may not do with his nails, or what he may or may not put on his face).
April 26, 2008 at 4:14 am
A Nonny Mouse - see the larger context of the post, as well as all my other posts, for a discussion of many, many feminist issues. This post is about women harming their health to fit into fascistic beauty standards, not whether they put make-up on per se. Jesus Christ, people, grasp the whole context, not just the minor details!
April 26, 2008 at 6:13 am
Jesus Christ, people, grasp the whole context, not just the minor details!
is exactly what I was thinking. Criminy! Like, read the actual post!
I was just thinking about how even nail polish cuts down on my productivity time. I spend a lot of time typing (I write; I’m in school), and if I were to paint my fingernails, I wouldn’t be able to write as much as I do without chipping or smearing the color. I still paint my toenails every few months, and it’s still a hassle, though it’s one I’m okay with. I have to walk funny to keep the paint from getting on the carpet, and I don’t see my boyfriend doing any silly shit like that. All this fashion-y stuff sure feels like a conspiracy to keep women otherwise occupied with stupid wastes of time, money, and brainspace instead of working on inspiring the revolution.
When it comes to makeup, I wear it sometimes too, but I also recognize that it’s a time-consumer that dudes don’t (have to) endure (as often), which makes it automatically sexist. Additionally, it doesn’t constitute my identity. And I could give a fuck less what my boyfriend thinks of my face — if he doesn’t think I’m hot or whatever without makeup, then he can just go away. (Also, when I read a feminist writing about makeup, I don’t take it personally and go directly into defensive mode. Instead, I think, hm, maybe this person has a point about how much time I’m spending on something that ultimately matters not at all.)
April 26, 2008 at 6:30 am
A Nonny Mouse - a dude is not judged based on what he wears, or taken more or less seriously? You’re kidding right? Go on a job interview for anything other than a minimum wage job and see how both sexes are judged based on how they look. My husband has been turned down for positions he was over qualified for strictly because he went in jeans and a T-shirt. I have also had this problem. I think both sexes have unrealistic expectations forced on them by society. My son is ridiculed in school for not playing sports. My daughter is shuned for not dressing like a Barbie doll. All I can say is I’m proud of them for being true to themselves.
This blog is not about make-up or fake nails, it’s about the unhealthy lengths we as a society are going to to try and fit in. It needs to stop. I’ve had friends (when I was in High School) that nearly died because of anorexia. This is a plague and needs to be recognized as such. We laugh now at women who used to powder their faces with lead, take opiates to make their eyes look bigger, or cram themselves into corsets to try and get the perfect 12 inch waist; but why don’t we look at plastic surgery the same way? There should be nothing wrong with being yourself and I think that was the point.
April 26, 2008 at 3:05 pm
I am totally loving your blog by the way, and I agree with everything you’re saying.
I used to be of the belief that wearing make up was completely pointless and couldn’t understand why people did it, then my self esteem took an all time low and I just wanted to fit in more, so i looked around at all the other girls in my year that seemed happy, and oh guess what? they were wearing make up. So I plastered my face in the stuff like everyone else, and wore very skimpy clothes because I wanted to show off my rockin’ body for some reason. I still don’t really understand the need for that.
I’ve been home schooled for the past year now and I wear make up /very/ occasionally, completely don’t see the need for skimpy clothes, and can’t help but laugh out loud when I see the girls that I wanted to be like in the streets. They just look like child hookers.
But I don’t think girls are given the same chance that I was, to take a step back from modern society and just laugh at it. Laugh at what you /think/ it demands of you. Because it doesn’t, it’s just a myth that’s been promoted, you don’t have to wear make up or any of those silly lil things you have to, if you actually talk to normal down to earth men about it, you’ll find out they don’t care. But they’ve got to fight the brain washing as well, they’re being told they’ve got to have a perfect girlfriend, that that makes you successful in life.
And I;m with Janet, this post wasn’t just about false fingernails, it was about just being who you are without feeling pressured into it.
April 26, 2008 at 3:54 pm
i agree with your premise but i think some of the things we women do that are ridiculous are not so bad in moderation AND if you do it for your own personal enjoyment. i like wearing jeans and tshirts and sneakers. a lot. but i do like wearing stilettos and makeup once or twice a month. not for my boyfriend, not for the men i may meet, i like the way i feel in it just as much as i like the way i feel everyday in tshirts. as far as shaving & waxing, i was into that long before i realized it was a porn-induced mentality because honestly, i find hair to be a pain in the ass.
plus, we should take advantage of being able to wear this crap and dress up how we want, cause there are plenty of (straight or gay) men who probably want to wear makeup and heels and can’t get away with it based on the same stereotypes.
its all about being happy with yourself, whatever that takes and it is ok if it includes some of the external ideas like shaving, surgery or wearing practically nothing.
April 28, 2008 at 12:41 am
While I enjoyed and agreed with the blog, I find it poor logic to find a problem and simply say, “Don’t do it.” as a solution. There are mindsets to be changed by more convincing evidence than it-hurts-don’t-do-it.
April 28, 2008 at 3:30 am
Actually, Emily, I would really like to know what you think would be a more effective way of getting this kind of information out to women. This post apparently wasn’t very effective, given all the comments from women defending their very right to wear makeup because it makes them oh so happy to have to put on clown faces for teh menz. How would you convince yourself and your female friends that wearing makeup and painful shoes is a waste of time better spent reading about feminism and starting the revolution?
April 28, 2008 at 3:35 am
Emily - What, from an instinctive standpoint, is a better reason for not doing something than that it hurts? I can’t think of a more compelling argument.
April 28, 2008 at 4:36 am
I enjoyed your article very much; and you’re right. What could be more simple than avoiding what hurts?
I’m concerned by some of the adverse reactions to your piece. Personally, I shave my legs and pubic hair, because I love the feel afterwards and hair itches me. I like to dress up and wear makeup sometimes. But your suggestions are not, to me, offensive at all. I’m content with my personal reasons and decisions. I think it’s wonderful someone is able to offer a strong counterpoint to the mass mentality.
It sounds like many of your readers have been thinking critically about the herd mentality for a long time, which is great, but I think that’s why they may feel ‘attacked’. But I still remember thinking I had to be like the images in magazines to be liked (ugh, high school), that I would never find love until I looked ‘perfect’… and it took a message like this to snap me out of it! This, at that stage of my life, was what I needed to hear to start me thinking for myself. I’m glad that so many others, male/female/thirdspace have gone past this to the critical thinking stage.
Readers, if you think back to the great teachers in your life, they were pleased when you answered questions the way you had been taught. They were even more pleased when you started forming your own informed questions about the answers.
April 28, 2008 at 10:16 pm
I found a comment by nightgigjo on the boards (in the jogging while female thread) that I think works well with this thread:
April 28, 2008 at 10:23 pm
L - That’s an excellent piece. Thanks for posting it.
April 29, 2008 at 3:41 am
Agree with L’s post about gender as performative. Deuce/L, have you read Judith Butler? I took a graduate philosophy course last year and was assigned some chapters, but her writing was too inaccessible for me. Critical theory is something I like in idea, but can’t comprehend in written form … I think I’m philosophically dyslexic or something. Anyway, I liked her ideas — she wrote about performative gender.
April 29, 2008 at 3:43 am
I will read her at some point I’m sure, although I absolutely LOATHE critical theory as a whole. I’m all about empiricism, which I guess makes me passe or something, but I just get irritated with circumlocutory abstractions.
April 29, 2008 at 4:16 am
I’m the odd one of the bunch — I love reading critical theory (yes, I realize that makes me a high-falutin’ white-girl academic, exactly the kind of feminist many other feminists despise — can’t do much about it, I guess) and got a kick out of reading “The Performativity of Gender.” I’m on a performativity bender right now — everything I see has a performative feel to it, not just gender expression.
Reading that folks don’t really like to read the critical theory stuff inspires me — maybe I’ll “translate” a few essays into non-theoretician speak this summer. I think that’s what we do anyway as feminist bloggers, and I think Nine has done a great job with the issue of porn in a layperson way, but maybe I’ll go even more specific with my feminist reader.
April 29, 2008 at 4:20 am
Yeah critical theory doesn’t strike me as being too ontological or straightforward in nature, it seems to deal with linguistics and semiotics more than anything else. Something happened with postmodern philosophy when it stopped being about consciousness/existence and more about the micropolitics of the text versus the actual ideology of historical philosophy. Although, Judith Butler seems to have taken feminism from its grassroots origins into a rather inaccessible sphere of hardcore academia.
April 29, 2008 at 4:32 am
The first response was to Deuce, and to L — I don’t think feminists hate each other, I think differing schools of thought might hold juxtaposing ideas regarding certain approaches to presenting/managing Feminism as a public idea. I’m guessing that different social classes have different views on what feminism is. For the most part, though, I think grassroots feminism is dead in terms of mainstream appeal. It seems to have been cemented in history and compensated for as evidenced by the commonality of Women’s Studies classes in nearly every college (and even high school) curriculum. Graduate-level academia seems to be the only contemporary environment where hardcore feminism seems to be able to be taken seriously now.
April 29, 2008 at 4:37 am
** forgot to put this in the last post (wow, three posts in a row!) –
That would also be a really great idea L, to paraphrase relevant excerpts from Butler (and maybe her partner Brown, too). In a world of Wikipedia and Sparknotes … that would probably be the more preferable alternative to actually reading the book. For lazyass undergrads like me, anyway.
April 29, 2008 at 7:51 pm
L - I, also being a high-falutin’ white-girl academic, do a lot of reading of critical theory, but I still get sleepy just at the thought. Maybe it’s my discipline (history) that makes me so averse to it. I have friends at school who love it, but I must be missing the gene or something.
I planned (and I think it’s working) for this site to be accessible to the average person with an interest in gender issues and a few cuss words. But we definitely need some translations of critical theory that you don’t have to be in graduate school to understand. I wholly support any such effort, because there are some really valuable ideas out there that people are missing out on.
May 17, 2008 at 3:57 am
When I go to the pharmacy, just because it makes me laugh, I like to notice just how differently I’m treated by 99% of the employees at the makeup counter if I walk by them in sweatpants with no bra, no makeup (weekend mode) vs. made up with neat hair, heels and the like (work mode).
When I’m dressed up I get treated quite nicely and when I’m dressed down I’m completely ignored. I don’t think they view me as a potential sale based on whether I’m wearing makeup or not, I honestly think their perception of how much money I have is directly aligned with how much perceived effort I put into my appearance.
If my husband walks into a store wearing a suit, he’s treated respectfully. If he’s in street clothes he gets followed around or worse (true story), gets mistaken for a high school student. People associate your outward appearance with some sort of status, whether social, financial, or whatever.
My Mom grew up on a farm with three brothers, and she leans more toward this blog’s tune than I do. She’s instilled some great values in me and I’ve grown up with a realistic view of the world. I appreciate that we were only allowed one “brand name” article of clothing a year and that she cared about more important things than getting her nails done.
It wasn’t a severe upbringing, but on the other hand I think I might have rebelled against my Mom’s non-girly attitude. I must admit I was into fashion magazines, but in a realistic way. I understood that much of it was laughable and appreciated that it was there for entertainment. Most importantly, I was aware that it was potentially harmful to my self-esteem. My best friends would scratch out Naomi Campbell’s eyes with a pen because she had a perfect body.
In high school I was probably one of those people that you look at and think “either they don’t care what anyone else thinks, or if they care way too much”. I liked to shock on a certain level, and was pretty much anti-bra, anti-anything with a heel, minimal makeup.
It wasn’t until my early 20s that I became truly comfortable with my femininity. By that time I had a comfy corporate job and actually had some disposable income. Now nearing 30, I choose to wear heels, eye makeup, skirts, fitted clothing, etc. I shave my pubes- personal preference (also have no issues with porn). I do hate long painted nails (hello, I use my hands!) and I think plastic surgery is completely retarded.
When it comes to the workplace, I think it’s almost disrespectful to come to work with no makeup, no thought put into your appearance, chipped toenail polish or whatever. But I don’t automatically think minimal grooming = slob. It differs on an individual level.
It fascinates me that 50 or so years ago, things like heels, nylons and skirts were the norm for women, although it is wrong that the only male equivalent I can come up with is hats! But I think it’s interesting and somewhat romantic that people presented themselves that way.
Whether I’m a well-balanced individual or not, I think the most crucial thing is that my parents managed to raise me to have confidence and high self-esteem. I’m realistic about the world around me. I would hate for anyone to think that I spent a great deal of time in front of my makeup mirror, I would puke if I spent any huge amount of money on clothing or beauty items, but heels make me feel sexy and empowered. I’ve been addicted since I tried them. And by the way as much as we’re bashed over the head with mineral foundation marketing….it is an awesome invention! Makeup can make you look healthier if executed properly.
This is why I mentioned the perception of status, with the emphasis on financial status. Looking back, why would I have cared about heels and hair and purses in high school if I had virtually no income and therefore, mindspace and effort, to allot toward such things. I can afford to make more appearance-related choices now. I’m not sure if my choices are good, bad, a product of society or my upbringing. Just wanted to bring that to the table.
May 17, 2008 at 4:01 am
My only “problem” here is make up. I don’t wear much though. But waxing pubes - no way. High Heeled Shoes - only if I’m on my back and they are up in the air, if you get my drift. Fake fingernails - ICK! Restrictive clothing - sorry but life is too short to be uncomfortable. And last but not least - plastic surgery. I used to want fake tits because mine are so underwhelming. I finally realized that if I couldn’t be happy with the body God/Goddess gave me, then I had worse problems than little tits. Feel me, dog?
Great blog. You articulated things that I have felt but couldn’t because I lack the talent to put them in words.
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