Milton Bradley to kids: Plastic surgery is a normal part of life.

4 Feb

I played Life when I was little. It was kind of a fun game, especially because it had a little 3-D wheel and exciting little game pieces that set it apart from plain ol’ flat game boards. I know that the message of the original game was a little uncool; it revolved around going to college, getting married, having kids, and amassing a fortune with which you were expected to buy a house, insurance, and stock, all before retiring as a millionaire if you were lucky, or going bankrupt (and then what?) if you weren’t. Apparently, any experiences that don’t follow this trajectory aren’t considered “life,” or at least won’t make you a winner in the game of life. I suppose it was already gross enough that the game gave children the idea that life revolves around getting married (and being straight), having kids, and money (not to mention wearing pink if you’re female and blue if you’re male), but the new version really takes unthoughtful participation in American consumerism and general tomfoolery to new heights.

One of the squares on the new version of the board says, “Have Cosmetic Surgery, Pay $100,000.” WHAT THE FUCK?! Have we actually reached a point where a room full of adults, when trying to decide on what to add to a children’s game to bring it up to date, would land on plastic surgery as the best option? I realize that the practice of allowing yourself to be put under potentially lethal general anesthesia and cut open, rearranged, and stapled back together has become more and more mainstream in the last few years, but I wasn’t aware that it had gotten to the point where the general public didn’t think it was inappropriate to suggest it to children who are still too young to know that their worth as human beings will someday be decided by how many people want to fuck them. Fucking unbelievable. And not only do the Milton Bradley people think that having plastic surgery is a normal part of life, they also think that a HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS’ worth of plastic surgery is nothing to blink at. Do you have any idea what kind of damage you can do to the human body with $100,000? That’s enough money to turn RuPaul into Danny DeVito.

I should have seen this coming. Remember that show The Swan? In that show, the producers paid for several women to have multiple cosmetic procedures, starved them, forced them to work out all day for like 6 weeks, then put them in a beauty pageant to prove that all but one of them still weren’t good enough. Then there are shows like Nip/Tuck, which, aside from offending the senses with some of the worst writing in television history, attempts to make entertainment out of women who are so obsessed with increasing the number of men who want to have sex with them that they will put semen on their faces and have a million dollars’ worth of plastic surgery. Then there’s Dr. 90210, probably the creepiest show on TV, in which we get to see just how unethical and ego-maniacal plastic surgeons can get. That “doctor” can frequently be seen urging women to go with breast implants 2-3 cup sizes larger than the size they say they want, and he can also be seen pushing surgeries on body parts these women didn’t even know they should be ashamed of yet. I rarely hear anyone even mention how unbelievably creepy these shows and what they represent are, so I suppose Milton Bradley execs are just more in touch with where the general public is at than I am. They’re the ones with the marketing department and the focus groups.

So, I guess that’s it. It’s now officially pathological to not look like a porn star, and kids ought to get themselves prepared for the eventuality that they’ll need surgery to correct nature. Good looking out, Milton Bradley.


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38 Responses to “Milton Bradley to kids: Plastic surgery is a normal part of life.”

  1. Buttkicker 69 February 4, 2008 at 2:45 AM #

    FIRST OF ALL MISSY. THEIR’S NO REASON FOR YOU TO CRITICIZE A BOARD GAME BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO POOR TO GET PLASTIC SURGERY OR DON’T BELIEVE IN GOD OR THINK PEOPLE SHOULD BE PLAYING GAMES ABOUT BEING GAY. WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE A GAME ABOUT GAY ADOPTION? YOU LIBERALS ARE ALL THE SAME AND YOU WANT TO TELL EVERYONE HOW TO LIVE YET YOU CAN’T STAND IT WHEN SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE GET TO HAVE THINGS YOU CAN’T SO YOU TRY TO TELL EVERYONE ELSE HOW TO LIVE AND LEGISLATE THEIR LIVES. PEOPLE THAT GET PLASTIC SURGERY ARE PEOPLE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE THEY ARE JUST MORE SUCCESSFUL. IF A PERSON WANTS TO LOOK THEIR BEST AND CAN AFFORD TO THEY SHOULD DO IT AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT THEN YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DISAGREE WITH THEM. MILTON BRADLEY IS A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS AND THEY KNOW THAT AMERICAN’S CAN DECIDE FOR OURSELVES WHAT WE WANT TO BUY. LIFE IS A GAME OF SUCCESS THAT TEACHES AMERICAN’S HOW TO SUCCEED AND I’M SORRY HONEY IF THAT MEANS MORE THAN YOUR TENDER HEART AND MIND CAN HANDLE. AND ANOTHER THING
    IT’S EASY FOR YOU TO THINK THAT A WOMAN SHOULD NOT HAVE TO LIVE FOR A MAN WHEN YOUR A LESBIAN AND JUDGING FROM MOST LESBIAN’S I HAVE KNOWN YOU ARE PROBABLY THE KIND OF PERSON THAT NEEDS PLASTIC SURGERY. MAYBE THEN YOU COULD BE HAPPY AND HAVE A FAMILY OR SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU NORMAL. IT’S ALRIGHT THOUGH. YOU LIBERALS WILL NEVER WIN. MCCAIN O8!

    • Courtney March 30, 2009 at 5:48 PM #

      Funny, and here I was thinking that success was being happy with who you are, not having elective surgery to change the size of your tits.

      • Nine Deuce March 30, 2009 at 5:54 PM #

        You’ve got it backwards. Success means being happy with who you are if you’re male. If you’re female it means looking like a Bratz doll.

  2. Nine Deuce February 5, 2008 at 2:03 AM #

    McCain ’08! I’ve been wondering who is out voting for this guy, and now I guess I know why I don’t know anyone who is.

    Uh, I think this is a joke, but I’ll respond anyway since old Buttkicker 69 has shown through his use of the caps lock key that he means business.

    First, I’ll address the idea that people who get plastic surgery are just more successful than people who don’t. Since women are getting the bulk of the procedures that are done in the US, Buttkicker 69 (I’m using that name as often as I can) is in a quandary: he can either admit that women are more successful than (and thus inherently superior to) men, or he can admit that they have it pretty bad when they have absorbed the idea that the only thing about them that matters is their appearances to the point that they are willing to go under the knife in an attempt to get closer to an impossible beauty ideal.

    As for whether or not I have the right to disagree with the decisions of those who can afford to have plastic surgery, I’m pretty sure I have the right to disagree with whatever I want to. Or no? How about I make a rule right now that says since I can afford to write a blog, no one is allowed to disagree with me? Or how about I tell you that since I can afford to buy and strangle a bunch of animals, I’m going to do it and you aren’t allowed to disagree with it? The idea that because someone can afford to do something no one should be able to stop them is pretty silly, but that isn’t even what I am arguing against. What I think sucks is that we live in a society in which women are valued only for their appearances, and in which they’ve absorbed that lesson (from advertising, entertainment media, preferential treatment, Buttkicker 69’s supposition that he can discredit everything I have to say by hinting that I’m just jealous because I’m not hot enough, etc.) to such an extent that they are willing to undergo severe pain and the possibility of disfigurement and death to make themselves “fuckable”.

    Milton Bradley knows that Americans know what they want to buy? Do you really think that Americans make their consumer choices freely? The generation coming of age right now has been so brainwashed by advertising that they don’t even know what bands to like without having their taste assigned to them by Viacom/MTV and AOL/Time/Warner. Even I, as observant and sharp-witted as I am, am not completely free of the influence of the advertising industry. But I guess Buttkicker 69 here sees through all the bullshit.

    And last, Buttkicker 69, good call on calling me “missy” and “honey”, and for implying that I’m a lesbian, that I’m stupid, that I don’t have a family, and that I’m too ugly to get anyone to do it with me. Those are impressive rhetorical tools for someone who doesn’t know the difference between “there” and “their” and would lose a punctuation contest with a sixth grader.

  3. Buttkicker 69 February 5, 2008 at 2:48 AM #

    THEIR’S DEFINITELY A JOKE GOING ON HERE BUT IT IS ON YOU IF ANYONE. IT TURNS OUT THAT YOU HAVE SPELL CHECK ON HERE AND IF ANY OF MY WORDS WAS MISSPELLED IT WOULD HAVE RED LINES UNDERNEATH IT ANYWAY AND I KNOW THAT THEIR WAS NO RED LINES AND EVEN IF THEIR WASN’T I WOULD KNOW HOW TO SPELL ALL THE WORDS ANYHOW. SO SORRY IF YOUR ATTEMPT TO MAKE ME LOOK IGNORANT JUST GOT SHOT DOWN. YOU ARE A SMOOTH TALKING LIBERAL JUST LIKE THE CLINTON’S AND YOUR RADICAL VIEWS MAY GET YOU SO MUCH OF AN AUDIENCE WITH PEOPLE THAT IS ALREADY MEMBERS OF YOUR LIBERAL CHOIR’S BUT THEIR WILL ALWAYS BE PEOPLE LIKE MICHAEL SAVAGE AND SEAN HANNITY TO SHOW THAT ALL YOU SAY IS JUST LIES IN DRESSED UP LANGUAGE. IT MAY WORK ON THOSE THAT DON’T SEE THROUGH YOUR LIES BUT IT WILL NEVER WORK ON THOSE THAT SEE THROUGH LIBERALS AND I’M SORRY MISSY THAT IS THE MAJORITY OF AMERICA NOW. TO ADDRESS SOME OF YOUR QUESTIONS WOMEN GET PLASTIC SURGERY MORE THAN MEN BECAUSE THEY HAVE FIGURED OUT HOW TO GIVE WOMEN BIGGER BREASTS
    BUT NOT REALLY HOW TO GIVE MEN BIGGER PENISES. BREASTS ARE IMPORTANT TO WOMEN AND PENISES ARE IMPORTANT TO MEN. I FIGURED A NEW YORKER WOULD KNOW THAT. YES I DO READ. AS FOR YOU BEING SUCCESSFUL THE ONLY THING I KNOW IS THAT YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL AT BEING A PREACHER TO LIBERAL SHEEP AND THAT IS HARDLY A SUCCESS UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF THE DEATH OF AMERICA SO I GUESS YOU ACTUALLY ARE A SUCCESS IN YOUR EYES BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY A WOMAN’S ROLL ON EARTH IS TO GIVE BIRTH AND MAINTAIN THE HUMAN RACE AND THE ONLY WAY FOR THAT TO HAPPEN IS IF A MAN WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM AND IF A WOMAN WANTS TO BE SUCCESSFUL I’M SORRY BUT SHE HAS TO HAVE SEX WITH A SUCCESSFUL MAN AND THAT IS WHY WOMEN HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY SO THEY CAN BE SUCCESSFUL. WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE BUT NATURE IS NATURE NO MATTER WHAT YOU LIBERALS SAY. I’M SURE YOU KNOW MORE THAT MILTON BRADLEY SINCE THEY ARE ONE OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL COMPANIES IN THE WORLD AND YOU ARE WRITING
    ABOUT LIBERAL CRAP. IF YOU WERE TRULY SUCCESSFUL YOU WOULD BE HELPING CAPITALISM AND NOT TRYING TO UNDERMINE OUR COUNTRY. OH AND I THINK YOU ARE A LESBIAN EVEN IF YOU ARE HAVING SEX WITH A MAN YOU REALLY ARE MAKING LOVE TO A WOMAN. IF YOU THINK A REAL MAN WOULD HAVE SEX WITH YOU YOU ARE CRAZY. HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE LESSON MISSY.

    • Missy March 31, 2009 at 4:03 AM #

      For someone with such strong opinions, I hope you realize how much your disgraceful grammar and fruitless condemnations discredit you. And for representing a conservative political ideology as well as religion, you certainly repudiate and delude yourself through your pathetically misguided ideals (which you, and everyone else for that matter, are entitled to). In the long run, you might get farther with women if you stopped waving around your sexist chauvinism and the cloying discourse about your (supposed) “huge” penis (tip: people automatically assume you are lying when you have to tell them how well-endowed you are). Try respect (…baby steps and all that).

      Oh, one more thing… this might help you (if you can get it into that thick skull of yours). http://www.wikihow.com/Use-There,-Their-and-They're

  4. Nine Deuce February 5, 2008 at 7:29 AM #

    Fuckin’ A. Buttkicker 69 is back to drop some knowledge on me. Unfortunately, spell checker notwithstanding, he still hasn’t figured out the difference between “their” and “there”, or between “role” and “roll”, so I guess my hifalutin liberal smooth talk in the last comment failed. Maybe I failed because he sees through all my liberal nonsense, like Hannity and Savage, and he ain’t going to get bogged down with shit like proper punctuation and capitalization, because that’s just a bunch of elitist bullshit.

    Buttkicker 69, haven’t you heard that there’s a surgery now that makes men’s penises bigger? I could make a stupid joke about your anger at liberals/lesbians/feminists/people who understand spelling and punctuation coming from your insecurity over your small wiener, but I won’t.

    Thanks for wording me up on the importance of breasts and penises, something I had failed to grasp up until now despite the parade of boobs and dongs on the streets of New York. I suppose, arguing something like that, that Buttkicker 69 is a bit more egalitarian than I had previously supposed; he reduces men AND women to sexualized body parts. I am guessing that is just a part of Buttkicker 69’s comprehensive worldview, in which all is determined by nature, and nature equals makin’ babies.

    It all makes perfect sense: nature, which revolves around people having sex, dictates that women can only be successful by getting successful men to want to have sex with them so they can make successful babies, but if nature didn’t give them the tools with which to make that happen, it’s not only acceptable, but almost mandatory, that women alter nature in order to fulfill nature’s designs. If they want to be successful, that is.

    I must have gotten it all wrong before. I thought that if I was happy I was successful. I’d better stop wasting my time on doing things I like, stop hanging out with men who are really lesbian women, get some giant fake boobs, and get to humpin’. That shit would all make me miserable, and possibly suicidal (I really like men who are actually lesbian women), but at least I’d be successful and could help support capitalism and protect America from smarty-art liberal traitors.

  5. Mustang man February 5, 2008 at 7:11 PM #

    What has the wrong come to now?!? First it was blacks needing “equality” and “restitution” and now these weird women want it too? Here, let me bend over so you can fuck this middle-class white 30-something husband right up his ass. It should go in easy since it’s already bleeding from race cards, commenting on how pretty someone is at work, and most of all- taxes. I got fired last year for trying to lift my co-worker onto some filing cabinets. I wasn’t harassing either, she asked for help, so I helped her. I’m sick and tired (mostly sick) of all these hairy women trying to join blacks and take down the white middle class. Guess what? It’s us middle class men that make you feel so feminine in the first place you fucking retards. I guess you’d rather me comment on how big your dick is, right? Out.

    • karinova June 23, 2009 at 11:28 PM #

      1) Oh noes! You are so BESET!
      Why, why, why won’t these evil hairy pseudo-women let you be a MAN? When you want to shoot your spoo in their faces, they keep turning away! It’s so… weird. No, it’s more than weird; it is an intolerable outrage. If only these “women” would just know their place! Which, obviously, is to make you feel manly and secure. (The damn Negroes would do well to learn that lesson, too. How dare they infringe on your young-white-and-free-ness!)

      2) Guess what? It’s middle class men like you that are making you feel so unmasculine in the first place, you fucking retard.
      It’s unconscious men (like you) who are telling women AND men that they need to get on down to the 90210 for some corrective surgery, stat, or they’re worthless (which is to say, “unfuckable”) human beings. Big fake tits? Please. They came up with that in the 1950s. The new hotness is artificially hard 70-year-olds, medically iffy big-dick pills, the Hair Club for Men— and the hilarious claim that it’s women who want them. That shit? Is ALL YOU.

      3) Stepstools. You and your idiot coworker should maybe look into ‘em. And that’s not just me talking. That’s OSHA.

  6. Nine Deuce February 5, 2008 at 7:30 PM #

    Dude, come ON! Is ANYONE going to actually take issue with what I’ve said, or is the comments section on this blog going to turn into a support group for white dudes who think they have it tough?

    Mustang man, I’m sorry to hear that black people and women wishing that they had what you have makes you so uncomfortable, but it’s only natural. Are you completely unaware that you might have been born with a few advantages?

    Once again, some insightful commenter has decided that I must be hairy/ugly/gay/whatever because I want to be treated like a human being rather than a sex object. It couldn’t be that I’m just aware of what’s going on in the world and think it’s harmful to women’s humanity, could it?

    As for taking down the middle class (white or otherwise), it’s the Republicans you guys seem to like so much that are doing that. Union busting, privatization of everything under the sun, rising gas and commodity prices due to war, the death of consumer protections, and the general supply-side sympathies of the people you’ve voted into office are what’s killing the middle class, not people who just want to be a part of it. It’s pretty amazing that the Republican party and its radio goons have managed to convince people like Mustang man here that a few women and black people (or Mexicans) somehow have the power to cause them so much pain. It couldn’t be the corporations that actually run everything in this country.

    I don’t know whether it’s middle class men making women feel feminine, but I’m not terribly interested in feeling “feminine” if that means having the idea that a bunch of pervy strangers want to pork me. Commenting on someone’s appearance is a way of saying, “Hey, you’re a girl, and that means that the most important thing about you is whether I want to have sex with you. Who cares if you’re a genius, a talented painter, a kung fu master, or whatever else. You’re just a conglomeration of sexualized body parts to me.” I understand that not all men have this intent when they compliment someone on their appearance, but they ought to think about it. What if no one ever had anything to say about your accomplishments and talents, but simply told you they liked your pants? But let’s say I don’t care about that (as a joke), and get back to the FUCKING POINT: do you truly believe that women ought to be having surgery in order to be more attractive to men? And do you believe that that practice ought to be promoted to children? I may make a new rule that people who comment have to at least address the main point of a blog before they launch into whatever diatribes they came to get into.

    A final note. Mustang man, have you ever asked someone to have anal sex with you? I hope they said no, because your use of that trope is fucking scary. Out.

  7. Mustang Man February 5, 2008 at 11:47 PM #

    Sorry to interrupt your softball game but..

    Protest something more meaningful. Your “Saved by the Bell” fight for women’s rights ended 10 years ago, which is coincidentally the same time Smirnoff Ice became popular. It’s like you’re protesting the ocean or something. Humans have the basic desire to reproduce. It’s called survival. Downplaying this need as anything other than absolutely fucking paramount is lying to yourself. Men need vagina, women need penis. Everything else is just a play for one or the other. If it is your desire to not be sexually desired I can only suggest a vaginectomy. That still leaves you with a butthole so you might as well get that removed, too.

    The government has and always will fuck the middle class. So why pile on because we all know who this is intended for, because you know, black men have always regarded women with the highest respect.

    Yes, your point about surgery. You want the say on what a woman can and can’t do with her body? You must be an anti-abortionist, too. That doesn’t sound very feminine to me. As long as it’s not people literally fucking on T.V. the children shouldn’t be censored from it. While were at, let’s ban barbie dolls, long hair, makeup, and their own vaginas. Do you really think that’ll somehow protect them from their own self-doubt when they get older? We’ll have to censor a WHOLE lot more than fake boobies.

    Trope? I have no idea what that means. At least I don’t listen to Cheryl Crow. You can weep in your Jeep Wrangler now. Out.

  8. Mustang Man February 5, 2008 at 11:48 PM #

    Alright well I guess you’re not posting any more of my comments.

  9. Nine Deuce February 6, 2008 at 12:17 AM #

    Settle down, dude. I’ll approve your comments, I just had to go outside for a few minutes. Softball game, you know.

    I don’t know what Saved By the Bell and women’s rights have to do with each other, but I liked the part about Smirnoff Ice (although I’m still not sure what that means either).

    WHAT is more meaningful than protesting the fact that half of the world’s population is thought of as worth less than the other half? That’s what I’m protesting, not the idea that people want to have sex. Still, nice straw man. I know that human beings have a desire to reproduce, and I am not saying that people ought to suppress their natural sexual desires. What I AM saying is that it’s ridiculous that women are seen only in that capacity in this culture for the most part. Regardless of the fact that people have the desire to reproduce, we don’t exist for that reason only. I think one of the easiest ways to see how objectified women are in our culture is to look at advertisements and media and put men in the place of women. If that test would make an image seem absurd, then it’s probably an example of objectification. I’ll ask again: would you like your entire being to be reduced to whether someone wanted to fuck you? I assure you, it’s not a cool feeling. And even if all that were moot, the beauty standard we have reached in this day and age is distorted and borderline grotesque. Our ideas of what is sexually attractive have become so warped that people now want to look more like cartoon characters than human beings. That shit is NOT NATURAL.

    Where did this blog mention black people? I’ll be the first to say that rap for the most part has a negative impact on women and the way they are treated, but that’s not what we’re talking about.

    Yes, the government always fucks over the middle class, because the government has been operating on behalf of corporations since at least 1980. But that has not always been the case, you know. The government created the middle class with the New Deal. Read up on it. It’s Republicans who want to dismantle the New Deal, and it’s the dismantling of the New Deal that is causing the decline of the middle class.

    I’m not for banning anything. I’m for educating people so they won’t feel like things like plastic surgery are their only options. I think Barbie dolls, make-up, and similar things that teach girls and women that all that matters about them is their sexual attractiveness are all part of the problem that plastic surgery is just a symptom of, but I don’t want to ban them. If women realized that obsessing over their appearances was a waste of their time and energy, make-up, Barbies, and plastic surgery wouldn’t exist. If women had access to safe birth control and accurate information without shame attached, abortion would nearly cease to exist. Banning things is the purview of conservatives; all I want to do is get people to think about some of the unexamined parts of our culture that may be harmful to us.

    Cheryl Crow sucks. Jeep Wranglers are for dudes who wear tank tops and sunglasses. Seriously, Mustang man, it IS possible to have this conversation without resorting to calling me an ugly lesbian. That’s a pretty lame tactic, not to mention wrong.

    You could probably look up the meaning of “trope”, or is learning something from a softball-playing, Cheryl Crow-listening, Jeep-driving lesbian that unthinkable? Out.

  10. English Leather February 6, 2008 at 2:15 PM #

    Mustang man has a point and that point is that women will always primp themselves (whether consciously or subconsciously) because that’s innately human. They’re trying to attract the most reproductive mate that will also ensure their survival. I’m careful not to say “female” because oddly enough, this behavior is displayed just as much in males (see most species of birds, reptiles). However, for the most part, this behavior is almost exclusively reserved for females in mammals. I know that it sucks to be summarized (as a species) in one statement, but that’s just how it is. It’s a losing battle versus science, you see. Embrace it.

    Actually it’s very interesting to me. Beings so complex, so meticulous, so civilized can be reduced to 1 basic goal. I think you could probably take anything in life that is important to humans and draw a path from it (whatever it may be) to having to deal with survival (sex). Freud had it right, he just could’ve went further and reduced sex to survival. Agree?

    • polly styrene September 25, 2009 at 7:11 AM #

      Oh dear, oh dear.

      a) so I completely imagined the male fashion industry and male grooming products then, did I?

      b)What about lesbians and women who don’t want children, what’s their motivation?

      c)Why does birth control exist then?

  11. Nine Deuce February 6, 2008 at 6:19 PM #

    No, I don’t agree. It’s too simplistic to reduce all human behavior to mating rituals. You could, if you wanted to, draw a convoluted line from everything people do to anything, but that doesn’t mean you’d be right. And even if it is true that all human behavior revolves around sex (which I don’t agree with), how do you explain the fact that our images of what is sexually attractive have become so distorted? It is now not possible for human women to fulfill beauty standards without altering or completely masking nature. That seems to argue against this whole “It’s only natural” argument.

    In general, people use simplistic arguments about nature to justify all kinds of things, from porn use to rape to racism to violence of one kind or another. I admit that it might be easier to deal with the world by using such simple ideas to understand everything (which is why conservative talk radio is so successful), but the world isn’t simple, and really understanding anything that is going on requires more than that.

  12. Nine Deuce February 6, 2008 at 7:04 PM #

    Also, it’s funny how English Leather not only agrees with Mustang Man, but he also has the same IP address. What a coincidence.

  13. English Leather February 6, 2008 at 8:00 PM #

    People think most things are more complex than they really are. It’s principally similar to the argument of forms from Socrates’ famous dialogues. The truth is always simple. I can’t argue raping as being ok, since it directly infringes on the rights of someone else. Same goes for racism, violence, etc. Someone willing to alter their physical appearance for whatever is only hurtful/beneficial to themselves. Why do you think big breasts are attractive? Easy, because they convey the effect of providing more milk for babies, and thus, a more suitable mate for survival. The guiding principle IS natural, even if the results are completely synthetic. English Leather out.

    • somethingsilly September 24, 2009 at 10:35 PM #

      English Leather,

      “Why do you think big breasts are attractive?”

      Obviously you think that big breasts are attractive, however I have met quite a few men who prefer smaller breasts. I have met quite a few men who prefer curvy women. I have met men who prefer women who do not wear make-up. My point is, the standard of beauty that is presented by the media today is terribly skewed towards women with tiny wastes, little to no body fat (which is obviously terribly unhealthy), larger breasts, pouty lips, and bedroom eyes. I don’t think that nature has a lot to do with what people find attractive nowadays. We’ve gotten past the point where we rely on breasts to produce all the necessary milk for our babies therefore attractive breast size seems to be more of a preference than an instinct (in my humble opinion). Anyways, when you look at big breasts are you thinking about the abundance of milk there will be for your future offspring?

      • polly styrene September 25, 2009 at 7:08 AM #

        I’ve met women who prefer smaller breasts as well.

    • polly styrene September 25, 2009 at 7:13 AM #

      And big breasts don’t produce more milk for babies you silly arse. True the breasts get bigger when they are full of milk, but this happens with everyone who breastfeeds. Big breasts don’t produce any more milk than small breasts. Most female mammals don’t have breasts at all, but still manage to lactate.

  14. haLph-baK3d February 7, 2008 at 12:39 AM #

    English Leather, Mustang Man, whichever,

    I’ll pretend that you actually believe what you are writing, just for the sake of argument. Nine Deuce’s position is clear. Yours is not. Let’s pretend that human decision is entirely motivated by sex and reproduction. So what? I think you are actually adding complexity to the discussion — if it can be called that — by steering it toward these sweeping generalizations about human nature.

    If there were a poll attached to ND’s article, it might ask: Is it acceptable (to you) that a company that makes children’s board games promotes plastic surgery? We know that Milton Bradley can do this, that they have the right to do this. Does that mean you’re OK with it? I can’t change their decision and I don’t care enough to write them a letter, but I know that I won’t buy any more of their products. It’s enough to know that they are not on my team, not in my school of thought, not anywhere near my belief system. If I’m going to buy a game for a child, I’m going to buy a game that teaches them things I think they should learn. Who the fuck *wants* their children to have even the slightest notion that plastic surgery is OK? Assholes, that’s who. Apparently, Milton Bradley is a company full of assholes or perhaps there’s one mega-asshole at the top of the hierarchy. Maybe ND is right and the whole massive direction our society is taking is fundamentally shitty. I, for one, am going to take a different path.

    To sum it up: plastic surgery is for generally weak human beings; Milton Bradley is full of assholes.

  15. Stetson February 7, 2008 at 10:58 PM #

    You say, “Is it acceptable (to you) that a company that makes children’s board games promotes plastic surgery?”

    Let me ask you this: Were you protesting the “Go to Jail!” square in Monopoly? According to your logic, this square promoted going to jail to children…and it only costs $50.00 in Monopoly money! I guess that’s the motherfucking ace of promoting anything…

    The plastic surgery square, on the other hand, costs $100,000.00 in Life money, which should be a suffiicient deterrent for anyone except people who live in Beverly Hills (who are already predestined to get plastic surgery anyways).

    Checkmate.

  16. Stetson February 7, 2008 at 11:10 PM #

    I almost forgot: There are two other ways to get out of jail for FREE- roll doubles, or just stay for 3 turns. Going to jail is looking real hot right now.

    uh-check uh-mate.

  17. haLph-baK3d February 8, 2008 at 2:41 PM #

    That’s almost a good point.

  18. Hummer (H2) February 8, 2008 at 8:27 PM #

    Off subject but not really- Hummer, yes the vehicle, has their own line of cologne. It’s called Hummer. Seriously. Look it up.

  19. Carlos Santana February 8, 2008 at 8:30 PM #

    He’s right, I own a Hummer and as part of the “sport package” I received a gift set that includes Hummer deodorant, cologne, and aftershave.

    By the way, I too have my own line of cologne. It’s called Carlos Santana cologne for Men ($33.75). Seriously. Look it up.

  20. Nine Deuce February 9, 2008 at 1:46 AM #

    I’m going to change the theme of this blog. It’s now strictly about cologne.

  21. Genevieve March 5, 2008 at 12:53 AM #

    I’m coming to this rather late, but…
    my boyfriend and I still play Life sometimes because we’re big dorks.
    At the ‘get married’ square I always choose another pink piece to come along for the ride. If it’s a fake version of life, I might as well be a lesbian.
    Though I wish the pieces could just be multicoloured and I could be green like I am in most other games.
    Normalizing plastic surgery for children=not good, HOWEVER, if these kids were playing the game in a family-type situation, this might be a good opportunity for a parent-type to say: “Look at how ridiculously expensive plastic surgery is. Peoples’ bodies are fine the way they are, you don’t need to spend a ton of money to fix something that isn’t broken.” Or something to that effect.
    And your trolls are the funniest trolls ever. “Their’s no red lines therefore nothing’s wrong!”…what idiots.

  22. SAAM March 29, 2008 at 3:17 AM #

    Ok, I just spent a lot of time reading this post and all the comments. Again, I commend you on your writing and opinions. I am reading everything on this blog!!!
    Buttkicker69 was the funniest, Missy!

  23. Feminist Avatar March 29, 2008 at 7:31 PM #

    ‘That doesn’t sound very feminine to me.’ ROTFLMAO

  24. Vivek May 21, 2008 at 10:01 AM #

    Hey that butt kicker guy was really funny, well written nine……good stuff, totally agree….

  25. harmony March 31, 2009 at 5:32 AM #

    i have nothing to add to this debate, except to say it was nice to get some laughs at conservative biggots before bedtime. thanks for luring in the entertainment, 92. nighty night.

    oh wait. before nighty night time, here’s something else for you to rage against: http://www.amazon.com/Beautiful-Mommy-Michael-Alexander-Salzhauer/dp/1601310323/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1238477445&sr=1-1

    that’s right, dude. it’s a children’s picture book on plastic surgery.

    • Nine Deuce March 31, 2009 at 5:39 AM #

      I’ve got a post on that somewhere.

  26. elaine December 30, 2009 at 5:52 PM #

    Amusing to note how, for what is likely the species which has morphed into the most ‘Unnatural’ ever to have blighted the planet, the dong-swingers like to go into their tribal chant about how the Pamela Anderson physical type is the only ‘nature-approved’ one for women. Odd then, that so few women in their natural state possess that body/facial type, and have to go through many many un-natural surgical procedures/prosthetic implants to achieve it. Odd too, that if this particular hypertrophic female body type is the only true Mom Nature -approved model, that there’s such a variant of female physiques to be found throughout the different races, and that, until the West came in and stamped its version of the only ‘acceptable’ female physique on the brains of the rest of the world, there were many varying standards of what comprised female beauty amongst the world’s various peoples (not to mention the wildly varying ideals of feminine perfection that have existed throughout history, both in the West and elsewhere).

    Odd also, that apparently a particular tight standard of female ‘beauty’ was considered necessary for the successful ongoing propigation of the human race, but apparently no such concommittant standard was deemed needful for males–being stinky, hairy, beer-gutted porkers apparently didn’t/doesn’t work against species survival in their case. But I guess that’s because they just were able to donkey-punch all the Pam Andersons roaming the plains back in the Neanderthal era, and impregnate them, fortunately leaving them able to carry on the torch of humanity down the generations without needing to possess superfluous male-supermodel looks.

  27. Immir March 4, 2010 at 3:37 AM #

    Holy God Elaine, great post.

    I’m over this “bal blah blah it’s human nature for women to want to get surgery to be more appealing sexually appealing- it’s nature” argument. For one: No, it isn’t. For two: Let’s pretend it is natural… It’s also human nature to kill each other, but we know that it’s WRONG, right? SO we try to better ourselves- what is wrong with women bettering themselves?

    And COME ON- feminists aren’t against sex, we are against this warped version of sexuality that is being spoon fed to the masses.

  28. skeptifem October 16, 2010 at 11:29 AM #

    When I play life with my step spawn we allow gay marriage. I get gay married every time. We have the REALLY old version of life though, so it has some really strange squares. Like, “found uranium deposit, get $10,000″. There are like 6 squares that involve winning from gambling, and none that involve losing (“won big at the horse races” “went to vegas” etc). I think it is from the 1950’s.

    The step spawn made her own version once. It said “you die! haha!” on one of the squares, and then “your kid died” on another. It was really warped but hilarious, she was trying to make it realistic so the death squares were reasonable in light of that.

  29. skeptifem October 16, 2010 at 11:36 AM #

    Oh yeah, and I do want to ban plastic surgery, because it clashes DIRECTLY with the oaths that physicians take regarding ethics and their patients. Having surgery for a problem that could be fixed via non invasive therapy with a psychiatrist and putting people in mortal danger by doing so it the OPPOSITE of what a doctor should do. People fucking DIE in surgery for all sorts of reasons, the anesthesia alone can kill people not to mention risk of complication during and after the actual surgery. I think all plastic surgeons should either work on units with disfigured people (note that there is a real definable difference between reconstructive surgery and cosmetic surgery), or go back to med school to become GP’s to deal with the GP shortages. I mean shit, get these assholes away from medicine if they can’t deal with actually having to help sick people instead of making money off of insecurities.

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